


Just Shut up and Dance With Me

by lanibb2013



Category: Doctor Who (2005), The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clara is a mum, Clara teacher, Dominate Clara, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Light BDSM, Malcolm is near end of S3 when this starts, Malcolm spindoctor, Submissive Malcolm, Suicide Attempt, Thoughts of Suicide, Unplanned Pregnancy, lots of swearing, very strong father/daughter bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 64,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4207503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanibb2013/pseuds/lanibb2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm and Clara wind up meeting at a charity event and hit it off. Clara has two daughters from a previous relationship that wind up adoring Malcolm. They start dating and then Malcolm is pushed out of politics. He's depressed and pushes Clara and the girls away after he's all over the news. He goes back into politics and Clara's noticed he's changed. He now really has become the velociraptor of Downing Street. He's angry, volatile and sadistic. He's out to screw anyone he can for screwing him over. Then The Goulding Inquiry happens and their lives turn into a downward spiral that will either bring them closer or tear them a part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dance With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this song:
> 
> Shut Up and Dance With Me  
> \-------------------------  
> By: Walk the Moon
> 
> Oh don't you dare look back,  
> Just keep your eyes on me.  
> I said your holding back,  
> She said shut up and dance with me!  
> This woman is my destiny  
> She said ooh ooh  
> Shut up and dance with me
> 
> We were victims of the night,  
> The chemical, physical, kryptonite  
> Helpless to the bass and faded light  
> Oh we were born to get together,  
> born to get together.
> 
> She took my arm,  
> I don't know how it happened.  
> We took the floor and she said
> 
> Oh don't you dare look back,  
> Just keep your eyes on me.  
> I said your holding back,  
> She said shut up and dance with me!  
> This woman is my destiny  
> She said ooh ooh  
> Shut up and dance with me
> 
> A backless dress and some beat up sneaks,  
> My discotec Juliet teenage dream.  
> I felt it in my chest as she looked at me.  
> I knew we were born to be together,  
> Born to be together
> 
> She took my arm,  
> I don't know how it happened.  
> We took the floor and she said
> 
> Oh don't you dare look back,  
> Just keep your eyes on me.  
> I said your holding back,  
> She said shut up and dance with me!  
> This woman is my destiny  
> She said ooh ooh  
> Shut up and dance with me

Malcolm Tucker was having a very miserable day with all the PM's fucking up everything by being stupid useless cunts. That wasn't anything new though. He got a phone call from the PM telling him he had to go to some fucking charity event to raise money for Coal Hill Schools. He said, "Oh. So ye want me ta just leave the fucking shit storm that's flying all over Number 10 ta go ta a fucking event for a school? For fucks sake. Fine. I'll leave Jamie in charge o' cleaning up the fucking mess your fucking MP cunts have caused. Yeah and if he's eats a few o' them we'd have less cunts ta deal with. Yeah. Fuckity bye, Tom." He told Jamie to sort out the mess and them went home to clean up and change into a different suit because he had been in the one he was wearing for two days since he never got home until now. When he finally got there he was bored stiff drinking a fanta when a petite brunette with big brown eyes came over and drug him to the dance floor. He said, "What the fuck are ye doing, lassie?"

Clara saw a middle aged man that she liked and drug him to the dance floor. When he asked her what she was doing she just laughed and said, "Just shut up and dance with me."

Malcolm chuckled, "Fucking bossy little shite aren't ye?"

Clara replied, "Do you always swear?"

Malcolm laughed, "Aye, lassie. I fucking do."

Clara replied, "Well I think you have my answer then Now shut up and dance."

Malcolm laughed, "Aye, lassie. Guess ye are the fucking boss at the moment." He danced with her most of the night after that. He actually liked her bossy attitude. He found it to be a very attractive quality with her. He had been looking for a woman who wouldn't be afraid to tell him the fuck off and could hold her own in fight. He was 57 years old and never had found a woman worth his time and aggravation but this little spitfire of a woman might just be his destiny. Well if she was even interested in a middle aged, foul mouthed workaholic anyway. He doubted it because she must be half his age.

Clara had to admit he was a very good dancer although not exactly elegant but she didn't mind. The longer they danced the more determined she was that she was going to claim him as hers. When she saw something she wanted she always got it. She asked, "What's a angry owl like you doing here tonight?" She saw his angry eyebrows almost reach his hair line in surprise.

Malcolm was surprised when she had the bollocks to call him an angry owl. He may have just met his match in wits. He said, "Ye got fucking bollocks. I'll give ye that. I didnae have a fucking choice in the matter. Personally I'd rather be in a fucking coma. Why are ye here?"

Clara laughed, "I'm an English teacher at Coal Hill Secondary School. I was also the chairman of the group that set up this event. I didn't have much of a choice about being here either."

Malcolm replied, "Well I guess it wasnae so bad. I met ye at least. That made the night tolerable."

Clara laughed, "I just figured out your accent. You're Scottish."

Malcolm replied, "Aye, lassie. I'm Caledonian. Is that a problem?"

Clara replied, "No. Not at all. I just can't believe it took me so long to figure it out."

Malcolm grinned, "Well. That's fine then." He eventually got tired and they stopped dancing but he stayed near her whenever they weren't dancing. 

Before the event broke up Clara handed the man a piece of paper with her phone number on it. She said, "I really enjoyed spending the evening with you, angry Scottish owl. He's my phone number if you want to go out for a drink or something. My name's Clara by the way."

Malcolm watched her start to walk away and yelled, "Malcolm. My name's Malcolm."

Clara walked back over and pulled him down by his tie and kissed his cheek. She said, "It was wonderful meeting you, Malcolm. Good night."

Malcolm touched the cheek she just kissed and replied, "Aye. Same. Good night, Clara." He went home very surprised and more light hearted than he had been in quite some time. He decided to ask the girl out for coffee a few days later. He made sure to call her on his person cell phone rather than his work phones. He wasn't ready to explain to her about his job yet.

Clara was just getting home when he cell went off in her pocket with a number she didn't recognize but answered it anyway. She asked, "Hello?"

Malcolm said, "Clara. Hello. It's Malcolm."

Clara teased, "Oh the Angry Scottish owl..Nice to hear from you."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Would ye like ta get some coffee with me? Maybe Saturday mid morning?"

Clara replied, "Yeah sure. That would be good. Would you mind meeting in the park?"

Malcolm replied, "No. That's fine. I know a good shop that ye'd probably like. We can go there or I can bring the coffee ta ye."

Clara replied, "It'd be great if you could bring it. I'll pay you whatever it costs."

Malcolm replied, "All right. I'll meet ye around 10am? Is that good?"

Clara replied, "Yeah. That's good. I'll see you then." She smiled and jumped up and down after she hung up. She made sure she saved the number he called her from in her phone.

Malcolm wondered why on earth it had to be the park but he wasn't about to argue if it got him a date. He figured she just wanted it to be out in the open incase he thought about getting fresh or something. He went back to work smiling which everyone teased him about. He soon wound up frowning for the next 3 days because of more fucking cunts fucking shite up again. He was about ready to bash his head into the wall because he had such a migraine over Nicola Fucking Murray's most recent fuck up. He Walked into DOSAC and yelled, "Hey fucking omnishables! Ye fucking did it again! You really are fucking retarded! Didn't ye ever fucking consider that ye shouldn't fucking get it on with your fucking husband in yer car in a fucking highly populated area? Nothing like coming in this morning ta the paper on my desk saying "Nicola Murray caught giving a man a blow job in her car" and ye did it on fucking Downing Street for fuck's sake. What the fuck were ye thinking??"

Nicola replied, "I didn't think we'd be seen."

Malcolm scrubbed a hand over his face and groaned. "Obviously ye weren't fucking thinking ye twat! Ye are a fucking MP! The fucking press is up yer fucking cunt and yer arse. Not to mention anywhere else they can shove the fucking camera! The only saving grace it that it was yer fucking husband! Least I donnae have ta cover a fucking shit storm o' an affair! Now fuck the fuck off so I can TRY ta fix it!" The madder he got the stronger his brogue was but he didn't care. He spent two days threatening the rest of the media and setting it up so Nicola could make a statement of apology for doing it in such a public place and make sure they knew it was her husband's fucking dick she was sucking on like a fucking lollipop. By time Saturday came around he almost called Clara to cancel but decided against it. He pushed himself to shower, dress and get out the door.


	2. Meeting the girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm meets Clara in the park and gets a surprise.

Malcolm arrived at the park and didn't see Clara at first until he saw he at the swings pushing a girl of 4. He walked over and said, "Clara?"

Clara looked up and saw her date. She said, "Hey. Mary could you push your sister? Don't push her to high."

Mary replied, "Ok, mummy."

Malcolm was surprised again. He never had imagined a woman as young as Clara had kids. He asked, "Yer their mam?"

Clara replied, "Yeah. Got a problem with that?"

Malcolm did a double take and replied, "Not unless ye have a fucking husband."

Clara laughed, "Nope. No husband. The bloody boyfriend ran off when I was 6 months pregnant with my youngest. You wear a wedding band. Are you married?"

Malcolm was relieved he wouldn't be dealing with a scandal of his own over spending time with a married woman. Nor having to worry about a husband wanting to kill him. An unwed mother he could deal with and didn't really care about that. He said, "Well that's a fucking relief. Donnae want some husband fucking coming ta my fucking house ta fucking neuter me for fucking around with his fucking wife. As for me having a fucking wife...No. Never had one. Just wear the ring ta get people ta leave me the fuck alone. They like ta set me up with their fucking friends, sisters or even fucking brothers."

Clara replied, "Nope. I have no idea where he is but he left the country 4 years ago and signed away the rights to be a father with my girls. That's kind of funny that everyone tries to get you married off."

Malcolm asked, "It's fucking annoying is what it fucking is. What are the girls names?"

Clara replied, "The 6 year old is Mary and the 4 year old is Lulu. Why don't you come an meet them?"

Malcolm stammered, "I donnae think..." She drug him over to the girls before he could finish his protest. He wound up standing by the swings with two little girls looking up at him. The youngest holding out her arms to be picked up. They both had brown hair, round faces and brown eyes like their mam. Mary's hair was about mid back with a light blue head band, and she was wearing a simple white dress with blue flowers and a light blue sweater and flats. Lulu's hair was shoulder length with a pink head band, was wearing a white dress with pink flowers and light pink sweater and flats. 

Clara said, "Girls this is Malcolm. Malcolm this one is Mary and the one that wants you to pick her up is Lulu. You can if you want too."

Malcolm knelt down and picked the girl up. He settled her on his hip and she was playing with his fleece top's zipper with one hand while she had the other arm around his neck.

Lulu pointed her little index finger at Malcolm and said, "Pepper. You Pepper now."

Malcolm asked, "Wut? Clara?"

Clara laughed at the confused owl look he gave her and replied, "She likes you. Really likes you. She gave you a nickname. Pepper is your nickname."

Malcolm asked, "Why?" He watched the girl grab at the hair on his head and it clicked. He asked, "My fucking gray hair? I donnae know whether ta be fucking touched or insulted."

Clara sighed, "Go with touched. Lulu's just 4. She can't say your name so she gave you a name she could say that reminds her who you are."

Mary quietly said, "He uses a lot of naughty words mummy."

Malcolm replied, "Naughty? Ye mean the fucking swearing? This is mild. Ye should fucking see me at work. I make a fucking sailor blush with shame in 2 fucking minutes. This is who I fucking am, lassie. Be aware that I fucking swear all the time. No offense but I donnae curb my language for anyone. Not even my own fucking niece and nephew. Except if I'm on TV or at a trial or some fucking shite like that. If that's too fucking much for ye then I'll bid ye a fucking wonderful day."

Clara sighed, "It's all right. They just aren't used to hearing it for every other word. They know if they repeat any naughty words they will get a spanking. If I did swear jar I think I'd be rich every time I see you."

Malcolm replied, "Ye are fucking hilarious Clara."

Clara said, "I'm planning to take the girls to one of the pizza places with games. Would you like to go with us?"

Lulu thumped Malcolm chest and begged, "Pweese, Pepper?"

Malcolm was really quite amazed at Lulu's sudden attachment to him. He sighed, "All right. I'll fucking go." His eyes went wide when Lulu kissed his cheek and hugged him. Not even his niece or nephew were as affectionate with him and he's known them for years. 

Clara laughed, "I think you have a new fan, Malcolm." She smiled when she had seen the look on his face. It was a look of surprise and confusion mixed with a little awe. It was quite apparent no one really was affectionate with him and he was awestruck whoever anyone was even if it was a little girl. She had been surprised when he paid for the pizza and tokens for the girls. 

Malcolm was surprised that by the end of the day he was carrying Lulu asleep in his arms and Mary was holding onto the hem of his fleecie. He did notice the girl had been either holding on to her mam 's skirt all the time as well. When they got back to Clara's place she took him out to the balcony while the girls got ready for bed. He lit a cigarette and asked, "Does she always fucking grab on to skirts and shirts like that? I donnae really mind. I'm just wondering."

Clara replied, "Yeah she does. She has to or hold someone's hand. Mary's...blind, Malcolm."

Malcolm replied, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize..." He had just gone and stuck his fucking foot in his mouth. *Stupid fucking cunt ye are Malcolm. She's really going ta not want anything ta do with ye now* He should have figured it out. He was surprised when she produced an ashtray out of thin air but flicked the ashes in it before he took another drag on his cigarette. 

Clara replied, "That's all right. I didn't tell you for a reason. I wanted to see how you interacted with her first. I treat her pretty much like any other kid. She doesn't like to be treated differently."

Malcolm gestured wildly and replied, "Oh? She cannae fucking see. How do ye fucking get around that?"

Clara replied, "By treating her the same as every other kid. Granted she has to hold onto my clothes to keep from tripping on things but at home she doesn't need a guide. Here you'd never know she was blind because she has the place memorized. She does most of the same things girls her age do. She does go to the school for the blind and she's doing really well."

Malcolm took a puff on his cigarette and sighed, "Well I'm glad she's still got a fairly fucking normal life."

Clara had been surprised to find out he smokes seeing that he really didn't smell like smoke or ashes but she wasn't put off by it. She said, "They really like you, Malcolm. I've dated a few guys but you are the first one they actually have gotten attached to and the first that Lulu has reached for in order to be picked up. There's something about you that they like."

Malcolm laughed, "I haven't got a fucking clue what the fuck it could be. I've never been a fucking da and never planned ta fucking be one."

Clara snapped, "I guess you don't want to get involved with me then. I'd expect you to be a father to my girls if we were to be a couple."

Malcolm flinched at her sudden anger. He replied, "I didnae say I wasnae fucking interested in ye because ye fucking had kids did I? I just fucking said I never fucking planned ta be a da. Not that I wasn't fucking willing ta be one. I do like yer girls and I...really fucking like ye too. I'd like ta see if this fucking goes anywhere."

Clara asked, "Seriously? You still want to date me? You like my girls?"

Malcolm took another drag on his cigarette and scratched an eyebrow with his thumb. He laughed, "Aye, Clara. I do."

Clara replied, "Ok." Soon after she kissed him on the cheek when he left. She put the kids to bed pretty happy. She was glad Malcolm liked the girls as well. Maybe this possible relationship would actually work out.

Mary asked, "Did Malcolm leave, mummy?"

Clara replied, "Yeah. He did."

Mary asked, "Did you tell him I'm blind?"

Clara replied, "Yeah but not until we got home. He said he does like both of you."

Mary asked, "Is he your boyfriend?"

Clara replied, "No but I think he will be."

Mary asked, "Do you think maybe he'd want to be our dad?"

Clara replied, "I don't know. He might. Do you want him to be?"

Mary replied, "I think that I might like having him for a dad. I like him so far."

Clara replied, "Well we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Go to sleep." She tucked both girls in and kissed their foreheads. She got ready for bed and hope that everything would work out right for all of them.

When Malcolm got home he took his sleeping pill and changed for bed. He had actually had fun with Clara and her girls. He had always considered himself to old to be a da once he entered his 50's but now he did really like the idea of having a family. He scrubbed and hand over his face and thought *I must be going fucking mental.* The problem was he was drawn to Clara like a moth to a flame and the girls....They'd be the kids he never had. He figured eventually Clara would get bored with him because she so young but he was damn well going to try and win her heart.


	3. Tired Owl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm is very tired

A few days later Malcolm was buried neck deep in fucking problems with MP's as usual and he answered his cell phone before looking at the caller ID and snapped, "Now what fucking mess have ye made??"

Clara snapped back, "That's no way to say hello. If you didn't want to talk to me you could have just ignored the bloody phone!"

Malcolm groaned and looked at the phone he answered. He groaned, "I'm sorry, Clara. It's nothing ta fucking do with ye. I have 3 fucking cell phones on my desk and I wasnae paying attention ta what fucking phone I picked up. I'm up ta my neck in fucking disasters that I have ta fucking fix and I fucking thought it was another one."

Clara replied, "Fine. I'll accept the apology but don't do it again."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye, Lassie. Thank ye. What can I do for ye on this lovely fucking shite day?"

Clara replied, "I wanted to ask you over for dinner with us."

Malcolm groaned, "I'd love ta but I'm fucking stuck here until I fix all this shite. I doubt I'll get out o' here for the next 2 days if I'm fucking lucky. I'll give ye a fucking call when I am able ta fucking breath again. Sorry."

Clara sighed, "All right. The invitation is open for any night you want."

Malcolm sighed, "Thank ye, Clara. I'll keep that in mind." Just like he thought he was stuck at Number 10 for 2 days and nights before he could finally go home. For some reason he drove to Clara's house instead of his own. He knocked on the door and when she answered it he rasped, "Clara. I'm finally fucking free."

Clara was just setting the table when she had a knock at her door. She answered it to find a very haggard and pale Malcolm in a very wrinkled gray suit, blood shot eyes, bags under his eyes, and leaning heavily against the door jamb. She drug him inside and said, "Honestly. You look like bloody shit, Malcolm."

Malcolm just blinked and replied, "Nice ta fucking see ye too, sweetheart."

Clara sighed, 'Dinner will be done soon. I'll set you a place. Are you feeling all right? You look kind of stoned. You don't do drugs do you?"

Malcolm scrubbed a hand wearily over his face and sighed, "Wut? No. I'm just fucking exhausted. Haven't slept in 3? or was it 4 days? Not really sure. I'm getting to fucking old for this fucking shite. I donae know what the fuck I was thinking coming here. I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go 'ome and fall in ta a coma for a few days."

Clara replied, "No stay for dinner at least. You obviously don't eat enough. You're all skin and bones."

Malcolm's tired mind finally realized what she said. He asked, "Did ye just fucking call me too skinny? Never heard o' that before."

Clara replied, "Yeah. I did. Being thin is one thing but a strong breeze would probably knock you over. It's obvious you don't eat enough."

Malcolm sighed, "I donnae have the fucking time ta eat. I live on fucking coffee, red bull and tangerines."

Clara teased, "Then you'll love dinner. It's orange glazed chicken. That's pretty close to a tangerine."

Malcolm groaned, "Yer fucking hilarious. I'm going ta have a cigarette if ye donnae mind."

Clara handed him that mysterious ashtray and replied, "You know where the balcony is." She went back to cooking and watched him walk towards the balcony.

Malcolm lit a cigarette and knew he should have just gone home because Clara was putting up with his crankiness and she shouldn't have too. He didn't plan it but he fell asleep on her sofa after dinner.

Clara could tell Malcolm must be exhausted because he was out like a light on the sofa. She couldn't wake him up so she just threw a blanket over him when she went to bed. She thought it was kind of cute how he was on his side in a fetal position with his hands under his head and the pillow. She gave him a light kiss on the temple before going to bed. She started to worry because he didn't wake up until dinner time the next day. She was glad it was a Saturday.

Mary went to the sofa and felt a hand when she went to sit on it. She asked, "Mummy? Is this Malcolm on the sofa?"

Clara replied, "Yeah. You'll have to sit on the floor to watch cartoons with your sister."

Mary asked, "Is he sick? He hasn't moved since last night has he?"

Clara replied, "No he hasn't moved. I only know he told me he hasn't slept in a few days and he was very tired. I'm hoping he wakes up for dinner."

Mary sat on the floor next to the sofa near his hands and listened to the cartoons he sister was watching. Sometime later she felt the sofa move and heard a groan.

Malcolm woke up and groaned, "Ow. Fucking hell. Wut?" His eyes snapped open when he felt a small hand on his own next to his face. He saw two concerned little girls and remembered he had passed out on Clara's sofa. 

Mary had placed her hand on top of his and asked, "You ok?"

Malcolm cleared his throat and rasped, "Aye, lassie. Where's yer mam?"

Mary yelled, "Mummy! He's awake!"

Clara ran in the living room and scolded, "It's about bloody time you woke up, Malcolm."

Malcolm rasped, "Wut? How long have I been asleep?"

Clara replied, "Almost 24 hours."

Malcolm sat up and rasped, "Sorry for incontinently fucking crashing on yer fucking sofa that long. That really was fucking rude o' me. I must have fucking ruined yer day." He put his head in his hands and tried to stop the pounding behind his eyes.

Clara knelt in front of him and pulled his hands away. She said, "No. It's not that. I was just worried about you. Are you sure you're not sick?"

Malcolm replied, "No. I'm not sick. Could I bother ye for a cup o' coffee? Then I'll get out o' yer hair."

Clara replied, "You will do no such thing. You're staying for dinner before you go."

Malcolm sighed, "Hhokay." He got up and went out to the balcony to have a cigarette before going to use the bathroom. When he came back out he sat at the kitchen table and had dinner with them. He's not sure how it happened but he wound up playing tea party with the girls and watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. He went home and crashed later that night feeling a lot better than he had the day before.


	4. Here Comes Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm no sooner is happy with his life and everything starts to unravel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to kind of use Malcolm's description of Star Wars for the basis of what his description of My Little Pony might be. No offense meant to MLP fan as I even like the show. I used to watch the old version when I was a kid.

About 3 months after Malcolm started dating Clara he met her at a coffee shop on a Friday afternoon. He had been staying at her house almost every night that he wasn't stuck at number 10 after the night he fell asleep on her sofa for 24 hours. He said, "I was thinking about fucking getting the girls a present. Maybe from that fucking cartoon they like and make me watch with them all the fucking time.."

Clara chuckled, "Which one?"

Malcolm said, "Ye know that fucking cartoon with all the fucking horses with fucking pictures on their fucking arses. There's a fucking magician one that has a fucking dragon for a PA, a drama queen, a tom boy, a shy quiet one, a loud obnoxious one and a fucking gay PRIDE pony. They all go on about friendship or some shite.

Clara asked, "My Little Pony?"

Malcolm slapped his hand on the table and replied, "Aye. That's the one."

Clara replied, "What kind of gift?"

Malcolm replied, "I donnae fucking know. What kind o' things do fucking little girls like? If I kew I wouldnae be asking for yer help."

Clara laughed, "Well. They like playing with the vinyl and stuffed toys. They also like the DVD's and music. Coloring books would be all right for Lulu but Mary would probably like the music from the show. Mary loves the show the most. Mary's favorite pony is Fluttershy..To you that would be the shy quiet one. Lulu's is Rainbow Dash....The gay Pride pony to you. Whatever you get I'm sure they love it because it will be coming from you."

Malcolm replied, "Hhokay. Thanks. I'll see what I can find." He really was attached to those two little girls after 3 months. He sometimes wished he could spend more time with them but Downing Street was way too busy for him to even take a day off. So he spent what time he could sneak in with Clara and the girls. He managed to get away long enough to go to a department store. He picked up a stuffed ponies for each of the girls. The Gay one for Lulu and the quiet shy one for Mary. Even though he knew he'd regret it he bought them the first 3 seasons of the fucking show. He got a few coloring books for Lulu and the music CDs for Mary. Then he noticed they had gold charms with the ponies. He found Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and bought them because he figured solid gold would last a lifetime and when he was long gone the girls would still have something to remember old Malcolm. Yep he had it bad. He loved these girls and if he became their father he'd be spoiling them rotten just like their mam. Which he had also bought Clara a heart shaped ruby pendant and earrings. He had only been gone about a half hour and all Hell broke loose. By night fall his name was plastered all over the news saying he had resigned as Director of Communications. He had never told Clara his last name because he didn't want her judge him based on his nasty reputation but knew there was no fucking way she wouldn't know it now. The reporters had even found out where he had lived. 

Clara was making dinner while listening to the news. She stopped in surprise when she heard Malcolm's voice.

"Malcolm Tucker has resigned from his post in Downing Street as the Director of Communications after 20 years. He has been accused of assaulting a prostitute who refused him services. The middle aged man was commonly known to have the instincts and disposition of a velociraptor because of how he bullied and swore his way through DOSAC. He was also known as the spin doctor of Downing Street because he was so good at making the worse MP come out of a mess smelling like roses."

Clara was completely shocked because she had never connected Malcolm with "The Dirty Tucker" of Downing Street. The image changed from a picture of Malcolm to a live feed of her boyfriend being followed by reporters.

Malcolm yelled, "I just want ta go home in fucking peace, yeah? Now fuck the fuck off the lot o' ye." He went in his house and threw his bags and coat on the living room chair. There was no way he was going to avoid Clara being angry at him now. He couldn't even take the presents for the girls without being fucking followed for the next few days. He poured himself a generous Scotch and laid down on his sofa after taking of his suit jacket and tie. He placed his ashtray on his belly and lit a cigarette. He unbutton the top three of his shirt buttons and turned on the TV. His face was on every fucking channel. They were even digging up all the old shite they had found in the papers from years ago. He couldn't believe they fucking did this to him after 20 years of dedication. His cell phone rang and he answered, "Malcolm Tucker. I have ta fuck lobsters for money."

After Clara had gotten over the shock she called Malcolm. When he answered with a smart ass remark. She yelled, "You could have told me who you really were, you know."

Malcolm sighed, "Hello, Clara. I'm sorry. I didnae want ye ta judge me based on my professional reputation. Who I am...was at Number 10 and who I really am are very different."

Clara yelled, "I don't particularly care about your past. I only care about US right now."

Malcolm sighed, "If ye donnae want ta see me anymore...I cannae really blame ye. They fucking nailed my bollocks ta the fucking wall."

Clara asked, "I have to know, Malcolm. Did you assault a prostitute? Bloody hell did you go to one?"

Malcolm groaned, "No. I swear on my life I never hit her. I KNOW her but never HIT her. They must have paid her a lot o' money ta fuck me over like she did. I NEVER hit women and I rarely ever hit men. I have ta really be fucking pissed off ta hit a man. That fucking cunt they gave my job ta came really close. He fucking gave the press the fucking storey. The fucking cunts at Number 10 brought in a guy I never got along with and pushed me the fuck out. They gave that fucking cunt my job!"

Clara said, "I'm not dumping you over this."

Malcolm sighed, "I want ye ta know I have.... gone ta prostitutes in the past but...not since I met ye and I was always careful when I did. It was not often that I did it. I didnae really have the fucking time for a fucking slap and tickle very often. That why I didnae ever fucking marry. I'm a fucking workaholic and married ta my job. Although I think I just got a unscheduled fucking divorce."

Clara asked, "Why are you even telling me this?"

Malcolm groaned, "Because the cunt that fucking accused me o' assault was the one I saw. I have no fucking idea how they found her. I paid her a lot o' money ta stay silent about our...appointments."

Clara sighed, "All right. I don't really want to know all of this but is there anything else I should know?"

Malcolm swallowed and replied, "Ah...I went ta her more for the domination. She used ta ..... tie me up, whip me, fuck me with a vibrator, deny me release, basically beat the shite out o' me."

Clara asked, "Why didn't you tell somebody?"

Malcolm hesitantly replied, "Because it.....was consensual. That was what I....asked o' her. I'm a...submissive who LIKES pain, Clara. I LIKE ta be hurt and denied. I need ta be controlled. I need ta be given permission ta fucking come. I cannae get off without it. I need ta be put on a tight leash by the right mistress. I just never found the one I could give total control too.....until I met ye."

Clara asked, "Why haven't you ever talked ta me about this before?"

Malcolm sighed, "I was...terrified I'd fucking lose ye if I told ye. I have avoided being fucking intimate with ye because.....I had no idea how ta tell ye what I needed without freaking ye the fuck out. Ye probably donnae want ta deal with this. Sorry."  
Clara replied, "All right. It is a bit..... overwhelming but I'm not turned off by it. I might be able to...do some of the things you need. We can give it a try. I'm going ta come over here with the kids. We can talk more."

Malcolm yelped, "Fuck no. Not a good fucking idea. My house is surrounded by fucking reporters. They'll fucking be all over ye, sweetheart. Ye donnae need that fucking shite."

Clara replied, "I don't care. I'm going to come over and spend time with you. It's not a crime to visit my boyfriend."

Malcolm lit another cigarette and replied, "It may not be but ye'll be all over the fucking papers and TV through being associated with me. They'll start digging up any fucking garbage they can on ye. You're two bastard children, no offense,, the boyfriend that left you with said children, Mary being blind. They'll fucking dredge up anything they fucking can, Clara. They'll probably acuse me o' being a fucking pedophile next. Ye donnae deserve ta be run through the fucking mud with the likes o' me. Why bother? I'm not fucking worth it."

Clara yelled, "Because I love you....Yes, Malcolm Tucker, I love you. My daughters love you. That makes it worth it to me. Do you love us? Do you, Malcolm?"

Malcolm had not been prepared for that revelation. He loved Clara as well but he couldn't bring himself to say the words ut he replied, "Aye, Clara. God help me but I do."

Clara replied, "Good. We are coming over."

Malcolm sighed, "Ye are fucking mental but come over if ye want. After today ye know my address as well. I'll unlock the door so ye can just run in." He had finished his glass of Scotch and was refilling the tumbler when Clara got there. He turned around when the door opened with Clara yelling at the reporters. He squatted on the floor when he saw the two girls running to him. He wrapped his arms around them and asked, "How are my girls?"

Clara drove over to Malcolm's with the girls and parked in his driveway behind his Blue Mazda. She held both girl's hands as she walked to his door. She was assaulted by a bunch of questions. She yelled, "Why can't you just leave the poor man alone?" She got inside and closed the dooor before letting the girls go run over to Malcolm hand in hand.

Lulu replied, "You ok, Pepper?"

Mary said, "You all right, da...Malcolm?"

Malcolm asked, "What were you going to call me before you used my name?"

Mary whispered, "I'm sorry. I almost called you daddy. I know I shouldn't have. I just..."

Malcolm replied, "No. It's all right, Mary. I donnae mind being yer da if ye still want me ta be. Just I'd rather ye call me papa instead, hhokay?"

Mary wrapped her arms around Malcolm's neck and chirped, "Thank you, Papa. I love you!" She kissed his cheek before letting go. She heard the sharp intake of breath signifying he was surprised.

Malcolm was surprised again when Mary told him she loved him. He had 3 girls that loved him and he didn't have a clue why. He cleared his throat and said, "Before the shite hit the fucking fan today I got ye all a couple o' presents. They are in the living room in the chair. Wait for yer mam though."

Clara opened the bags and found a bunch of wrapped presents with names on them. She handed them out to the girls as Malcolm sat in the middle of the sofa with a full tumble of Scotch and a cigarette. She watched the girls hop up on the sofa on either side of him. When she found 2 gifts for her she was surprised. When she opened them she said, "Oh, Malcolm."

Malcolm hesitantly asked, "Do ye like them? I just thought...They fucking reminded me o' yer red lips."

Clara went over and gave him a firm kiss on the lips and replied, "Yes they are beautiful. Thank you. I love them."

Malcolm blushed and replied, "Yer welcome."

Clara helped the girls with their presents and laughed, "You weren't kidding about getting them My Little Pony. Oh look at this girls. Malcolm bought you each a gold pendant. Fluttershy for you Mary and Rainbow Dash for Lulu." She put them on for bother girls and watched them jump on the poor man. He almost dropped his Scotch all over.

Mary wrapped her arms around Malcolm and said, "Thank you for my Presents, Papa. Can we watch My Little Pony? You going to watch with us? Please?"

Lulu said, "Thank you, Pepper."

Malcolm replied, "Yer welcome girls. I'm glad ye like them. Take fucking good care o' the pendants and ye'll still fucking have them when ye grow up and I'm...not around anymore. Yeah I'll......watch the fucking ponies with ye." He kissed both girls on the forehead and let Clara put in the fucking My Little Pony DVDs. He only dealt with watching the fucking ponies because he loved the girls otherwise he'd rather be in a fucking coma than watch the show. Not that he had anything against it...It was just to cutesy for him and all the colors made his fucking eyes hurt sometimes. He was way better at dealing with arse spraying mayhem than fucking friendly horses.

Clara asked, "Do you mind if we stay the night? I'd rather not have to carry the girls to the car with all the reported at this time of night."

Malcolm was on his 4th Scotch and 6th cigarette by this time. He replied, "Aye. I cannae blame ye for not wanting ta deal with those fucking cunts. I have two spare rooms. One has 2 single beds for when my niece and nephew would visit and the other one had a double bed that I'm sure ye'll be comfortable enough in. I can give ye tee-shirts for the girls and ye. They may be rather big but it's better than sleeping in their clothes."

Clara sighed, "I was hoping maybe I could sleep with you, Malcolm."

Malcolm sighed, "I... only have a single bed in my room, Clara."

Clara replied, "Than you can sleep with me in the guestroom. It's not like we haven't shared a bed at my house."

Malcolm replied, "I know. I'm just...surprised ye still fucking want ta share a bed with me after all the fucking shite ye found out today." They had shared her bed at her house many times even though it was just cuddling. They hadn't gotten to sex yet because of his own unvoiced needs. He was also usually to fucking exhausted ta even think about sex. He spent so much fucking time at Clara's that he was rarely ever at his own house. He had practically moved in with her.

Clara sighed, "Do as your told. Malcolm. Sleep with me."

Malcolm replied, "Aye, lassie. Yer the boss." They got the girls into bed, tucked in and he read them a story. For some reason they always want him to read them a story anymore. He changed into an old tee-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, went to the guest room, and found Clara in her nightie getting into the bed. He gotten in on the opposite side on his back. He felt her put her head on his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her. He ran his fingers up and down her arm and felt her hand settle on his now rounded soft belly. He had gained weight in the last 3 months with Clara which was another reason he hadn't been intimate with her as well. He ran between DOSAC and Number 10 so many times a day that he had no idea how he now had a bit of a pot belly.

Clara said, "We'll get through this as long as we love each other, Malcolm."

Malcolm sighed, "I just donnae want ye and the girls ta get hurt because o' me."

Clara replied, "We'll be fine. There isn't much they can dig out of my closet. I'm pretty open about my past. The only reason not many know about you is because you asked me not to tell anyone. Those that do know have seen us together many times."  
Malcolm sighed, "Well....Everybody is going ta know about us now because you came to my home. I just hope ye are ready for the mass media mayhem that yer life is about ta become."

Clara asked, "You didn't take your sleeping pill did you?"

Malcolm snapped, "I'm not a fucking retard. I drank 4 fucking tumblers o' Scotch. I know sleeping pills donnae fucking mix with that much fucking alcohol."

Clara snapped, "Well excuse me for bloody caring!" She rolled on her side facing away from him.

Malcolm groaned, "Fucking hell. I'm sorry. I'm fucking pissed off and I'm taking out on ye. I'll go back to my own fucking bed. Then ye won't have ta fucking deal with my temper." He kissed Clara's shoulder and went to take his hand away but Clara took it to get him to wrap his arm around her waist. He took that as permission to stay with her and cuddle. He spooned up behind her and settled his hand possessively under her breasts. 

Clara whispered, "I love you, Malcolm."

Malcolm whispered, "I know, Clara. I'm sorry I'm such a fucking cunt."

Clara replied, "It's ok. I just have to remember your a cranky old man."

Malcolm replied, "Ye are absolutely hilarious, Clara Oswald."

Clara replied, "Shut up and go to sleep."

Malcolm kissed the back of her head and replied, "Aye, Clara. Yer the boss."

Clara replied, "Damn right I am."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Ye are mine at any rate." He dozed off soon after that.


	5. Clara Wins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm tries to push Clara and the girls away with interesting results.

A few weeks later Clara hadn't even heard from Malcolm at all and she was starting to worry about him. She kept calling him but he never answered his phone. She was seeing his face plastered all over the news and papers for about 2 weeks with her thrown in every so often but they didn't find anything anybody didn't know.

After the night Clara stayed at his house Malcolm decided to spare her anymore embarrassment he would just disappear from her life. He loved her and the girls too much to drag them into the mud with him. He knew she was calling him but he ignored the phone because if he knew if he answered it his fucking resolve would disappear. When fucking Julian asked him to come back he wanted to crush the fucking gay shite's bollocks but he forced it down. He at least was back in politics. He wasn't very surprised when after a month of ignoring her calls and avoiding Clara that she showed up on his door step with the girls. He was hoping she'd just be pissed off at him and just dump him.

Clara got pissed off enough that she finally drove over to Malcolm's house one Friday afternoon and swat on his doorstep waiting for him to get home. She walked right up to him and blocked his path while poking a finger into his chest. She yelled, "Why the bloody hell can't you answer your bloody phone? I was worried sick about you!"

Malcolm yelled, "Ye donnae have ta worry about this fucking cunt anymore, Clara. I've caused ye enough fucking embarrassment! I was trying ta just disappear from yer life ta save ye tyhe fucking grief o' my fucking messes!" He wasn't expecting the hard slap to his face that made him over balance. He just caught himself before he fell to the ground and put his hand to his cheek in shock.

Clara hit him as hard as she could and yelled, "Don't you DARE make MY decisions for me, Malcolm! You are a "fucking cunt" if you think you can just tell me what I am going to be better off doing! I love you! Whether I stay with you or not is NOT your decision to make! It's MINE! Now stop this bullshit and come home! Do as you are told!"

Malcolm had never seen Clara so fucking angry and it was giving him a hard on at the most improper time. He shifted his coat to try and hide the evidence that he wanted to fuck her into the brick wall. He LIKED her angry and hitting him. He wasn't going to intentionally piss her the fuck off but he REALLY fucking LIKED her angry enough to hit him. Meanwhile his dick may be hard but his head was obeying his Mistress. He replied, "Aye, Clara. Yer the boss."

Clara replied, "Good. Now to solve this problem...YOU are going to permanently move in with ME. That should keep you from running away again."

Malcolm replied, "Aye, Boss." Fucking hell she was the one that wore the pants in this family. He didn't give a flying fuck if she made him wear a dress, wig and makeup just so that she kept giving him orders. Jesus he has it bad for this little woman. He got in his car and followed Clara back to her place. He still kept his own house for the time being but he was rarely ever there.

When they got home Clara made dinner and put in a My Little Pony DVD for the girls before putting them to bed. She smiled when Malcolm went with them and read them a story. When they went to bed that night she decided she had waited long enough to consummate their relationship so she took charge. he said, "Take your clothes off. Then I want you to lie on the bed with your hands over your head." She watched him so as he was told and then she straddled him to tied him to the headboard with a scarf. She felt his erection under her and rubbed herself up and down on it a few times. She smirked and teased, "Well. That's quite a banana in your pants, Malcolm. Tell me what you want."

Malcolm whispered, "I want ye ta fucking hurt me, Clara. I donnae care how....I just need ye ta give me pain. Please?" He was surprised when she smacked his face repeatedly but it made him even harder. Eventually she stopped and slid him inside herself before pinching his nipples and soft belly and love handles until it hurt. When she started moving he felt her scratching her nails hard enough to leave marks and some blood trails on his chest and shoulders. He liked it when his partner was rough but he never was rough with his partner. He liked to receive pain but not give it. When he felt Clara come around him and bit his shoulder hard he came as well. 

Clara could tell he was close so she groaned, "Come for me." She felt him shudder and release inside of her as she bit his shoulder. She was glad he was able to come because she wasn't sure what she could do without the proper stuff. She made a note to go buy some, rope, handcuffs, a vibrating dildo, a cat o' nine tails whip, maybe some nipple clamps, a cock ring, and anything else that might give Malcolm the pain he desired. She just curled up on his chest reluctant to let him slip out yet. He felt him running a hand over her hair and kiss the top of her head. She eventually felt him slip out so she rolled off to the side and curled up and his shoulder. She was alternating between rubbing circles on his soft rounded belly and playing with the curly gray hair on his lower belly. She said, "You like it when I get angry. Don't try to deny it. I did notice the erection you got while I screamed at you and how it shot straight up when I slapped you."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye, Clara. Ye being fucking pissed off and hitting me makes me fucking hard as a rock. It cannae be that fucking surprising. I told ye I need fucking pain ta get it up and permission ta come."

Clara bit his nipple and replied, "Don't worry we'll figure out how to make this work for both of us. just give me some time to figure out what I can handle doing and how to do it. I don't want to hurt you badly."

Malcolm replied, "Pppfffttt. I doubt ye could fucking do that anyway. Ye may be a fucking control freak but yer not the fucking type ta enjoy giving that much pain to someone. Hopefully you enjoy it enough for my needs ta be met for our fucking sex life ta work."

Clara said, "All I know is that I love you and I'll do the best I can to give you what you need."

Malcolm replied, "I...know. Ye'll push yer limits and I am sorry ye have ta fucking do that. Ye should have a fucking normal boyfriend. Not a fucked up old man that can't fucking get a hard on without being beaten up. Ye fucking deserve better than someone as fucked up as I am, Clara."

Clara replied, "Shut up. You're not going to change my mind."

Malcolm sighed, "I know. Ye just fucking deserve better that's all." He fell asleep and woke up a while later. He couldn't get back to sleep so he slipped out of bed and put on his boxers and his robe. He padded on barefoot to his coat to get his cigarettes and lighter. Then he noticed Clara had taken out the ashtray and left it on the counter for him. He went out to the balcony and lit a cigarette. He still didn't understand why she wanted him but he was tired of arguing about it. He realized sometime later that he had smoked 4 cigarettes and decided it was time to stop before he smoked what was left of the pack. He left the ashtray on the counter after he emptied it in the trash. He tried to slip into bed but he knew she noticed he was gone.  
Clara asked, "Where the hell have you been?"

Malcolm sighed, "I couldn't sleep so I had a cigarette or....4 on the balcony."

Clara groaned, "4? No wonder you smell like smoke."

Malcolm sighed, "Sorry. I wasnae paying attention ta how many I had."

Clara sighed, "All right. Let's just go back to sleep."

Malcolm coughed a couple times and replied, "Aye, Clara." They eventually settled with him spooned behind her with a possessive hand on one of her breasts. He kissed the back of her neck before he finally nodded off.


	6. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm makes some plans

Eventually Malcolm moved in Clara's house and Clara gave him a room that the turned into an office. Clara would have to drag him out of it in order to get him to eat with the family. One day out of the blue Malcolm completely surprised her with a request.  
Malcolm had been thinking about it for the last year he and Clara had been together. He finally made the decision that although he wasn't quite ready to Mary Clara he wanted to give her girls his name. He had just hung up the phone after yet again cleaning up a disaster Nicola had made and Clara was sitting in the only other chair in the room. He faced her and said, "I want ta fucking give the girls my name."

Clara asked, "You want to adopt another man's children?"

Malcolm groaned, "Aye. That's what I fucking said, isn't it? They deserve ta have a fucking proper last name rather than that o' their mam. Right now they are fucking bastards by an unwed mam. No offense. I fucking love them and don't want them ta have ta fucking go through life with the fucking stigma o' being bastards. Unless ye think I ain't fucking good enough ta be their da."

Clara sighed, "You have been a wonderful dad to the girls. As far as I care you are their dad, Malcolm. I'm just surprised that you want to adopt them. We can always ask them if they want to take your name."

Malcolm replied, "Well I figured if I was gonna fucking raise them I may as well fucking be their da. Besides I donnae fucking run away from my fucking responsibilities. If I fucking adopt them then ye got a fucking guarantee I'm not going anywhere. Granted it works both fucking ways. I'd always demand ta be part of their fucking lives even if ye didnae want me in yer fucking life anymore."

Clara sighed, "You are stuck with us, Malcolm Tucker."

Malcolm put his glasses back on and went back to work when Clara walked out the door. A few minutes later he was assaulted by his two girls. He hugged both of them and asked, "What are ye here for?"

Mary asked, "Do you REALLY want to adopt us, papa? Make us Tuckers?"

Malcolm chuckled, "Aye. I do, lassie. That's if ye donnae fucking disagree with it."

Mary replied, "No We want to be Tuckers, papa."

Malcolm kissed both girls on the forehead and replied, "Well. If yer mam fucking agrees I'll see if I can."

Mary wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. She said, "I love you, papa."

Malcolm replied, "I love ye to Mairi."

Lulu said, "Love, Pepper."

Malcolm hugged Lulu and replied, "I love ye as well, Lana." He had started calling Mary the Gaelic version of her name and Lulu he called Lana which means darling in Gaelic. He started it because they wanted names that only he called them so he did what they wanted. Just like every time they managed to con him into watching the fucking friendly ponies for hours with those sad brown eyes. He was a fucking sucker for sad wide brown eyes. He sometimes thinks Clara and her girls have a genetic ability to fucking inflate their eyes to make them look more sad.

A couple hours later Clara went into Malcolm's office and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She lightly tapped his rounded soft belly and said, "Come and have dinner with us. You've been at this for hours. Surely you can spare an hour to have dinner with your family."

Malcolm took his glasses off and scrubbed a hand over his face before replying, "All right, eudail. Just give me about 10 minutes." He had eventually gotten used to the fact that he was going to eat 3 meals day even if Clara had to force feed him. He had to laugh about that because he probably would let her too. He now had a small rounded soft pot belly since he had been forced to eat properly. He had been bothered by it at first but he found that he liked the attention Clara gives him there. She likes him with the rounded belly and he's too fucking old to care about trying to stay thin anymore. Only reason he had been thin was because he was lucky if he had eaten once a day. He went out to the dining room and ate dinner with his family before going back to work for hours until he fell into bed. He felt Clara's head on his shoulder and hand on his belly before he nodded off to sleep.

Clara eventually found out that Malcolm was now working for the opposition. None other than one Nicola Murray. She could tell he really hated her but was dedicated to his job. She was spending more time with him and started to realize he was getting angrier and colder. She was glad it didn't affect his relationship with the girls but he spent more time alone on the balcony than before. Their sex life was more aggressive. He wanted her to beat him harder and longer than before. A few times he had asked her to fuck him with the vibrator dry and she flat out refused. She didn't mind fucking him with the vibrator but she was going to make sure he was slick so she wouldn't tear him up. Then she wound up having to whip his back and chest to make him feel enough pain.

Malcolm was angry at the people who had set him up in the first place. Now he was stuck working for Nicola Fucking Murray. He was so fucking bored that he was losing his mind. He spent his days trying to figure out how to fuck over Nicola because she truly was an idiot. He came home feeling guilty about it and had Clara beat him. He had been distancing himself from Clara because he didn't want her to figure out what he was doing. He hadn't planned on everything becoming unraveled like it did in the end....


	7. Three Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well the girls are in school and Malcolm is very unhappy working for the opposition

About 2 weeks later Clara took Malcolm and the girls to Adoption Register for England and Wales in order for him to petition to adopt the girls. She agreed to the adoption and showed the judge they had to see the documents stating that the girls natural father signed away his rights as a parent. About a month after that The girls were officially Mary and Lulu Tucker and were enrolled in school as such. She made sure the schools knew that Malcolm was their father and was approved to be picking them up at times if she couldn't.

One day Malcolm had to leave work early in order to pick up the girls at school. He signed for them and got the strangest looks from the teachers. He said, "Wut?"

The secretary replied, "Sorry. I just hadn't realized that Mary's father was....Iago with a blackberry."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows and replied, "Oh? There are a lot o' fucking things ye don't know about me. One of which is that I would fucking die ta protect both my girls. I..." he stopped in the middle of ranting as Mary pulled on his jacket. He squatted and asked, "How was yer day, Mairi?"

Mary wrapped her arms around Malcolm's neck and replied, "It was all right, papa. Where's mummy?"

Malcolm replied, "She had some fucking meeting with the parents night. It's just ye, me, and Lana tonight. Maybe I'll call and ask yer mam if I can order pizza."

Mary replied, "Please?"

Malcolm replied, "We'll see, hhokay?" He got a nod and took her hand to lead her out to the car. After that he picked up Lulu and they all went home. Later on he called Clara and asked, "Do ye fucking mind if I order pizza for the girls and me, eudail? I donnae feel like fucking cooking."

Clara sighed, "All right, Malcolm. It has been a while since they have had it."

Malcolm replied, "Thanks, boss." He then called and ordered a large cheese pizza and they all ate at the dining room table. After dinner he had the girls go get some toys and play in the living room while they watched My Little Pony and he had a cigarette on the balcony of the living room so he could watch them. He had 2 cigarettes before he came back in to sit on the sofa. He soon had one girl on either side of him. Just like their mam they loved his small rounded soft belly. He found that while Clara just liked it the girls would calm down if they were upset if he held them and they fell asleep with their head on his belly as a pillow.

Mary asked, "Papa? What do you look like?"

Malcolm replied, "I'm old.....lanky.....have short curly gray hair......um gray eyes and ye all ready know about my round belly."

Mary asked, "May I feel your face?"

Malcolm replied, "I guess so."

Mary felt Malcolm's face starting at his short hair that was starting get curly as it got longer. She could feel bushy eyebrows, crow's feet in the creases of his eyes, bags under his eyes, some wrinkles and slight sagging of his skin on his thin angular face. After she was done tracing his face she kissed both his cheeks and lips. She said, "I love you, papa."

Malcolm wrapped his arms around Mary and kissed her forehead. He replied, "I love ye too, Mairi. No matter what happens donnae ever forget or doubt that. Ye, yer mam, and yer sister are the best thing that has ever happened ta me. Ye three are the ONLY ones that matters ta me."

Mary asked, "You sick, papa?"

Malcolm replied, "No, Lassie. I just want ye ta know I'll always love all o' ye."

Mary placed her head on his chest over his heart and listened to it beating. She fisted his shirt over the curve of his belly and replied, "Ok, papa."

Malcolm was leaning back against the sofa and Lulu was asleep on his left side while Mary was on his right. He carded his fingers through Mary's hair until he felt her relax. If there was any way you could die of fucking boredom....he'd be dead work with Nicola Fucking Murray. Two years he's had to put out fires and help her in her bid for PM. He hated it but had to work with the opposition to get back into fucking Downing Street because if she won PM he'd be back in. The problem is that she is a fucking omnishambles. Eventually he got the girls to bed, read them a story, and went out on the balcony to have a cigarette. In truth he really hadn't been feeling well..He wasn't as busy as he used to be and doped up on caffeine as much. He couldn't describe how he felt he just didn't feel right but he was almost 60. He was getting headaches, dizziness, weakness, stumbling, blurry vision, and sometimes just can understand what someone is telling him. The most unusual thing is that his hands and face were going numb.

Clara saw Malcolm on the balcony smoking so she went out to talk. She stood next to him and sometimes didn't even know what to say to him because he had gotten so cold and tetchy over the last 2 years. She knew part of it had to do with the fact that he couldn't stand working for Nicola but he was stuck with her if he wanted back into Downing Street. Their relationship was all ready strained when he had moved in with them but she loves him. She knows the last time they had screwed him something snapped in Malcolm. He was not as affectionate or loving as he had been before that forced resignation. She believed he did still love her and the girls but he was absolute rubbish at showing it now. Clara had to admit their sex life was still very good even though she had to dominate him and beat him more than usual. She knew he was feeling guilty about something based on how much she had to hurt him. Clara turned to walk back in the house and stopped when he spoke.

Malcolm whispered, "I love ye very much, eudail. I'm sorry I'm not a better "husband" ta ye."

Clara replied, "I love you, Malcolm. You are a good father to the girls and....I think that's probably the most important thing right now. I don't know what you feel so guilty about but I hope it.....straightens itself out soon. I'd like to have at least part of the old Malcolm back that I fell in love with 3 years ago."

Malcolm turned to lean with his back against the railing and sighed, "I....donnae know if I can be him again, Clara. I want ye ta understand it isnae yer fault. It's Steve fucking Flemming's fault. Even though I seem like a cold hearted fucking bastard now....I love ye and the girls more than anything in the world. I'd have been even worse if ye weren't part o' my life."

Clara sighed, "Could you at least try, Malcolm? For the girls? For US?"

Malcolm lit another cigarette and sighed, "I...donnae know."

Clara wasn't sure but she was suddenly very angry. She turned around and stood toe to toe with him and snapped, "Do you even want there to be an US? Or have you all ready written it off as a bloody lost cause? Maybe that's why you have NEVER asked me to marry you? Because YOU really don't want a family?" She was beating her fists on his chest and he just let her do it because he deserved it.

Malcolm swallowed thickly and sighed, "I...never thought I'd have a family but that doesnae mean I donnae want one. I didnae ask ye ta marry me because I'm fucking old and ye deserve better than me. I....figured ye'd get sick o' me and find someone new and younger. I just donae ta make ye .....feel obligated ta stay with me if ye donnae want ta someday. Ye are the only real family I have, Clara. Far as I am concerned....ye are my wife. If ye.....want me ta leave....Just fucking tell me so."

Clara cried, "Sometimes you are so bloody STUPID. No I don't want you to leave. I want US to be a family you stupid old man! I never cared that you are almost 60 years old. Yeah, I figured out you are close to 60 but that didn't change my mind about being with you. The girls don't care either because you ARE their father now. They adore you and so do I. Even if you are a stubborn old angry owl! I just want you to BE more of a part of this family."

Malcolm wrapped his arms around Clara and whispered, "I'll.....try, eudail. I'll try." After a few minutes he let Clara go inside and he smoked another cigarette before going inside. He held Clara while she slept and hated himself even more. The next day he sold his house and put the money he got out of it in a bank account with Clara's name on it just in case everything went down the fucking shitter. He also added Clara's name to his own bank account so she could have access to it. He also had a will written up leaving anything he owned when he died to her and the girls. He also gave her power of attorney incase he got very ill. He could feel a sense of dread on the horizon and he wanted to be prepared for it.


	8. Trial & Tribulations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Malcolm's arrested and tried. He also has a set back.

When he finally got rid of Nicola he hadn't expected the PM to do an inquiry into ALL government leaking. As soon as the Goulding Inquiry happened Malcolm truly knew he was well and truly fucked. There was that looming sense of dread he had felt for months. He had fucked Nicola very well but in the process had fucked himself because every one of the people he had threatened, manipulated, and blackmailed ganged up on him. Although he didn't plan on the current PM opening the investigation to include ALL fucking leaking. When he was ordered to turn himself into the police he tried to do it without a media circus but thanks to fucking Ollie he couldn't. By time he got home he knew Clara was furious with him again.

Clara had seen the news that Malcolm had been arrested and charged with perjury, leaking sensitive documents, conspiracy, and gross negligence manslaughter in the death of one Douglas Tickel. She couldn't believe what was happening. She met him at the door and asked, "Is it true?"

Malcolm whispered, "Aye, eudail. It is." He then got a hard resounding slap that knocked him on his arse on the floor from the force of it. He didn't even bother getting back on his feet. He just sat there with his legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them and chin on his knees as Clara ranted and yelled at him.

Clara yelled, "What in the bloody hell were you thinking?! My god, Malcolm! Perjury, leaking sensitive documents, conspiracy, and gross negligence manslaughter?? What the bloody hell is next? Actual murder? How long? How did you even get away without them noticing?"

Malcolm sighed, "It was my job ta fucking do it! When I met ye I was the Director of Communications in Downing Street, yeah? I was also the PM enforcer. I did what I fucking had ta do ta protect the twats and cunts in the PM's cabinet. That included leaking, threats, bullying, and any other means necessary. Tickel......was an unfortunate side effect of a leak just meant to shut him the fuck up. Perjury is because I was trying to save my own fucking bollocks from being chopped off and they caught me in the lie. I...fucked myself. I made Nicola start an investigation into Tickel's death not realizing the fucking current PM would expand it to ALL fucking leaking in government and then I'd be the fucking bastard they nailed out on a fucking cross. Now I'm the one that will pay for it all."

Clara yelled, "You really screwed up this time! I....I don't even know what to do with this mess."

Malcolm replied, "Donnae worry. I'll be out o' yer life soon enough when they throw me in jail. I always told ye that ye are too good for the likes o' me. For what it's worth I'm sorry ye and the girls will be drug in ta this fucking mess. The sooner I get the fuck out o' yer life the better. I'll pack my shite in the morning and find a place ta stay until I get locked up."

Clara groaned, "I may be very angry with you right now but I'm not going to just throw you out. I still love you and will not desert you. We are a family even if you do go to jail."

Malcolm replied, "I donnae fucking want ye ta visit me there. Ye'll have enough shite just being fucking associated with me now."

Clara replied, "You wouldn't forbid YOUR daughters to visit their daddy, would you?"

Malcolm groaned, "I donnae want them ta fucking see me like that either."

Clara replied, "They love you. They may not understand why their daddy is in jail but they will still love you just the same. You can't push them away when they won't bloody understand why. All you'll do is hurt them and make them think you hate them."  
Malcolm banged his forehead on his knees and replied, "Fine! Yer the fucking boss anyway. I just fucking was trying to cause ye the least amount of embarrassment I could." That night when he went to bed he curled up against Clara's side and cried on her shoulder until he fell asleep. 

The day of Malcolm trial Clara took off work and kept the girls home so they could go to his trial. They sat right behind Malcolm and she got called on by his lawyer as a character witness. She hated it but she sat in the witness stand and tried to answer what she could.

Henry Howard was Malcolm's lawyer and his client had told him all about Clara Oswald and called her in hopes to help Malcolm. He asked, "Miss Clara Oswald. How long have you known the defendant?"

Clara replied, "A little over 3 years."

Henry asked, "Now you are the defendant's girlfriend and lover correct?"

Clara replied, "Yes."

Henry asked, "You have two children with the defendant correct?"

Clara replied, "We have two children but Malcolm adopted them."

Henry asked, "He did? Could you explain for the court?"

Clara replied, "Yes. When Malcolm met me I had 2 daughter from a previous relationship. They took to him very quickly and a year after we met he moved in with us. He asked me if I'd allow him to adopt Mary and Lulu. I agreed because he was their father in every aspect except by name. He has been a wonderful father to my girls. There is no doubt in my mind he adores them. He even watches My Little Pony with them."

Henry asked, "Has the defendant ever shown any signs of being corrupt since you've known him?"

Clara replied, "I've never known him to be anything but honest if asked something outright. He did tend to.....with hold some information at times. I believe he had a good reason to do so."

Henry asked, "Could give us an example?"

Clara looked at Malcolm as an apology before saying, "I never knew his last name or that he worked at Downing Street until his first forced resignation. It was all over the news. When he came home he admitted he had purposely not told me because of being worried that the reputation he had at work would color my opinion of him. It did not but I can understand how some would judge him by that."

Henry asked, "Now Miss Oswald, the defendant has been accused of having the morals and disposition of a velociraptor. Would you say this is a true statement?"

Clara replied, "Not the Malcolm I know. The man I know is loving, kind, a wonderful father, dedicated and patient. I'm not saying he doesn't have his cranky moods but he doesn't remind me of a velociraptor."

Henry asked, "Were you aware of the accusations on the defendant?"

Clara replied, "No I had no idea about the accusations until it was all over the news."

Henry asked, "Did he at any time admit to any of these crimes?"

Clara replied, "No. He didn't. Anything he may have done pertaining to his job I believe he was either ordered to do so or had a very good reason to do so. Regardless of his reputation Malcolm is not a spiteful man." She knew she had just lied but just hoped she wasn't caught in it.

Henry asked, "Does the defendant have a temper?"

Clara replied, "Yes. At times he does but then so does just about everyone."

Henry asked, "Have you ever witnessed the defendant's temper aimed either at you, your kids or someone else?"

Clara replied, "Yes. I have seen his temper a few times over the years but I was usually just as angry with him. He has NEVER directed his anger at the girls. If he is angry with them he tells me and I discipline them."

Henry asked, "Has the defendant ever used bullying or physical force on you or your children?"

Clara replied, "No never. Malcolm has not been a violent man for as long as I have known him."

Henry replied, "Thank you Miss Oswald."

John Most was the prosecuting attorney and had done his research. He was trying to throw Malcolm's defense off balance by attacking his character. He asked, "Miss Oswald. You're two children were born out of wedlock, correct?"  
Clara replied, "Yes. That's not a secret."

John asked, "So then the defendant knew your children were illegitimate when he met you?"

Clara replied, "Yes. He wanted to adopt them so they would have a proper father and name."

John asked, "How chivalrous of him. Why hasn't the defendant ever married you then? You share his bed, he has adopted your children but yet he has never married you. Maybe he figures why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free. Or maybe he just thinks you are a slut."

Henry yelled, "Objection! He's making assumptions. He has no proof."

John asked, "Are you sure the defendant hasn't threatened you if you told the truth? Maybe bullied you into lying for him?"

Clara replied, "No. Malcolm has never made me do anything. He has and never would threaten me or the girls."

John replied, "Oh? That's right. The defendant likes to be controlled. He likes to be beaten and tied up. Ah..You must be his new Mistress then. Are you his Mistress? Do you beat him and tie him up for fun?"

Clara replied, "We have a consensual Dominate/Submissive relationship. He approached me about it. I have refused to do some of the requests he has made but I have never done anything he has not asked me to do. Our intimate relationship is none of your business, sir."

John asked, "You are called a control freak by your students and fellow teachers. How can you expect me to believe you don't run the show with the defendant?"

Clara replied, "Maybe you should ask him."

John asked, "Are you aware Miss Oswald, that the defendant has sold his home, put the money he got from that sale in an a bank account with only your name on it? He also added you to his own personal bank account, wrote a will leaving everything to you as well as giving you power of attorney?"

Clara replied, "What? No I had no idea. The only thing I did know about was adding my name to his personal account so that I could pay bills out of it."

John could tell she didn't know so his theory about him paying her off for lying was wrong. Also the theory that she was blackmailing him was out as well.

Malcolm was watching this whole debacle of a trial and got madder and madder at that cunt attacking his Clara. When it was his turn on the stand he was very cold.

John asked, "You have been with Miss Oswald for 3 years, correct?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I have."

John asked, "You adopted her 2 illegitimate children? You are also in a Dominate/Submissive relationship with her?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I adopted Mary and Lulu and am in a completely consensual relationship by my own choice with Clara."

John asked, "When did you tell her you liked to be beaten and tied up?"

Malcolm replied, "After I was forced to resign over the Dam that accused me o' beating her."

John asked, "Did you beat that prostitute? Did Miss Oswald know about her?"

Malcolm replied, "No. Clara didnae until I had ta resign. I had not seen the woman since before I started dating Clara so I did not consider it important at the time. The woman would beat me. I asked her too. She was the Dom. I never touched her in any aggressive manner at all."

John asked, "Why did you approach Miss Oswald to be your Mistress?"

Malcolm replied, "She saw the abuse charges all over the news. I felt I had to tell her about being a submissive in case it was brought up. The reason why I asked her to be my Mistress was and still is because I TRUST her. Trust doesn't come easily to me. I may be a lot of things but I love my family."

John asked, "If you love them so much why didn't you ask Miss Oswald to marry you?"

Malcolm replied, "I was afraid that someday she would grow tired o' me because o' my age and....needs. I didn't want her ta feel obligated ta stay with me. In all honesty I have wanted ta marry her since before I moved in with them."

John asked, "Why did you adopt her children?"

Malcolm replied, "I didnae want them ta have the stigma o' having their mam's name because they were born out o' wedlock because their sperm donor skipped the country soon after he got Clara with child the 2nd time.. I love them and wanted ta be their da."

John asked, "Why did you sell your house and give everything to Miss Oswald?"

Malcolm replied, "I'm an...old man. I can't deny that. I will die before Clara does. I wanted ta make sure her and the girls would be all right when I do. I didnae need my house anymore because I wasnae going ta leave Clara unless she threw me out. I was just providing for my family for when I was gone. The power o' attorney....I chose Clara because I trust her ta do the right thing if I can't do it myself."

John asked, "Were you aware that Clara is currently pregnant?"

Malcolm looked at Clara who blushed but nodded. He replied, "I have no idea how ye got that information. Who leaking to ye? No I did not know but then I've been busy with my lawyer and she's been busy with the girls. I know she would have told me soon as we had the time ta talk about it." What Malcolm wanted to know was what the fuck did his love life have to do with his charges? Eventually it started to move on to his current charges and he figured out that the bastard was trying to rattle his cage which made him more angry. He really started to feel weird and fell out of the stand on to his side. Only thing he could tell was he couldn't move his right side before he went unconscious. He felt Clara holding him and mumbled, "I love ye, eudail."

Clara didn't care what the judge said and ran over to Malcolm. She yelled, "Call 999. Malcolm, Stay with me." She was crying as he was taken away in an ambulance to the hospital. She hopped in her car with the girls and followed the ambulance. They sat in the waiting room waiting for someone to talk to them.


	9. Hospitalization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm's in the hospital and finds some draw backs.

Clara and the girls had been waiting for 2 hours before she went up and asked, "Excuse me. I'm looking for information on Malcolm Tucker. I'm his significant other and these are our daughters. He was brought in about two hours ago."

The nurse looked it up and asked, "Your name, Miss?"

Clara sighed, "Clara Oswald."

The nurse replied, "You are his power of attorney?"

Clara replied, "Yes."

The nurse replied, "I will let the doctor know you are looking for him."

Clara was so frustrated at the moment because that was a LOT of bloody help. She took the girls back over to sit back down and wait. 

Mary asked, "Mummy? Is papa going to be all right? He's not going to die is he?"

Clara replied, "I'm sure he'll be fine hunny."

Doctor Jones said, "Malcolm Tucker's party?"

Clara replied, "That's us."

Dr. Jones said, "You're husband has had a stroke. He was brought to the hospital fast enough to have Thrombolysis and we managed to stop the major damage from the stroke. He is currently unconscious still but he doesn't appear to have major damage to his organs, or extremities. We will not really know what was affected until he wakes up and how to treat him from there. He will most like have some damage but hopefully it will not be only minor in nature. I will have a nurse take you to his room as soon as he is admitted."

About an hour later Clara and the girls were led to Malcolm's room where they sat waiting for him to wake up. After about another hour she noticed him move. She said, "Malcolm? Can you hear me?"

Malcolm noticed his right side was aching but he could feel the hand holding his and his head felt a bit fuzzy. His right leg was rather numb and the right side of his face was a bit off. He slurred, "Eudail? Whut 'appened?"

Clara ran her hand through his hair and replied, "You've had a stroke, hunny. The doctor said you shouldn't have major damage but....there will be issues."

Malcolm's brain wasn't working very fast and it was frustrating the hell out of him. He slurred, "My....mind...thinking to slow. It like a fucking.....dodo. Dumb....Fucking retarded. arrgh." He gave up because he was only pissing himself off more by trying to think. He pulled his right hand out of Clara's and smacked his head repeatedly in frustration.

Mary grabbed Malcolm's left hand and said, "Papa? Please. Calm down. It's all right."

Malcolm stopped and looked at his beautiful blind daughter and then at his little Lana crying in her mam's arms and knew he had to deal with this if only for them. He gently tugged her hand and she crawled up on the bed next to him with her head on his chest. He carded his good hand through her hair and slurred, "I'm sorry, Mairi. Just not....used ta feeling so..... dumb and slow."

Dr. Jones came in and saw Malcolm was awake and started to run some tests. He said, "I'm going to ask you some simple questions and I'd like you to tell me whatever you can remember."

Malcolm sighed, "Hhokay."

Dr. Jones asked, "What's your full name?"

Malcolm replied, "Malcolm Dougan Tucker."

Dr. Jones asked, "Where were you born? What's your birthday? How old are you?"

Malcolm replied, "Glasgow, Scotland......April 14th, 19...55? I think. I'm 60."

Dr. Jones replied, "Good. Now who is this woman and these lovely girls?"

Malcolm replied, "My....wife, Clara. The girls are...our daughters......Mairi and Lana...no sorry Lulu is her real name. I call...her Lana."

Dr. Jones asked, " How old are Lulu and Mary? What is your wife's age?"

Malcolm replied, "Mairi is...9? and Lulu is.....7? I think. Clara is 31."

Dr. Jones asked, "How long have you been together?"

Malcolm replied, "I....was 57......3 years now."

Dr. Jones asked, "What does your wife do for a living?"

Malcolm took a while to think on that before he replied, "I think.....a teacher?"

Dr. Jones asked, "Can you remember what school?"

Malcolm sighed, "No. I......cannae remember."

Dr. Joes asked, "What did you do for a living?"

Malcolm opened and closed his mouth a few times before he said, "I donnae know. All I get is swearing in a suit all the time because I was always angry at.....someone."

Dr. Jones asked, "When is your wedding anniversary?"

Malcolm replied, "I donnae...... Wait......Not married. Clara? Why aren't we married?" He saw he shushing him and automatically obeyed.

When Dr. Jones was finished asking the more complicated questions which Malcolm couldn't answer as well as poking and prodding he said, "Mr. Tucker, You have a numb right leg which showed no clots so I believe you have nerve damage in it which is also causing the pain you feel as well. You do not appear to have any stiffness in it or your arm. You will probably need to use a cane because you cannot feel your leg but you will be able to walk. Your right arm and hand are not numb and react to stimulus even though it may be a bit sluggish. The right side of your face is a bit slack but not highly noticeable except for the slur in your speech. Now the most noticeable problem is that your memory and comprehension has been affected. You will have a hard time understanding and remembering how to do things for the rest of your life. This may or may not include simple tasks. You may also have a hard time communicating because your language center of your brain has been affected as well. I wouldn't recommend you working anymore because of all of these disabilities."

Malcolm groaned, "Fucking lovely."

Clara asked, "What about prison?"

Dr. Jones replied, "No I wouldn't recommend that either. He is not the same man that they arrested. I will inform the judge. It will do him more harm than good at this point. I can't guarantee it will help but I will do what I can."

Malcolm closed his eyes and couldn't even remember why he had been arrested. Fuck he couldn't even remember what he did for a living. All he could remember were the words "Spin Doctor" and "Iago" but it didn't make any sense to him. He hoped he would remember but he wouldn't be holding his breath. He was grateful he could remember Clara, Mary, and Lulu. He randomly asked, "Can I ever have sex again?"

Dr. Jones replied, "You should be able to as most of the effects of the stroke are mental rather than physical. I would prefer you to wait until you are recovered and the medication we are putting you on is regulated to where it has to be first. If you don't wait for the meds to stabilize you might stroke out again. You were very lucky this time. You may not be the next time."

Malcolm replied, "Hhokay." He didn't want Clara to be stuck with a man that couldn't get it up anymore. She was young and able to bear children....He suddenly remembered and said, "Yer with child."

Clara replied, "Yes. I am, Malcolm."

Malcolm slurred, "How long?"

Clara replied, "2 months."

Malcolm sighed, "Sorry......I...bad timing......for having a bairn."

Clara took his hand and carded her fingers through his hair with the other hand. She replied, "I'm happy that we are having a baby together. You have been such a good father to the girls I hoped you would get the chance to have your own as well."  
Malcolm replied, "I'm....fucking retarded and.......senile! I cannae.....even fucking think....properly!" He was getting frustrated again and he felt Mairi's hand tighten on his gown. He kissed the top of her head and sighed, "Sorry.....Not trying ta upset ye." He knew he'd never be the man he was before this and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or bad.

Two weeks later Clara got word that the criminal charges against Malcolm had been dropped due to Malcolm's inability to remember his job or anything he did there. The judge had declared it improper and unfair to try and convict a man for a crime he didn't even remember committing because he couldn't even confirm or deny doing it. She sighed in relief when she heard it because at least she'd be able to properly take care of him and he'd know all his children.


	10. Recovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm's starting to recover but having a hard time dealing with the changes he has to deal with. Very long chapter lol

After about 2 months of therapy Malcolm could come home as long as he continued to go for his appointments. His mind was still very sluggish and had many holes in his memories. He was walking again but had to rely on a cane because his right leg was the next closest thing to dead weight. He needed help shaving because his right hand shook badly all the time and his left shook but not all the time. He was trying to learn how to write with his left hand but got very frustrated and was very short tempered. His right leg also throbbed while it was numb and that also pissed him off. The doctors started him on pain killers, blood thinners, antidepressants, blood pressure, anti-seizure, and anticonvulsant medications. While he was in the hospital they found out he had neurological damage that will cause him to have random epileptic like seizures and convulsions. In his own language his brain is fucking fried. It's fucking misfiring. He's fucking fucked up in the head. He had to relearn how to feed himself and had to admired how Clara stood by him, helped him and then fed him when he was too exhausted to try anymore. 

Clara had not left Malcolm's side since he went in the hospital. She even took family leave to take care of him when he came home until they could find a aide for him while she was working. She never had imagined she'd be taking care of him this soon but she was glad he was still around to take care of even if he did swear and yell a lot from frustration. He could now feed himself again even though it was slowly because his right hand shook constantly. He was able to walk around the house slowly with the cane and up and down stairs with assistance. He could for the most part dress himself except for buttons on shirts and shoe laces. He could manage basic hygiene and go to the bathroom alone but Clara had to help him shower because of his bad leg and shaky hand. She shaved him every morning, buttoned his shirts and helped him downstairs. She had bought him some slip on loafers so he didn't have to deal with shoe laces. She made the meals and usually cut anything hard to cut for him. She basically kept an eye on him while he puttered around the house, finding a book, reading until he threw the book in frustration, watching TV, going out to the balcony for a cigarette, or going to the downstairs bathroom. The downstairs office Malcolm had before the stroke now had a day bed and a lift chair so he could take a nap during the day or read more comfortably and not have to struggle to get out of the chair.

Malcolm felt so useless and that also frustrated him. He wanted to help Clara with things but his body and brain wouldn't cooperate. He had to let Clara take over doing the bills because his writing was atrocious now and his mind couldn't comprehend amounts to pay. He was all right to read novels because he could usually follow enough of the words to get the gist of the story but even that frustrated him at times and he would throw the book in aggravation. His mind had been affected the worst from the stroke and he couldn't even read or do basic math sometimes. He can't even really cook anymore because he can't follow a recipe because his mind scrambles it all up and the ones he used to actually know are gone from his memory. Some days he can barely make a fucking cup of tea or coffee. Other days....He can remember how to make a very simple meal but his hands shake too much. He felt guilty as fucking hell because Clara is doing all the housework, cooking, helping him bath, shave, cutting his hair, driving him around, at times eat and drink, and patiently dealing with his frustrated 2 year old temper tantrums. She just lets him rant, rave and thrown things until he collapses in a chair or on the sofa sobbing in frustration. At times he just wishes he had fucking died because had to start at the beginning again and he'll never be the same as he was before no matter how hard he tried. His body was annoying but the biggest frustration was his fucked up mind. He had been clever, quick witted and smart now he was slow witted, confused and dumb. There were days he look at a page in a novel he was struggling to read and not able to understand a word of it. He knew he SHOULD understand the words but his mind isn't working properly. There were days he couldn't even read a children's book to his girls at bedtime.

Clara watched Malcolm slumped in the living room chair with his tortoise shell glasses on brooding. He had been trying to read a book but when she heard it fly across the room she knew it was a day when his mind wasn't allowing him to comprehend what he was reading. She walked in the living room and lightly touched his shoulder. She asked, "Would you like a cup of tea or coffee, Malcolm?"

Malcolm almost snapped at her but bit his tongue because it wasn't her fault his mind was so fucked up. He replied, "Aye. Coffee, eudail. I'm sorry."

Clara kissed his forehead and replied, "It's all right. I know you're frustrated and having a hard time accepting what's happened."

Malcolm yelled, "I had a mind......now I don't. I'm no use ta ye. I talk like a 5 year old. Big words are....above me now. I'm fucking lucky I have what I have left. My mind is shite! I can barely read and cannae write. I cannae even read a fucking story to my bairns at times! What kind o' fucking da am I now, eudail? They need better! Ye need better than a fucking broken, retarded old man!"

Clara knelt in front of him and asked, "Do you love me? Ah Ah. Do YOU love ME?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. More than ye'll ever know. I want ye ta have better than ME."

Clara replied, "I don't NEED anyone else. I just need your love because I want you. So stop trying to give me away to someone else. That's my dad's job. Your job is to be here when I need you just like I am for you."

Malcolm asked, "Why didnae we ever marry, Clara?"

Clara sighed, "Because you didn't seem to want too. You kept telling me you were too old for me and you didn't want me to be stuck with you. You never thought you were good enough for me. You even refused to meet my dad. You were always conveniently working every Christmas when I had my family over. If it wasn't for the girls having your name and the last couple of times your face was all over the news dad was starting to wonder if you even existed. It really hurt that my lover didn't want to meet my family."

Malcolm replied, "I'm sorry. I guess I was afraid o' losing ye so I drew a line and refused to cross it. I donnae even remember much o' what I was like just bits like a puzzle I cannae put together."

Clara replied, "It's ok. I try not to be mad at you because you.....are not the same man anymore. Your temperament is about the same but you personality has changed."

Malcolm asked, "What ye mean changed?"

Clara replied, "You were working in Downing Street when I met you. I didn't find that out until you had "resigned" but you were a decent man to me. Affectionate and loving with me and the girls. You were trying to be a family with us. After you went back to Downing Street and the PM resigned and you had to back Nicola Murray....you changed. You became cold, angry, and withdrawn. You still tried with the girls but Mary picked up on the difference. Our sex life mostly involved me beating the crap out of you and rough sex. You were so closed off our love life was suffering."

Malcolm sighed, "I'm a fucking mess. How is this any better?"

Clara replied, "Now you are even more open than I've ever known you to be for as long as I have known you. I prefer THIS you because I can finally help you when you need it. I like to know how you feel instead of you hiding it. I don't think I ever saw you cry before the stroke. You also never used to let me comfort you or tell me what was wrong. You used to bottle up everything and I think that may have been a contributing factor in the stroke."

Malcolm sighed, "I donnae know. I guess so. I donnae know who I use ta fucking be anymore."

Clara said, "Next week is Christmas and I hope you're not going to run off on me when my family comes for dinner."

Malcolm groaned, "No. I know I cannae be left alone. I'll be here."

Clara kissed his lips and replied, "Good. Thank you. Let me get you the coffee you wanted."

Malcolm watched her go into the kitchen and after a struggle got out of the chair he was in and slowly made his way to his office. He heavily plopped in his desk chair and started rummaging through his desk looking for the one thing he knew he had. He found a blue velvet ring box in the bottom drawer under some files. He remembered buying it about 2 years ago. He had known Clara a year then but KNEW he wanted to spend his life with her. He just apparently never had the bollocks to ask her ta be his wife. He was confused after the stroke but realized it when he didn't see this ring on her finger or a wedding band that he hadn't asked her. Later he remembered being in this office looking at it many times wishing he would get bold enough to ask her. It was a 2K chocolate diamond with 1Ks canary yellow diamonds around it making it look like a sunflower. He chose the chocolate diamond because it reminded him of Clara's lovely brown eyes. He slipped the box in his pocket and went back to the living room. When Clara came with his coffee he asked, "Do ye still want me? Even....like this?"

Clara replied, "Of course I do, you silly old man. I love you."

He replied, "I'm sorry I I cannae do this the proper way but.....Clara Oswald...Will ye be stuck with me for the rest o' my life? Will ye be able ta stand a fucked up mess like me? Will ye do me the honor o' becoming my wife?" He had pulled out the ring box and opened it by time he said the word wife.

Clara looked at the ring and gasped, "Are they diamonds? This ring must have cost a fortune. When did you buy it?"

Malcolm replied, "I got it 2 years ago. I picked this stone since it reminds me o' yer eyes. The price doesnae matter. Will ye be my wife?"

Clara looked at the open expression of fear in his eyes and replied, "Oh, Malcolm. How can you not know my answer?" She realized that THIS was the real Malcolm hidden under the layers of anger and coldness that she knew before. He was scared and insecure. This was probably the Malcolm before Downing Street before he had buried the real him behind all the walls she had tried so hard to knock down. It took a stroke for those walls to crumble and her to finally know the real Malcolm Tucker.

Malcolm whispered, "Well ye can have the ring anyway. I'd never want anyone else ta have it anyway."

Clara suddenly realized he had misunderstood her. She took his hand and replied, "Yes. I was saying you should know my answer is yes I will marry you. I would have married you two years ago, I will marry you now, and I'd marry you years from now. And it's not because I am 4 months into carrying your child either. I LOVE you."

Malcolm looked into her eyes and asked, "Really? Ye'll still marry this fucking retarded mess o' a man?" He was so afraid she was saying no not that he would have blamed her. Letting him live there and taking care of him was one thing but being legally stuck with him was another because then taking care of him was expected.

Clara kissed his lips and replied, "Yeah. Really, Malcolm. Why wouldn't I? Oh...You really thought I'd say no didn't you? Oh, Malcolm. What am I going to do with you."

Malcolm blushed and replied, "I guess ye could beat me."

Clara laughed, "Nah. I think you have enough pain."

Malcolm made a feral grin and replied, "Ye could make me please ye until ye tell me ta stop."

Clara lightly smacked his rounded belly and replied, "The doctor hasn't cleared you for sex yet."

Malcolm replied, "Who said I was going ta fucking come? Who said I was even going ta fucking get excited? I donnae even know if I can get it up. I just want ta please ye. I....miss being able ta make ye happy. I've missed the intimacy we used ta share. Ye donnae even want ta cuddle."

Clara replied, "It's not that I don't want to cuddle or be intimate. I'm just afraid of hurting you. I sleep to your right and that's your bad side."

Malcolm replied, "I donnae care if ye hurt me. It hurts anyway. Why don't we switch sides? Then ye'll be on my left."

Clara replied, "All right. I didn't think you would want to switch."

Malcolm sighed, "I'd sleep on the fucking floor if it'd get ye ta got ye ta let me hold ye again. It.....bothers me that we are in the same bed but not.....acting like a couple. It....feels like ye are....rejecting me."

Clara replied, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was upsetting you or it made you feel like that. I wouldn't reject you. Malcolm, Don't ever doubt that I love you because I do. When I do things....I am trying to help you even if it may not make sense to you."

Malcolm replied, "I know There are just some things ye donnae have ta do like stay way on the other side o' the bed. Hhokay?"

Clara kissed his lips and replied, "All right but we are switching sides of the bed."

Malcolm pushed a loose bit of hair behind her ear and replied, "Hhokay. Thank ye, Clara." When she leaned closer and hugged him he hugged her back. When she pulled away he slipped the engagement ring on her finger. He asked, "Do ye like it?"

Clara kissed his cheek ad replied, "Yeah. It's beautiful. Thank you. You really didn't have to wait 2 years though."

Malcolm shrugged, "After the stroke I.....thought I had. I didn't realize I hadn't until I noticed ye not wearing it or a wedding band. That's how badly I've wanted ta marry ye."

Clara replied, "Well. You are not backing out now so just remember that. You are mine until you die."

Malcolm replied, "I wouldnae want it any other way, eudail." He watched Clara go to make dinner and hoped he hadn't done the wrong thing for her. Yes she's carrying his bairn but he would give it his name regardless of whether he was married to Clara or not. He didn't run from his duties like the girl's father did. About an hour later he had to little girls running in the house and Mary pouncing in his lap while Lulu went to the kitchen. He had gotten angry again by trying to read but the minute he saw Mary he mellowed out. He didn't know why but the only one able to calm him down was Mary. He loved both girls but Mary was his favorite. For some reason she always had a soothing effect on him that almost instantly calmed him down. He asked, "How was school?"  
Mary sat on his left leg and kissed his cheek. She replied, "It was all right. Soon I may be able to read you a story, papa. We are learning to read story books in Braille.

Malcolm replied, "That's great, Mairi. Papa's mind is fucked up again today. It's like fucking scrambled eggs. Cannae read a fucking thing today. Yer mam will have ta read ye a story tonight."

Mary replied, "That's ok. Are you feeling ok?"

Malcolm sighed, "I'm not bad today except for up here." He lightly tapped Mary's temple.

Mary wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "I love you, papa."

Malcolm kissed her cheek and replied, "I know ye do. I love ye too. What's wrong?" He noticed she was crying on his shoulder. He just held her until she was just sniffling. He coaxed, "Ye going ta tell me what's wrong, Mairi?"

Mary replied, "You could have died. Now you're sickly. I'm just afraid of losing you."

Malcolm let her settle against his shoulder and replied, "I didnae die, did I? I'm not really sickly. I'm crippled and my mind donnae fucking work properly anymore. My body just doesnae work right. It's not going ta make me...die any sooner. It's just is a pain in the fucking arse. Besides I'm too fucking stubborn ta die."

Mary replied, "I'm just scared of you dying on us. You...are the closest thing to a daddy we've ever had."

Malcolm kissed her temple and replied, "Hey. I AM yer da. I love both o' ye. I'm not going ta leave ye without a fight, hhokay?"

Mary replied, "Ok, papa." She was constantly worried because since he had been ill he was acting different, often upset, yelling, throwing things, and often not able to concentrate. She didn't understand why all that well just that he was not the same. She may not have eyes but she can sense he's different. He throws fits and breaks down sobbing. 

Clara knew that Mary was a daddy's girl and always crawled into Malcolm's lap when she got home from school while Lulu usually came to her. She knew both loved their daddy but Mary had formed a special bond with him the last couple of years. 

Malcolm was running his hand over Mary's hair while she was curled up in his lap. He admits that he favors Mary but he didn't shun Lulu. He would always buy them both presents and spend time with and protect them both. It just happened that Mary migrated to him more and desired more personal time with him than Lulu did. Especially after his stroke Mary had to be close to him as much as possible. He never realized how much Mary loved him until that happened. When he slept on the day bed on weekends or in the afternoon he'd wake up to find Mary curled up next to him. He also had to sit in her bed with her until she fell asleep. If she didn't talk to him before she left for school she'd come looking for him because he was usually still in bed. He'd hold her and talk to her for a few minutes before Clara came in to get her for the bus. Mary was never far from him for very long because she would get antsy and panic. He knew that she needed to hear his voice and touch him because she could just see that he was fine. He was aware that when he was sleeping she would curl against his side, unbutton two of the buttons over his lower belly and slip her hand in the gap. He eventually realized she did this for the skin contact so she could feel he was still warm and alive. She could also feel the slight ripple the rise and fall of his breathing made constantly in his belly. At first he was bothered by it because he didn't know why she did it. Now he was used to her doing it. 

Clara smiled when she saw Malcolm holding Mary in his lap. She went back to making dinner and watching Lulu do her homework at the kitchen table. When dinner was done she set the table and called Malcolm and Mary. She kept an eye on Malcolm up his dinner waiting to see if she should do it. The therapist told her to let him try and do things himself before she did it for him so they could find out just exactly where the line is to what he is capable of doing and what he'll need done for him. She was finding it took him time but he could cut softer things but anything tough she usually had to cut for him. She made sure he got his evening pills with his coffee like always. She watched him slowly walk out to the balcony for a cigarette. She noticed Mary follow. She was proud of how well Mary knew their home. She also knew Mary knew everyone of their foot falls. Malcolm had always had a distinct way of walking but now with the limp and the cane it was even more distinctive. She knew Mary would follow that particular gait anywhere.

After dinner Mary heard her dad's limping gait going toward the balcony so she followed him like she always did. She stuck her head out the sliding door and asked, "Papa?"

Malcolm had sat in the lounge chair and just lit a cigarette when he heard Mary calling him. He replied, "I'm over here, Mairi." He had figured she'd follow him because it was what she always did. When she got close enough he held out his left hand to guide her to him so she could hop on his lap. He was always amaze by how perceptive she was with him. She knew his right side was the bad one and always to sit on his left leg of she was in his lap. She had been hopping in his lap while he had a cigarette quite a while even though originally it wasn't all the time. They had started this ritual when she was about 7 but it had become the norm after his stroke because she needed to always be with him whenever she was home. He hadn't realized at first that the thought of him dying scared her so badly until he came home and she would panic if she wasn't close enough to touch him. He would always make sure he gave her the contact she needed whether it was sitting in his lap, an arm around her when he napped, or just holding her hand. Whatever she needed he would accommodate her if he could. She was starting to not panic as much now that he had been home for a while but she still needed to touch him and follow him.

With his help Mary managed to hop up on his left knee so she wouldn't jar or hurt his bad right leg. She used to do this every so often before he got sick but after he came home she needed to stay close enough to him to touch him. She didn't like going away from him at all but had to go to school so she made do with attaching herself to him after school and weekends until bedtime. She had sensed that she apparently had a calming effect on him when he was upset just like her being able to touch him calmed her down.

When it was time for bed Malcolm sat with Mary on her bed while Clara sat on Lulu's bed and read them a story. He started to nod off himself and Clara had to wake him. With her help he got off of Mary's bed without jostling her too much. He gave the girls a kiss on their foreheads when he tucked them in. He was very glad the girls bedroom was across the hall from their own on the second floor. He limped into the bedroom he shared with Clara and stripped to his boxers before sliding into bed on the right side of the bed.

Clara come into the bedroom to find Malcolm had switched sides with her. She would have to switch all the stuff in the night stands around later. She changed into a night gown and slipped in on Malcolm's left before curling up on his shoulder with a palm flat on his lower belly. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders and start tracing patterns on her arm. She said, "I love you."

Malcolm kissed the top of Clara's head and replied, "I love ye too, eudail.....Thank ye....for this. I......missed holding ye."

Clara replied, "You're welcome. I missed being held by you too." She felt his breathing even out as he fell asleep just a little while before she did.


	11. Christmas Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Linda is a bitch, Malcolm has a rough day

The day of the Christmas party at Clara's Malcolm was nervous as hell. It had been bad enough when he was "normal" and thought Clara's family wouldn't like him but now? Before he was just old. Now he's old, crippled, and his mind doesn't work right. Clara had helped him get dressed and ready but then had to go start cooking so here he sat in the living room with Mary on his lap and Lulu on the floor between his feet while they watch My Little Pony. The irony of it was that while it used to annoy him to watch this show.....now it was soothing because he didn't have to think or concentrate to understand it like he did everything else. That's about what he was left with....the knowledge and comprehension of a high functioning 5-10 year old depending on the day. At least now he could understand the girls better but it was still frustrating. He tried to read but it looks like today is a 5 year old day because he can't understand what he was trying to read. He was hoping for 10 today because he had to meet Clara's family but Malcolm fucking Tucker luck struck again.. 

Clara was so busy getting dinner ready that she didn't have time for anything else so he was very grateful when Malcolm took the girls and put on My Little Pony. After she had the turkey in the oven she checked on them and smiled at the sight of Malcolm sitting in the chair he usually sat in with Mary curled up on his lap and Lulu between his legs on the floor. She noticed he was wearing his glasses but was pretty sure he hadn't picked up another book since he threw the last one right before he started the DVD. So...either he forgot to take them off or she needed to make sure he got his eyes checked. She'd ask him about it later when she had the time. She hadn't given him haircut since he came home and his hair was now a fluffy curly mess but she really like him with his hair a bit longer. Military cuts just didn't do him justice although she did figure out why he had it short. He has a tendency to run his fingers through it in stress, frustration and nervousness. She had helped him get dressed in a gray suit minus the tie today instead of the normal sweat pants and tunic/polo or trousers and shirt under a tunic he had usually been wearing since he came home. 

Mary was very happy to be able to spend the whole day with her father for the first holiday since he got ill. She could feel his hand in her hair and whenever he coughed she gripped his shirt tighter until he stopped. He had always had a cough but it was a bit more frequent the last couple of days. She asked, "You sick, papa?"

Malcolm replied, "I have what they call a "smoker's cough" and it's because I've smoked since I was 16 years old but I think I may have caught yer sister's cold. Nothing ye should worry about besides if it gets bad yer mam will drag me ta a doctor." His head was a little stuffed up and he had a persistent cough but he knew if it got any worse Clara would drag him to the doctor anyway. It had started about 2 days ago with a sniffle and now he had a headache and cough. Mary had already had it right after her sister did so he was glad of that. The reason he got it was because of how much time Mary spent in his lap but he wasn't about to push her away because she was sick...even if it made him sick. She needed to be near him too much for him to push her away over a cold. He just wished the cold could have waited until after fucking Christmas dinner.

Around 2pm the doorbell rang and Clara was up to her neck in things she had to get out of the oven. She yelled, "Can one of you get the door please?"

Lulu jumped up and ran to the door and yelled, "Grandpa! Great Grandma! Linda." She never like her mum's stepmom because the woman really was rather mean. She ran into the living room and watched papa struggle to stand up with Mary's help.  
Malcolm had heard Lulu's excited notice that Clara relatives were there so with Mary's help he managed to stand leaning on his cane. When he saw them he took them in the best he could. The elderly woman he was guessing was Clara grandma and was seemed friendly. The short portly gentleman about his age must be her father and he seemed pleasant. The woman that was tall and thin was younger than Clara's father and had a sour look on her face. This unpleasant woman must be Clara's stepmother. He held out his free hand and said, "I'm Malcolm Tucker."

Dave Oswald took in the tall lanky man with a slightly rounded belly and lines on his face. He knew the man was older but not that he looked older than himself. He could see Mary in a protective stance next to the man. He decided that if his daughter was happy than he could get to know him. He took the offered hand and shook it. He replied, "Dave Oswald. Clara's father. So you are the illusive boyfriend that Clara's been with for 3 years. I honestly would have thought she made you up if you hadn't adopted the girls and...been on the news."

Malcolm shrugged, "Aye. That's me. I donnae know much o' my life from then but from what I got from Clara I used fucking work all the time."

Linda took in this man that her stepdaughter was with and had no idea what Clara saw in him. He was old, lanky, had a round pot belly, apparently had a slur when he spoke as if he was drunk, and was leaning heavily on a cane. Not to mention he was a "Scotsman" and she really hated Scots. She coldly said, "You're a Scotsman, aren't you?"

Malcolm looked over at the younger woman and replied, "Aye. I'm fucking Caledonian. I'm going ta take a guess ye donnae fucking like Scots but it's not yer fucking place ta tell Clara who ta fucking marry, now is it?"

Linda sneered, "You're not married. You just live in sin together."

Malcolm replied, "Again that is not any o' yer fucking business. If ye want ta start a fucking pissing contest I can make yer hair curl, lassie."

Linda sneered, "Oh? You going ta bully me like you did your coworkers? Or maybe you'll just leak something to the press that will destroy me?"

Malcolm replied, "I donnae have ta fucking do any o' that. I'll just make ye so fucking miserable ye'll want ta fucking leave."

Dave snapped, "Linda! We are guests in their home for Pete's sake!"

Linda huffed, "YOUR daughter could have done better but then once a slut always a slut."

Malcolm growled, "Ye better shut yer fucking gob. Clara is not a slut. Ye have no fucking right ta judge her! Ye are not her mam!"

Linda sneered, "Not a slut? She has 2 bastard children by a man who RAN off and she's sleeping with and knocked up by another man she isn't married to!"

Malcolm yelled, "These girls are not bastards anymore. They are MY girls and Aye she's carrying MY bairn! We are also ENGAGED ye stupid TWAT!" He suddenly felt very strange and fell to the ground as the world went black.

Mary felt her father crumble to the floor and start to jerk around. She was crying, "Papa! Mummy! Something's wrong with papa!"

Clara ran out into the living room and saw Malcolm convulsing. She sat on his legs and held his arms down as gently as she could to keep him from hurting himself while he was convulsing. When he stopped she eased off of him as he became alert again. She caressed his cheek to get his attention and asked, "You back with us?"

Malcolm looked at Clara and realized he was on the floor. He rasped, "Seizure?"

Clara replied, "Yeah. You think you can get up? I'll help you to your usual chair."

Malcolm rasped, "Aye. Sorry."

Clara replied, "You have nothing to be sorry about. We never know when they'll happen. There you go." Once he was safe in his chair Mary was immediately in his lap sobbing on his shirt.

Malcolm let Mary curl up and cry. He said, "It's all right, Mairi. Yer da's all right. Shh. This is normal for me now."

Mary cried, "What was it?"

Clara knelt in front of Mary and replied, "It's called a seizure, hunny. Your daddy's had them since he was ill. This is why he can't be left alone in the house."

Mary asked, "Can I help?"

Clara replied, "I'm not sure. I have to hold his arms and legs so that he doesn't hurt himself when he starts having one."

Mary replied, "Ok. I can try to do that."

Linda sneered, "Surely you could have gotten a healthier man that HIM."

Clara turned and replied, "You know what? Malcolm WAS healthy when I met him. Because of the trial and stress related to it he had a STROKE. He does have issues from it but I LOVE him. MY children love him. He is a wonderful father and loving man. You never liked anyone I brought home because you never liked ME. So either you shut up or you are more than welcome to leave, Linda. I will not have MY family belittled in MY home."

Malcolm sighed, "It's fine, eudail. She's just a fucking cunt that has ta bitch about every fucking thing."

Clara replied, "No, Malcolm. It's not. Linda has disliked me since she met me. This is OUR home and she should respect that."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. She should but she donnae care. THIS is why I didnae want ta meet yer family. I'm 60 fucking years old, crippled, and have more problems than I can follow. I am causing ye nothing but GRIEF, eudail. I should have fucking died. Then ye wouldnae have ta take care o' me now....." He got a resounding slap across the face. He brought a hand to his face and looked at the anger in Clara's eyes and suddenly remembered he loved it when she slapped him.

Clara soundly slapped him hard across the face and yelled, "DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN! I know you are angry and frustrated with everything that's wrong with you but I am glad you are still here. I LOVE you! I wouldn't be taking care of you if I didn't, you stupid old man!"

Malcolm whispered, "I'm sorry, eudail. I think I'm going to go lay down for a while." He coaxed Mary out of his lap and slowly limped to his office and laid down on the day bed. He was just so tired of struggling to try and be normal again. He was sobbing when he felt a small hand on his face. 

Mary followed her dad to his room and heard him sobbing. She got on the bed next to him and felt his cheeks and wiped the tears away. She asked, "You ok, papa?"

Malcolm whispered, "No. Not really. I'm fucking useless and miserable."

Mary asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

Malcolm curled an arm around her and pulled her into his chest. He replied, "God, no. Ye didn't do anything wrong. It's just me. I'm a fucking mess and I hate myself. I'm sorry I'm not strong for ye. I..."

Mary replied, "It's ok, papa. I love you. I don't care if you aren't strong and need to cry. I'm here."

Malcolm kissed her forehead and whispered, "Thanks, Mairi. Ye are a very special girl." He should be comforting her and her she was comforting him instead. She truly was a special little girl. She accepting him without qualms even though he's practically a blubbering idiot right now. She comforted and soothed him when he needed it. He didn't deserve to have such a selfless child as his own. He found himself nodding off and was glad she was there with him.

Clara turned on Linda and yelled, "How DARE you come to MY home and disrupt MY family because of your petty dislike of me. I only invited you for dad's sake. Malcolm does NOT need any bloody stress from YOU. Now you will either behave or you can leave." She left her father and Linda just standing there and went to check on the turkey. She saw her grandma playing with Lulu and was glad since Malcolm was obviously having a bad day all around. She checked on Malcolm and found Mary curled up right next to her dad caressing his face in a soothing gesture while he sobbed. They had a special bond that many wouldn't understand. She knew Mary would always be there when he needed her. She knew Linda was a bitch but she didn't realized she'd be an asshole to him.

Evelyn Oswald was keeping Lulu occupied while Clara's handsome man argued with Linda. She wasn't too fond of the woman either. She was playing dollies when the girl started looking around in confusion. She asked, "What is it, Lulu?"

Lulu suddenly noticed her dad and sister were missing. She asked, "Where's Pepper and Mary?"

Evelyn asked, "Who's Pepper?"

Lulu said, "Pepper....I want Pepper! Where is he? Mummy!"

Clara knelt in front of Lulu and replied, "Pepper's not feeling good, hunny. He went to take a nap."

Lulu asked, "He was sick. Is Mary with him?"

Clara replied, "Yes. She is."

Lulu replied, "Good. Not leave him alone."

Clara smiled and replied, "That's right. Especially not right after he's sick. Pepper is Lulu's nickname for Malcolm. She's called him that since she was 4 because of his gray hair.. She's not as close to him as Mary is but she does love and worry about him."

Evelyn replied, "Oh. I never would have guessed that. I thought it was a teddy bear or something."

Clara replied, "Nope. That's what she calls her daddy." She went back to cooking and was setting the table when she heard Malcolm coming down the hall.

Lulu jumped up and ran over to Malcolm. She wrapped her arms around his legs and yelled, "Pepper!"

Malcolm settled his free hand on Lulu's head and replied, "Hey, Lana."

Lulu asked, "You feel better?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. A little. I'm just tired now." He trudged over to the chair he usually sat in and had Mary in his lap almost instantly and Lulu between his legs again on the floor. He said, "Well. Mr. Oswald. I'm sorry about earlier. I'm not a fucking well man anymore."

Dave replied, "That's all right, Malcolm. Linda was in the wrong. This is your house and you family. She shouldn't be doing what she did. I'd apologize for her but it doesn't do much good."

Malcolm replied, "No offense ta ye but she is a fucking useless stuck up cunt. I seem ta not be able ta fucking stand people like her. Must have ta do with my past. Probably had to many fucking useless people like her in Downing Street."

Dave laughed, "None taken. I don't like how she treats Clara but I wish she could just be nice at Christmas. So how did you and Clara meet?"

Malcolm laughed, "I don't even know. When I had my stroke I lost most of my memories o' the last 20 years. I was lucky I knew Clara and the girls. I have bits and pieces here and there but not the whole puzzle. I know I adopted the girls 2 years ago when I moved in with Clara."

Clara said, "We met at a charity event for the school. You were ordered to come by the PM and I was the head of the event. I saw you sulking by the wall and drug you out on the dance floor."

Malcolm replied, "Ye said "shut up and dance with me" and told me I looked like an angry owl. I told ye.....that ye had fucking bollocks ta be bossing me around like that."

Clara smiled and replied, "Yeah. You LIKED it though. No use denying it. We danced together most of the night. A few days later you met the girls and the rest is history."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. Ye are rather sexy when ye are bossy. I was a goner the minute I met ye." He vaguely remembered thinking she was his destiny.

Dave asked, "You mentioned you are engaged? When did that happen?"

Clara showed her father the ring and replied, "He asked me last week. He's had this ring for 2 years but didn't have the bollocks to ask me to marry him."

Dave asked, "Have you picked a date yet?"

Clara replied, "No. It took Malcolm 2 years to propose. May take longer to get him to the altar. But now at least I can prove I'm off the market. I also know he's off the market too. Maybe my friends will stop trying to set me up with men."

Malcolm said, "I've been off the market since the day I met ye, eudail. I decided then I wanted ta spend the rest o' my life with ye if ye'd have me."

Clara kissed his lips and replied, "I'll always have you as well as want to spend whatever lifetime you can give me with you. I'm yours until the day you die."

Malcolm replied, "I am yers as well. You've owned my heart for a long time." Sometime later dinner was ready and they all sat around the table having dinner. He was having a hard time controlling his shaky hands but he managed to eat as long as he went slow. When everyone went back into the living room Clara came over and placed a purple Christmas hat on his head. He groaned, "Clara. Just because everything seems funny ta ye when ye wear these fucking things donnae mean it will ta me."

Clara laughed, "But you look so cute, my angry owl." She smiled when he just grumbled and gave up as Mary hopped in his lap with a Christmas cracker. She opened hers with Lulu and they all laughed at the jokes inside them. They exchanged gifts and then called it a night.

Dave shook Malcolm's hand and said, "Welcome to the Oswald family, old man. You do realize Clara will be wearing the pants right, Mr. Oswald?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. She already does. I've been trained and housebroken by the best. I wouldnae have it any other way."

Dave replied, "Good because Clara likes to be in control."

Malcolm chuckled, "I enjoy being controlled."

Dave chuckled, "You are perfect together then."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. We are that." He watched Clara's family leave and then plopped down in his chair again. When Clara came back into the room he sighed, "Yer da and gran are nice enough but yer stepmam is a fucking cunt."

Clara replied, "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't think she'd be like that with you."

Malcolm replied, "It's no' yer fault. Ye are going ta have ta read ta the girls tonight. My mind...."

Clara kissed his lips and replied, "It's all right. I understand. Come on girls time for bed." She got the girls in bed, read them a story and drug Malcolm back to their room where he promptly fell asleep with his head on her shoulder and a hand on her rounded belly where their baby was kicking. She had to smile at how fascinated he had been the first time the baby kicked and she placed his hand on her belly so he could feel it. Every now and then she's wake up to him kissing and cooing to the baby in her belly. Sometimes Malcolm could be so adorable and sweet. She was very glad he was happy about being a father again because she had been worried he might not because of the stroke. She eventually nodded off with a smile on her face.


	12. Christmas Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Day at the Tucker/Oswalds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very minor basic male anatomy lesson to blind almost 10 year old. Just curious stuff. Nothing sexual in nature at all.

When Malcolm woke up every morning since he got out of the hospital he had one girl on either side of him. Mary's head was on his left shoulder with a hand on his belly. Lulu was to his right but not touching him except for a hand on his own hand. He flipped his hand over and entwined their fingers. He only wore boxers to bed most of the time and it did take some getting used to having his girls sleeping with him after Clara had gotten up but now he'd be lost without them doing it. It was kind of therapeutic for him. He rasped, "Morning girls."

Mary lifted her head and kissed his cheek. She replied, "Morning, papa. You didn't forget it's Christmas Day did you?" 

Malcolm replied, "No. I didnae forget, Mairi."

Lulu piped up, "Morning, Pepper. You going to get up now?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Can ye go get yer mam for me?"

Lulu replied, "Ok, Pepper.

Mary asked, "Why can't I help you, papa?"

Malcolm sighed, "I...never thought ta ask ye. Ye can try if ye want. There are things ye won't be able ta help with only because ye are blind but ye may be able ta help me with some things. " He managed to pick out a pair of black sweat pants and his black holy tunic. He let Mary help him change into briefs and the back of her hand accidentally rubbed his penis and he saw the look of surprise on her face but she finished what she was doing and helped him with his pants, sock and loafers while he put on his tunic. 

Mary accidentally hit something soft and kind of round when she was helping him dress. When he didn't say anything she just continued but now she was curious. She asked, "Papa? What is the soft round thing I hit?"

Malcolm knew she's ask sooner or later so he gathered her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. He replied, "It's called a penis, Mairi. Ye'll learn everything about it when ye are old enough but for now...Men have them and it a very sensitive spot. That and the sack below it." He wasn't about to try to avoid answering because then she's think she had did something wrong.

Mary asked, "Did I hurt you?"

Malcolm replied, "No. Ye didn't. Just brushing against it or washing there won't do any damage. Ye could hurt me if ye punched, hit me, or kicked me there. Don't worry about it. It's my fault. I forgot ta tell ye about our physical differences."

Mary asked, "Are you mad at me?"

Malcolm replied, "No. Why would I be? It's very hard ta dress someone else when ye cannae see them. I'm actually impressed with how well ye did."

Mary asked, "Can I still help you?"

Malcolm replied, "If ye want ta still help me in the mornings as long as I'm awake and ye have the time...Aye ye can. Just promise me one thing. If ye cannae do something I want ye ta tell me, hhokay?" He had two small arms wrapped around his neck and kiss on his cheek. She nodded and agreed to tell him if she couldn't do something.

Clara came in to find Malcolm fully dressed and said, "Wow. You're dressed. That's good."

Mary proudly said, "I helped!"

Clara said, "You did? Good girl. You didn't annoy dad much I hope."

Malcolm replied, "No. She's a very good girl. She did very well. Only one minor unexpected mishap. I told her she could help me dress in the mornings if she wants as long as I'm up and she has the time."

Clara was always being surprised by how Malcolm loved and treated her girls like they were his own flesh and blood. So many men who take over raising another's children tend to be standoffish and have a limit to what they could accept. He completely allowed them to invade his personal space. He got used to them crawling into bed with him, literally crawling all over him and in his lap, Mary's need to touch his bare skin and always be close to him. After the first year they all lived together he got used to the constant surprises and just accepted them. Now it was like Malcolm had been a part of the girls lives since the beginning because he acts like he was there from the day they were born. As far as this family was concerned they were his daughters and always would be. You'd never know they weren't without a DNA test because of how he treats them, protects them, spoils them, and loves them just as if he had sired them himself. 

Malcolm sat on the toilet while Clara shaved him and Mary held his hand for the comfort it gave her. Then they all went downstairs and had breakfast before gather in the living room around the tree. He had to smile because both Mary and Lulu still wore the gold My Little Pony pendants he bought them 3 years ago. He had to buy them longer chains but they had him put the pendant right back on after the chains were switched. This year he hadn't been able to go shopping because of his stroke and therapy so he gave their mam his checkbook and told her to get whatever she knew they wanted him to get them. Money was no object to him with Clara or the girls. Because he had never been married or dated much he has a lot of money squirreled away. He was very glad he had added her to his checking account that day. He watched the girls tear into their presents and smiled. 

Mary found her mum and dad both gave her more dollies and ponies, CD's and papa gave her a big thick book. When she opened them she hopped in his lap and kissed him. She said, "Thank you, papa. I can read to you now!"

Malcolm was confused until she opened the book of fairy tales and he saw sequences of dots above all the words. He suddenly realized it was written both in English for the parent to read it but also in Braille so Mary could read it herself. He had told Clara to see if she could find one of those books but didn't know she found one. He replied, "Yer welcome. My old tired and scrambled brain would like the break." He kissed her temple before she hopped off his lap to go open more presents.

Lulu pretty much got the same as Mary only she got a giant regular book of fairy tales and some coloring books. She ran over and hopped in his lap and said, "Thank you, Pepper."

Malcolm kissed the girl's cheek and replied, "Yer welcome, Lana."

Clara handed Malcolm his gifts and said, "These 3 are from all of us. This one is from Mary and this one is from Lulu. I took then shopping and they really wanted to get you those. You may find it a bit....unconventional."

Malcolm opened the 3 from all of them first to find 3 canes. One was chrome blue with a silver derby handle, the next was cherry with a brass handle, and the third was a 3 piece traveling cane with black wood and a cherry handle. They all had a wide silver ring with his initials "MDT" on them near the handle. He had been using the cane issued to him at the hospital. He opened his mouth and closed it a couple times. He asked, "Why?"

Mary said, "So when you go out either with us or mummy you'll have nice canes to use. Not just the one you got from the hospital."

Lulu said, "There was a cool one with flames on it but mummy said ye might not be ready for that one yet."

Malcolm stammered, "I just though....."

Clara somehow knew what he was going to say. She sighed, "You thought we would be embarrassed of you now that you are "crippled" and wouldn't want to be seen with you?"

Malcolm sighed, "I...couldnae blame ye.....I can't even stand myself at times. I hate how fucked up my mind is now."

Clara knelt in front of him and replied, "We aren't ashamed of you. Never will be. We love you. Mary's blind and you're not ashamed of her are you?"

Malcolm replied, "No...I love her. It's more obvious what's fucked up about me."

Clara replied, "None of us would care if you were in a wheelchair. We are just happy you are still here even if you need a cane to walk. Besides the girls want to drag you out more. When school activities start you are going to be expected to be there if parents go. Now that you aren't working I'm afraid the girls won't accept no for an answer."

Malcolm stammered, "But I cannae drive anymore."

Clara sighed, "That's all right. I'll find a way to get you there. Don't worry about that. So do you like them?"

Malcolm stammered, "I....donnae what ta say.....They are beautiful.....Thank ye....This means a lot ta me. I...never had anyone.....and now I have the best family in the world." He got a kiss from all three of them and moved onto another present. This one was from Mary. He was surprised to tears when he opened it to find a solid silver 5X9 keepsake box with "To the most wonderful papa in the world. Thank you for being my daddy. Always Mairi Tucker 12/25/2014" engraved on the lid in cursive. He whispered, "Oh my beautiful Mairi. I'm speechless. Come." He let her hop in his lap and then wrapped his arms tightly around her and cried. He had never in in his wildest dreams thought he'd ever have a child let alone one that loves him unconditionally and with such devotion. She even used the Gaelic version of her name that he used to sign the box. She was the sweetest girl in the world and would do anything for him. Regardless of her sire she was HIS daughter and he would give her anything. He had decided that he would keep things he wanted her to have when he died in the box. He had a few things he had decided to give each girl. 

Mary said, "I'm sorry, papa. I didn't mean to make you unhappy."

Malcolm rasped, "Ye didn't. Ye just made me the happiest old man in the world. I'm just not used ta being so loved by anyone. I donnae fucking deserve it. I'm not even much of a father anymore. I'm not even able ta read much anymore without having ta fucking struggle and I'm a fucking crippled old man."

Mary said, "Yes you do. You're my daddy and my best friend in the whole world. You have always been good ta me even though I'm blind. You never picked on me or told me I wasn't allowed to try something just because I can't see. You treat me like I'm normal so why should I treat you any differently? Why wouldn't I love the one man in my life to accept me and love me with the disadvantage of not being able to see."

Malcolm whispered, "Oh, Mairi. For you being blind isn't a disadvantage. It's given ye a gift that few have including me." He let her get down and wiped his eyes with his sleeve before he opened Lulu's gift. He had to laugh because it had an angry looking gray owl on it that looked like him on a lacquered wooden box. It had "My Pepper Owl" painted neatly on the tree branch the owl sat on. Lulu was always the smart ass of the girls. He was almost always getting an owl from her ether it was a card, statue or now a box. He opened it to find a silver bar bracelet with "My real daddy, Lulu Tucker 12/25/14" engraved on the front of it with his name engraved on the back. He hugged her and said, "Thank ye, Lana. The bracelet is lovely and the box......is classic me. Can ye put it on for me?" He had her put it on his right hand and kissed her forehead.

Lulu replied, "You are an angry looking owl, Pepper."

Malcolm laughed, "I know, Lana. I know." He went out on the balcony for a cigarette with Mary wrapped around his legs until he went back inside because it was just to fucking cold out. He found it amusing that Clara's main living area was the second floor while their bedrooms were on the third because the first floor had been made into an apartment that her teacher friend Danny Pink lived in. He had felt threatened at first by the man because he was about Clara's age and had more social grace than he did. He heard a knock on the door when he got back in so he answered it to see none other than Danny. He said, "P.E.. What can we do for you on this shite cold morning?"

Danny had been very surprised when Malcolm Tucker had moved in with Clara. He never knew she preferred older men and the older man was rather socially impaired and impolite. He also took a long time to get used to being PE by Clara's boyfriend but gave up trying to get it through to the older man he was a math teacher. Danny replied, "Malcolm. Merry Christmas. May I speak with Clara and the girls?"

Malcolm shuffled back and made a motioning gesture and said, "Aye. I believe Clara and Lana are in the kitchen. Mairi is in the living room as will I be. Oh... A Merry fucking Christmas ta ye too."

After talking to Danny for a few minutes Clara came in and said, "Well Danny had bought us all a present." 

Malcolm replied, "Oh? He did, did he? Well that's nice o' him. Go ahead, Mairi. It's all right. P.E. donnae bite. That's my girl." He was being nice even though he felt his territory invaded by the fucking soldier. She got a slight satisfaction when she grabbed the present and ran back to his lap. He saw it was the newest My Little Pony music CD and said, "Oh. That was nice of him ta get you a new ponies CD. Maybe we can put it on in a bit eh? What do we say?"

Mairi shyly said, "Thank you, Mr. Pink."

Danny replied, "You're welcome, Mary."

Lulu opened her gift to find a new coloring book that she didn't have yet. She chirped, "Thank you, Mr. Pink."

Danny replied, "You're welcome, Lulu." He handed Clara her gift and smiled.

Clara opened the gift to find a new bottle of her favorite perfume. She said, "Thank you, Danny. I was getting low so this is great."

Danny replied, "You're very welcome, Clara." He handed a surprised Malcolm a wrapped present. He said, "I wasn't sure what to get you so Clara suggested this."

Malcolm opened the present to find a whole carton of his favorite cigarettes. He was stunned that PE had gotten him a present let alone one he liked. He stammered, "I....donnae know what ta say. Thank ye. I never expected a gift from ye at all. This is a surprise."

Danny replied, "Look. I know we don't always get on, Malcolm. Clara is my friend and you are her...lover so by default you are my friend as well. I have no desire to steal her away from you, old man. I have no desire to break up a happy family. I know she truly loves you and will never leave you. If you need anything you can give me a call. Just wanted you to know that I am your friend too."

Malcolm was stunned and he was sure it showed on his face. He finally replied, "Fair enough, PE. Thank ye for the offer. I'm....not the easiest man ta be friends with and I sometimes wonder what my family sees in me. I apologize for being a fucking jackass ta ye in the past. I honestly donnae know all I did ta ye. The stroke messed up my memory badly. Why donnae we try ta start from the beginning?"

Danny replied, "Sure. That's fine. I can tell you are a very territorial and jealous man. I just wanted you to know I'm not trying to......challenge your claim on Clara. I know you have....marked her as yours."

Malcolm replied, "Marked her? I'd fucking hope so! I asked her ta fucking marry me! Even put a fucking ring on her finger!"

Danny hadn't heard about it yet but Clara showed him the ring she wore and he realized she didn't have it before last week and she had been wearing every day since Monday. He replied, "Well. It's about time. Good for both of you. Congratulations!" He talked to them for a while longer and then went back to his apartment.

Malcolm went and put his carton of cigarettes away in his desk drawer in his office and laid down. He was very tired and always had to take a nap in the afternoon since the stroke. He had just gotten comfortable when he noticed Mary standing by the side of the bed. He said, "I just need ta take a nap, Mairi. Ye can go play with yer sister if ye want. Ye donnae have ta stay with me. I'll be back out later."

Mary replied, "I'd rather stay with you, papa."

Malcolm backed up on the bed and sighed, "Come on then. Ye should be acting like a kid not babysitting an old man."

Mary replied, "I like babysitting you."

Malcolm groaned, "If that what ye like ta do then I guess yer lucky. I have a feeling I'll need it more as I get older." He dreaded if the day came when he was unable to do anything to take care of himself. He was letting Mary do what she wanted to take care of him because she wanted too. He also felt comfortable with her helping him BECAUSE she is blind. Even though she had an idea what he looks like by touch she can't see everything by touch. She doesn't judge him or shrink away from him because of his perpetual slightly slack angry look.

Mary got comfortable curled up next to him and replied, "I enjoy taking care of you, papa. I'll always be here when you need me."

Malcolm sighed, "Ye'll need a life o' yer own someday. Ye'll fall in love and leave me but that's how life is supposed ta be. I'll miss ye but I'll accept it."

Mary cried, "No. I'm not going anywhere without you. I won't..I promise!"

Malcolm wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against his chest and replied, "All right. Shhh. I believe ye.."He kissed the top of her head and held her until she calmed down. He vaguely registered she had cried herself to sleep. He knew right now she meant what she said about staying by his side but he wasn't sure when she got old enough to date that she'd be able to keep that promise nor did he expect her too. He eventually closed his eyes and nodded off himself.

Clara started to make dinner a couple of hours after Malcolm went to lay down. She didn't worry that much about him because she knew Mary was with him. She had a feeling that Mary may not leave the nest until her dad dies. She never expected either of her girls to become that attached to Malcolm but in a way she was glad because Mary at least would be here to help her with him as he got older. Now that Mary had started helping him she knew in time she could let Mary help him shower, dress, and basically keep him company like she does all ready. She's still have to shave him and a few other things that a blind girl couldn't do but it would help her immensely. She knew Malcolm was comfortable with Mary always around him but he was uncomfortable with strangers. She had to go back to work soon but she is trying to figure out how to find someone to stay with him during the day but not subject him to having to let the aide doing what she has been doing. If her and Mary can get him ready for the day then the aide could sit with him and do some of the house keeping to take some of that work off of her list. She decided to start calling around the next day.

Later that night when they were laying in bed Malcolm said, "The boxes the girls gave me? I'm going ta use them ta keep things I want them ta have when I die. I want each girl ta get the box back that they gave me and whatever I have put in them will go ta that girl."

Clara replied, "All right, Malcolm. I think you should know that I doubt Mary will ever leave here as long as you are alive. She loves you more than anything in the world. You are her hero and always will be because you adopted them when you didn't have too. You took on the role of their daddy willingly and have treated them as if you had sired them. None of the boyfriends I had after they were born did that and Mary they treated like a retard because she was blind. You are the first man in her life to love her and treat her like a normal child. Now you are letting her take care of you."

Malcolm replied, "She's blind not fucking retarded. I trust her ta let me know if she cannae do something. I told her as much. She enjoys helping and taking care o' me for some reason. I....like it when she helps me. I actually prefer he ta help me if she wants ta because I donnae feel so self conscious because she cannae see me."

Clara replied, "That's all right. If you feel better when Mary helps you that doesn't bother me unless it's something that can get one or either of you hurt. Just let me know what she can't do because I'll need to continue doing it myself."

Malcolm kissed Clara's lips and replied, "Thank ye, Clara. I love ye, eudail."

Clara replied, "I know you do, Malcolm. I love you too. Now go to sleep."

Malcolm settled his head on her shoulder and a hand on her belly before he replied, "Aye, Boss."


	13. Nurse Rory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally find a nurse to stay with Malcolm during the day.

Clara had finally gotten Malcolm to agree to a private nurse to stay with him While she was at work. She had found out about private duty nurses and found that his insurance covered them since he has to have someone with him 24/7 because of his unpredictable seizures and current conditions. It took a lot of arguing. She sighed, "I have to go back to work or I'm going to lose my job. You can't be left alone while I'm working because of your seizures."

Malcolm groaned, "Why canae ye just quit? It isnae like we don't have enough money between what I have and the sale o' my house. Is it because ye donnae want ta take care o' me? If ye donnae want ta then you can always throw in a facility."

Clara groaned, "Bloody hell! No you are NOT going in one of those places EVER. No I just want to work and it will do us some go not to spend every minute with each other every day. I love you to death but I sometimes need to just get out of the house. Besides when the baby is born I can't be taking care of both of you at the same time."

Malcolm sighed, "Fine but only ONE nurse. I donnae want a bunch o' the traipsing around and having ta learn all their names. My mind is took fucked up. Besides I cannae handle getting used ta more than one. Also I have ta like the one we pick. They can cook, clean, or whatever else ye need done but bathing, dressing, shaving, and pills I will not let anyone but ye and Mairi help me."

Clara sighed, "All right. If you fall or hurt yourself I expect you to let the nurse help you but no I knew you wouldn't them to handle anything personal. I also know you can do things like going to the bathroom and brushing your teeth yourself." She called the agency and later that day a young man about 25 showed up on their door step. He was the 30th candidate for the position.

Rory Williams had recently finished his RN degree and decided to become a private duty nurse. He had been told t come to this address at 3pm to meet a new client that needs a nurse Monday-Friday 7am-4pm. They also mentioned that once in a while he would need to stay later as the primary caregiver is a school teacher that needs to stay later some days to meet the students parents. He was also told that he was a tough man to please. He knocked on the door and saw a petite pretty brunette answer. He said, "Hi. I'm Rory Williams. I'm from the nursing agency."

Clara smiled and held out her hand. She replied, "I'm Clara. Please come in. Did they tell you anything or do I need to?"

Rory replied, "Mostly just the hours you need me to stay with him." She led him into the living room where a middle aged man sitting in a chair and threw a book across the room with a curse. He was trying to assess the man. Behavioral issues? Short tempered? walks with a cane. Hands shake with the right shaking the worst

Clara said, "Malcolm? This is Rory Williams. Rory this is my fiancé Malcolm Tucker. He's had a stroke which has caused him to have unpredictable seizures. He needs a cane to walk and his hands shake because of nerve damage from the stroke. Mostly the stroke affected his mind. He can't always read or understand things. He's not mentally a child really but when he's confused it might be easier for him to understand something if you use simpler language. Speaking of language.....Malcolm tends to swear a lot. Especially when he gets frustrated or angry."

Malcolm said, "When I am fucking miserable and want ta be left alone I will tell ye ta fuck the fuck off. Donnae take it personally. Just fuck off until I feel like talking ta ye. Ye'll learn when ta fuck off and when I'll be all right with yer presence."

Clara said, "Yeah. He's a grumpy old owl usually. He's easily frustrated because of how the stroke affected him mind. He lost many memories, sometimes can't understand what he is trying to read, has a hard time communicating things because he draws a blank at words as simple as coffee. Don't try to calm him down if he gets angry. Just let him be if he tells you too. Sometimes he'll throw a book because he can't read it and swear like he did a few minutes ago. Other times he'll shout and swear before he breaks down sobbing. He can't control the outbursts and it makes him even more frustrated that he can't. If he does just check on him to make sure he's all right and let me know it happened when I get home. He hates showing weakness and the only one he'll let comfort him is our Mary. So don't worry about her because she's his safety blanket of a sort."

Rory asked, "What duties do you need from me?"

Clara replied, "Keep an eye on Malcolm. Don't invade his space or anything. Just check on him often throughout the day. If you don't find him in this room reading or watching TV then you'll either find him in the office down the hall taking a nap on the day bed, or on his computer. You will also find him out on the balcony just there having a cigarette from time to time during the day. Then there is the bathroom across the hall from his office. He is capable of using the bathroom and washing his hands without help. He will have the door closed but if he doesn't come out in 15 minutes he's used to someone knocking to check on him. Try knocking loudly up to 3 times and if he doesn't answer any of them peak in to make sure he's not having a seizure or fallen. He has on occasion fallen asleep on the toilet so if you knock loudly it should wake him up to respond. If Mary is around she may be with him or just walk right in and wake him up. He's used to her boldness where he's concerned."

Malcolm chuckled, "Aye. I didnae have a fucking choice. She's a very fucking bold wee lassie. Now I'd fucking miss it."

Rory asked, "Other duties?"

Clara replied, "Sorry. I'd like you to vacuum and dust twice a week, change ALL the beds on Fridays even his day bed. You'll have to cook meals for him. Breakfast is usually at 9am, lunch around noon or 1pm and dinner is around 5-6pm. Only days you'll need to worry about dinner is if I have after school meeting which I will try to let you know about as far in advance as possible. On those nights I usually let Malcolm order a pizza for him and the girls. It usually only happens 1-2 times a month. If you do cook something I'd really appreciate it if you made enough for all three of them. The girls get home around 3:30pm from School. If they are home sick or on vacation they will listen to Malcolm. Breakfast and lunch for them is usually cereal and macaroni and cheese. They will sometimes eat whatever papa eats if there is enough made for them. I usually make enough but I know your main concern is him. Sometimes he will try and take care of the girls depends on how well his day is going."

Rory replied, "Ok."

Clara said, "Laundry...I have 2 hampers. The one in our bedroom don't touch. They are clothe for either the dry cleaner or special care. The one in the bathroom I'd like you to wash 3 times a week at least because with me, him, two kids and one on the way it fills pretty quick. Also please make the beds in all the rooms if I haven't done so."

Rory replied, "Sure. Any bathing?"

Malcolm snapped, "Fuck no." He felt Clara perch on the arm of his chair and wrapped an arm around her waist to help balance her.

Clara sighed, "No. I will make sure he is bathed and shaved him every evening. He will not let anyone else bathe him. He will be dressed by time you get here in the morning even if he's sleeping in the day bed downstairs. He is able to putter around this floor but requires assistance when going up or down stairs which is why we added the day bed to the other room. It got to be too much for both of us to go upstairs for him to take a nap."

Rory replied, "All right. Anything else?"

Clara replied, "He has meds that I make sure he takes in the morning and evening. The only ones that you may need to remind him to take are his pain meds around midday. He can take them just fine and he knows where they are kept. He just sometimes forgets when his mind is .....giving him a hard time. Usually he'll remember when his leg starts throbbing but he sometimes forgets he took them. I have a sheet for him to initial whenever anyone gives him his pills. That seems to help keep from causing issues. It will take him a few minutes to sign it though because he is right handed. His right side was affected by the stroke."

Rory had noticed that Malcolm was letting Clara do all the talking and asked, "What types of things does he like to eat or drink?"

Clara replied, "For breakfast I usually make him eggs and toast. He knows he has to eat it all. Sometimes I'll make bacon or sausage with it. Lunch is usually just a cup of coffee and a sandwich. Sometimes he'll eat 2 if he's actually hungry but he knows he has to eat one or I will be all over him. Isn't that right, hunny?"

Malcolm smiled and replied, "Aye, eudail. Yer the boss. Donnae worry I'll be a good boy." He felt her fluff his hair and kiss the top of his head. He just preferred to let Clara do the talking because he didn't feel like making an ass out of himself trying to answer questions.

Clara said, "Malcolm used to be a skinny stick because he really isn't that much of an eater. He would go days without eating when he was working and when he moved in here I made sure he ate properly 3 times a day. He LOVES sweets and I always make sure there is something here for him to munch on if he wants too. I always label them with his name so the girls don't run off with them. He's gained a bit of weight and looks healthier. He now even has a little round pot belly that I love." She lightly poked him in the belly and got a ppphhhttt in return. She just loved to tease and banter with him.

Malcolm used to be bothered by his little round pot belly but he eventually just to ignore it most of the time. He only saw it when he was naked or in a suit anyway. Everything else he wore was lose fitting. He did have to admit he did look healthier with the added weight and he wasn't exactly fat anyway. Just "pleasantly plump" as Clara likes to put it at times. He had just been so used to being thin as a rail it took a while to get used to being softer and rounder in the middle. He was relieved to not have to be a stick anymore and happy that he didn't have a mate that wanted him skinny. Clara liked him a little heavier set and he had an awful sweet tooth. He always knew this and stayed away from sweets most of the time but Clara found out and always makes cakes, pies, or something for dinner. She also makes pudding, cookies, and soufflés to divide them up in separate containers for snacks for him during the day. Clara knows that even if he eats regular meals he still gets the munchies for something sweet a couple times a day. He had never been so cared about or well taken care of in his life even by his mum. Clara and the girls were the best thing that ever happened to him.

Clara asked, "Can you do everything I've asked? Also if he falls or has a seizure make sure he's all right and we have a note book that we write it in. What happened and if he hurt anything. He's fairly easy during the day and is encouraged to try and do most things himself but if he asks you for something he usually isn't feeling good enough to get it himself. He won't ask until he feels he has too. Took me forever to get him to even ask me for help. If you see him struggling with something you can offer to help him and he might let you. He's very stubborn and proud. He's a stubborn Scotsman. You'll get used to it the longer you are here."

Rory replied, "Yeah. I think I can manage. If I have any questions do you have a number I can reach you at?"

Clara replied, "Yeah. When you start I'll give you my cell number. You can text me if you need me. If it's an emergency just type Call ASAP and I'll call you back as soon as I can. I'll have to take your number as well so I know who's texting me."

Rory replied, "No problem."

Malcolm said, "One more fucking thing. If ye move the fucking furniture for any reason make sure ye put it the fuck back exactly where it was. My Mairi is blind and knows the layout o' the house as it is and donnae need ta be tripping and falling because some fucking cunt didn't put the fucking furniture back where it fucking belongs."

Rory replied, "No problem. I'll make sure to put it back."

Malcolm replied, "Good. Ye'll go far long as ye fucking do as ye are told."

Rory replied, "Thank you. Mr. Tucker."

Malcolm scoffed, "Ppphhttt. Ye can fucking call me Malcolm, laddie. Now fuck the fuck off."

Clara led Rory out of the living room and to the door. She said, "You can start Monday morning. Don't be put off by Malcolm's gruff nature. He's that way with everyone except me and the girls. Beside he likes you."

Rory asked, "How can you possibly tell?"

Clara laughed, "He told you to call him Malcolm. If he didn't like you he wouldn't have stopped you from calling Mr. Tucker. Also he let you stay so long. If he doesn't like someone you wouldn't even be coming back."

Rory replied, "Oh. All right. Guess I'll see you on Monday then, Mrs. Tucker."

Clara laughed, "Just call me Clara, Rory. I'm not Mrs. Tucker yet. Well not by name. I love that cranky old man more than anything. I just want you to understand I want him to be taken good care of when I am not able to do it myself. I also want him to be respected and treated with love and kindness. He's having a hard enough time accepting what's happened and he doesn't need to be put down or treated badly because he's not as smart or able to understand things as well as he used too."

Rory smiled and replied, "I understand."

Clara smiled and replied, "Good. See you Monday then." When Clara went back inside she found Malcolm on the balcony sitting in a chair smoking a cigarette. She said, "Hey. You ok?"

Malcolm replied, "Yup."

Clara asked, "Do you want me get you a drink or something before I start dinner?"

Malcolm replied, "Nah. I'll be in a bit."

Clara replied, "All right."

Malcolm waiting until she made it to the door and replied, "He's a decent lad. I think he may actually fucking care about the people he takes care o' in his job."

Clara teased, "So you liked him then?"

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. I did."

Clara replied, "Good. He starts on Monday morning."

Malcolm chuckled, "Yer the boss." This lad was the only one he had liked at all out of the many that had interviewed with them. He noticed the lad was soft spoken, timid and polite. He also seemed honest and trustworthy. He would be all over the lad if he ever stole anything from them. He may be crippled but he was still imposing and frightening. Besides he was about 3 inches taller than the lad was and way meaner. He finished his second cigarette and went back inside.


	14. Suicidal Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm's very depressed...

It had been 3 months since Malcolm had the stroke and he was starting to accept he would never be the same again. He still hated himself but he was tired of fighting what was never going to change. He had gotten used to having Rory around the last month and he did actually like the lad. The lad would bring him things that he had cooked at home to try and he had to admit Rory was a good cook as well. He was even starting to talk to Rory when he was lonely. He looked up at the gentle touch on his shoulder and said, "Thank ye, Rory." He took the cup of coffee and set it on the table next to him after taking a sip. He watched the lad busy himself doing the house keeping and tried to read a book but wound up just throwing it in frustration with a loud, "Fuck!"

Rory was vacuuming and saw a hard cover novel fly past his head and heard a loud curse. He turned off the vacuum and picked up the book to place it back on the table next to Malcolm's chair like he always did when the older man got like this. He asked, "You all right, Malcolm?"

Malcolm looked up into the worried face of his nurse and sighed, "No. I cannae fucking read or understand books anymore. My..fucking mind jumbles everything up. The words donnae make no fucking sense anymore. I can barely stumble through a child's book for my bairns. I can barely remember how ta spell my own fucking name. I'm a fucking head case! I'm fucking retarded! Sorry. It's not yer problem."

Rory sat in the chair opposite of Malcolm and replied, "It's all right. Sometimes it helps to talk about things that are bothering you. I'm a good listener if you want to talk. Even if you want to rant and rave."

Malcolm sighed, "I'm sorry...Since the stroke I've not been able ta control my temper. I'm like a fucking 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum. I cannae help it. I just get so...fucking frustrated with what I AM now that I flip out."

Rory replied, "It's fine. I knew I was dealing with that when I agreed to be your nurse. I'm just saying you can talk to me about what's bothering you if you want."

Malcolm replied, "I'm 60 fucking years old and feel like I'm a 5 year old that can barely read. Clara and the girls really deserve better than me. Clara does everything she can for me and I can't even help her make dinner for fucks sake! I cannae even help my youngest with her homework because my fucking mind jumbles every fucking thing up! I'm fucking useless......a fucking balaclava!"

Rory replied, "You aren't useless. You can still do some things for yourself. There are stroke victims that are worse off than you are. Considering you are physically pretty self sufficient."

Malcolm scoffed, "And yet I need a fucking babysitter because I could fucking drop with a fucking seizure at any time. May even fucking kill me! Maybe it should. I wouldnae be a fucking burden ta my family anymore."

Rory replied, "You know they don't want that. They love you and want to take care of you the best they possibly can."

Malcolm sighed, "Doesnae mean they wouldn't be better off if I was dead. I should have died from that stroke. All that's happened by me surviving it is causing more worry and work for them .I've caused them nothing but fucking trouble since the day they fucking met me! I'm the one that should be taking care o' them! Not the other way around!" He was seriously depressed again.

Rory had never seen Malcolm like this yet. He got the impression the man was borderline suicidal but rarely showed it. The older man truly hated himself for living instead of dying. He asked, "You're not going to try and..."

Malcolm whimpered, "No. I cannae do that ta them. Even though I don't want ta be here anymore. I'm only here because I love them too much ta put them through killing myself. It would hurt Clara and Lana but it would....devastate Mairi. She be fucking heartbroken over my death. She'd blame herself because she's daddy's girl and think she should have loved me more or some fucking bullshite."

Rory replied, "Have you told your doctor how you feel?"

Malcolm whimpered, "Aye. I'm on fucking drugs for it!"

Rory replied, "Maybe he needs to change the dose or give you another one. Have you told Clara or the girls?"

Malcolm growled, "Fuck no. Ye will not tell them either. They have enough on their fucking minds worrying about me all ready. Ye say one fucking word and ye wonnae have a fucking job. Do you understand?"

Rory sighed, "Yeah. I understand. I still think you should tell Clara and see if your doctor can give you something else that might actually help."

Malcolm had reached his limit and replied, "Noted. Now fuck the fuck off." So he sat alone most of the afternoon brooding because he didn't want to talk anymore. He may be suicidal but wouldn't be able to kill himself as long as he had Mary. He loved his whole family but Mary....he needed her and she needed him unlike Clara and Lulu. Clara and Lulu had each other to pull through but Mary....She had her mam but it wasn't the same. He knew she adored and hero worshipped him. He didn't understand why but they have a common bond that goes deeper than they have with anyone else. They both are disabled and he knows that's one thing that drew them closer. He was crippled and old while she was young and blind. They were each other's addiction. They had been close before but after his stroke it solidified into a kind of codependency. He needed her to want to live. She needed him to love her and make her feel accepted. She felt normal with him because he let her help him and take care of him without making an issue out of her blindness. He needed her help and she needed to help him. Neither of them wanted to live without the other in their lives. It may not be a healthy relationship but he had a reason to keep living so he didn't really care. It gave him a reason and the strength to keep struggling and fighting himself. He wasn't even aware of the time until Mary hoped in his lap. He wrapped and arm around her and said, "How was yer day, Mairi?"

Mary replied, "Ok. Are you ok, papa?"

Malcolm hated how perceptive she was at times and sighed, "Aye. Papa's just tired and grumpy, love. My mind......not a good day."

Mary replied, "Maybe you should lay down for a bit?"

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. Maybe I should." Before he knew it she was pulling him up and leading him to his office, gently pushing him on the bed and getting him to lay down after taking his shoes off. She watched her throw off her shoes and hop on the bed next to him. She had a cute My little Pony shirt on and a pair of pink leggings that matched. She was a very skinny girl and had long legs. He knew when she grew up she would be beautiful because she was now. She was almost 10 years old and was tall enough to wrap her arms around his middle with her head resting on top of his belly if he was standing. She had long flowing brown hair that was usually braided and went down to her waist.

Mary crawled over next to her father careful not to jostle him too much and laid down on his shoulder when he pulled her closer. She had felt something off about him when she came home. He seemed much more glum than usual and that worried her. She settled her head a bit further in so she could hear his heart beating and her hand under his jumper against his warm skin. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders and asked, "What's the matter, papa? You are more sad than usual. I can sense it."

Malcolm sighed, "I'm just more fucking depressed than usual. Just been one o' those fucking days."

Mary whispered, "You want to die. You wish you had. You want to kill yourself."

Malcolm asked, "What? How?" He sometimes really hated how smart Mary was now. How perceptive to his moods and emotions.

Mary whispered, "I've heard ye tell mummy you wish you had died when you are like this. I'm not wrong, am I? Please don't lie to me..."

Malcolm whispered, "No. Yer not wrong, love."

Mary sobbed, "I love you. Please don't do it, papa. Please....I need you..."

Malcolm whispered, "I know ye do. Ye are the main reason I am still here. I wouldnae hurt ye like that. I....never planned on the bond we have but I know I cannae leave ye if I have a choice. I have ta live for ye no matter how much I donnae want ta be here. Ye are the light of my life, Mairi."

Mary sobbed, "Promise you won't ever leave me...Please."

Malcolm replied, "I cannae promise that. I'm 60 years old. I may live 10-20 more years but sooner or later something will kill me. I can promise I will not leave ye by my own hand. I will not kill myself as long as I have ye in my life, love. Donnae plan on dying on me. Got it?"

Mary hiccupped, "Yeah, papa. Bit like a pact? Neither of us can die on the other?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Not unless there is no choice. This is just between ye and me. Hhokay?" He would keep his word to her even if he couldn't stand being alive anymore. He wanted her to be able to say one day "Malcolm Tucker may have been a fucking cunt but he was a devoted da who loved me" and for her to be proud to say he was her da.

Mary whispered, "Ok." She somehow knew he'd keep his word because he loved her. She knew he thought he was an embarrassment but she was proud to have him as her dad. She heard what people said about him and she always stood up for him and told them he was a good daddy. She felt his breathing deepen as he fell asleep so she closed her eyes and tried to stop thinking.


	15. Death and Kinky Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have a set back and later rekindle their love life.

Malcolm really hated when life proved to be a big fat egg of solid fuck. He was at home with the girls when he got a call from Clara's school informing him that Clara had been rushed to the hospital. He had to ask Rory to take him and the girls there. When he walked in Clara's room he knew what happened without even asking. She had lost the bairn at almost 8 months. He sat next to her and asked, "How?"

Clara whispered, "The kids were playing football and the ball hit me hard in the stomach. I felt pain, my water broke and then I was bleeding. They didn't mean to hit me. He was still born. The force and angle of the blow broke his neck and he died instantly inducing labor shortly after. If it hadn't broken his neck he would have survived. I'm so sorry."

Malcolm whispered, "It's not your fault. It was a terrible unfortunate accident. We still got the girls. That's what really matters. I donnae need ta be chasing a baby around anyway. I'm just to fucking old and crippled."

Clara cried, "We should give him a name and proper burial, Malcolm."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. We should. I just cannae...not now." He couldn't deal with picking a name right now. He was still in too much of a shock. Fucking Tucker luck struck again. A few days later Collum David Tucker was buried in one of the Oswald family plots with his gran. Clara had told him that he and the girls would be buried with her family as well when he died which in a strange way comforting. At least he knew where he'd be planted someday and that he'd be with his daughters and son as well as Clara.

Clara felt awful because she lost Malcolm's only genetic child. They doctors had cleared him to be able to have sex again about 2 months ago but she knew he wasn't interested in it because no matter how hard she tried he didn't even notice. She wondered if it was because she was fat looking because of their baby but every night he would kiss her belly a few times and place a hand on it when he felt the baby kick. One night when they were alone in their room she asked, "Malcolm? Why wouldn't you make love to me? Was it because I wasn't skinny while I was carrying Collum?"

Malcolm sharply looked at her and replied, "No. I thought ye were as beautiful carrying our bairn as ye are now. It's not ye, eudail. Ye were and are still as desirable as ever. It's.....me. I cannae .....get it up. My body isnae responding no matter how much I may love and desire ye. I'm sorry. Now I'm a lousy lover."

Clara wrapped her arms around him and replied, "No. It's all right. I was just afraid you didn't find me attractive or something. I thought I looked fat pregnant. I just wasn't sure you didn't as well."

Malcolm kissed her forehead and replied, "God no. I think ye are your most beautiful when you are with child. Ye were fucking glowing and so fucking happy. If the shite in our lives hadn't happened I would have been pounding ye in ta the fucking mattress right up until ye delivered if ye could fucking stand it. I....have a thing for pregnant women.....Especially ye because ye are mine. It's a.....kind o' fetish I guess but.....the more your belly grew from our child the more I.....wanted ta fuck ye. My fucking dick just wouldn't wake up ta act on it."

Clara said, "So pregnant women make you more horny than usual?"

Malcolm blushed and replied, "Aye."

Clara laughed, "It's amazing you never married. You could have been able to have a pregnant wife at least a couple of times."

Malcolm sighed, "I was a workaholic. It's a wonder I even fucking had time ta get you with child."

Clara replied, "It probably had to do with the fact that I seduced you every night. Oh and the lack of condoms after we knew we were staying together probably helped a bit."

Malcolm asked, "Weren't ye on birth control?"

Clara hesitantly replied, "Umm yeah but I missed a couple of days when everything went to hell and by time I remembered about it we hadn't been together for 2 months so I hadn't taken them since the last time we were intimate and I was carrying your child. I didn't plan to get pregnant if that's what you are asking."

Malcolm sighed, "Doesnae matter. I just wish things turned out differently. I'm sorry things hav been so fucking hard for ye. Ye deserve better than a fucking 60 year old, crippled, retard with a fucking catastrophic erectile dysfunction." And there was that hard slap to the face.

Clara yelled, "How many times have I told you NOT to berate yourself?"

Malcolm yelled, "But it's fucking true, innit? I cannae barely fucking read, can't fucking get a fucking hard on, can't fucking bath or dress myself. I'm no use in or out o' fucking bed! I'm fucking useless! A fucking balaclava!" Yet again another slap even harder this time. He was glad the bed was behind him because he lost his balance and fell backwards on to it with that smack. For such a tiny woman his Clara could knock him around. His cheek really burned from that one and he was glad. He felt his dick react to Clara's aggression and the wheels in his head started turning. He felt better when she hit him and he suddenly remembered, "Ye used ta punish and beat me because I NEED it to get an erection. Jesus Christ. Ye could have fucking told me. No wonder I canae fucking get it up."

Clara yelled, "I didn't want you to know. You are in enough pain! I thought maybe if you'd forgotten you wouldn't need it."

Malcolm sighed, "Clara, My body craves punishment. Forgetting it in my head only gave me fucking frustration because I couldnae figure out why no matter what I fucking did I couldn't get hard. Now I know it's because I need to be hit, slapped and force ta submit ta yer will. Ye were my mistress weren't ye?"

Clara sighed, "Yes. I was your mistress and you were the submissive."

Malcolm whispered, "If ye still want me.....I need my mistress back, eudail. Please....punish me....control me......give me orders, mistress....Please....." He was on his knees with his face on Clara's stomach and his hand grasping her small hips. He was literally begging her because he needed her to be his mistress again if she wanted a sex life.

Clara really had hoped he was in enough pain that he didn't want her to give him more. It's not that she didn't enjoy some of the things they did together. She just didn't want to cause him more pain now. She knew he was right though. He never could get it up before the stroke without her slapping him around and giving him orders so why should it be any different now. She ran her fingers through his thick curly hair and pulled his head back to meet his eyes. She said, "You want me to punish you? Fine. Let's get you undressed then I'll punish you." She let go of the death grip[ on his hair.

Malcolm kissed Clara's stomach and said, "Thank ye, mistress." He managed to get back on the bed and undressed with Clara's help before waiting for his punishment. When she told him to scoot up the bed he did as ordered. He was relieved he was half hard because this was what he needed after all. He watched Clara go into a box and come back with a cock ring which she locked around his half hard dick. Then she smacked his good side to get him to roll. He felt her slick fingers inside stretching him before she replace them with a rather large butt plug that rubbed his prostate every time he moved. Then he felt her slap his ass with her hand hard which shifted the plug each time she hit him. It was exquisite fucking torture to have the pain and burning on his ass cheeks and the erotic rubbing of the butt plug against his prostate at the same time added with Clara occasionally yanking painfully on his bollocks. He yelped, "Jesus Christ!"

Clara said, "You like that? Good. Your punishment is pleasing me over and over again while being brought to the edge yourself but not being able to come until I decide you can. Do you understand?" She slapped his ass hard to punctuate every word.   
Malcolm moaned, "Aye. Mistress." She can be a demanding little she-devil if and when she wants to be. He knew she was pushing him until he was ready to come but can't because of the cock ring. Being unable to come was very painful but he enjoyed it because it was Clara who had to allow him to come. He rolled back over when she coaxed him and realized she was completely naked and ready for him. He waited until she gave him his next order.

Clara spread her legs wide and said, "You can use your tongue, fingers, or both. I'm not getting any younger."

Malcolm sucked on her pulse point while he slid two fingers inside her very wet center and rubbed her clit with his thumb. He changed his pace as she gave him orders of faster, harder or slower. He'd make her come, ease of a bit then make her come again. He did it about 6 times before she ordered him on his back and mounted his rock hard erection. She never did play fair if he remembered right but that's why being punished by her was worth it. She rode him until it hurt with the need to come. He begged, "Please, mistress....Let me come...."

Clara back off of Malcolm's cock and released the cock ring before slipping him back inside of her. She rode him fast and said, "You can come now, Malcolm." She managed to climax a few seconds before he did.

Malcolm gasped, "Thank ye, mistress." Shortly after he came sobbing Clara's name over and over and felt Clara wrapping herself around him while he cried. He held her face in his hands and kissed her all over her face sobbing endearments as he did so. He whispered, " Donnae pull away from me like that again. I missed ye so much, my Clara.."

Clara hadn't expected Malcolm to break down sobbing but she held him and let him do whatever he had to do which apparently was worship and kiss every inch of her face. She kissed his lips and replied, "I'm sorry. I wasn't pulling away. Least I didn't mean too. I never realized how much me being your mistress meant to you."

Malcolm whispered, "It means everything. Ye own my heart and my body. With me ye have ta control both for sex ta work with me."

Clara kissed him and wiped his tears away. She replied, "I understand that now. I didn't realize it was that important. I thought it was just a kink. Not that it was vital to us having a sex life."

Malcolm moved so she could curl up on his left shoulder and replied, "It's fine. I love ye anyway, eudail. Even if at times you have pudding for brains. Ow." She firmly slapped his soft round belly in retribution and then kissed where she slapped him. After some time she felt him nod off to sleep and smiled as she followed.


	16. Lulu's Football Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Football here is the English one. I believe it's called Soccer for us. lol

A few days late Clara drug Malcolm out of the house to Lulu's football game. She parked him in the bottom row of the bleachers in the field next to Mary. She then went back to the car to get the bag of snacks and drinks she brought with them and sat on Malcolm's other side. She was aware that no one had met Malcolm before but didn't really care. She knew he wasn't a big sports fan but came for his little girl. Two hours into it she could tell he was really fighting the urge for a cigarette and the only thing keeping him from doing it was that he was trying not to be rude. She had to smile at that because she knew he really didn't care about whether he was rude or not just that he didn't want to embarrass her and the girls. They were the only reason he remembers his manners.

Malcolm hated sports but he knew Lulu would be upset if he didn't show up to her games since she had been reminding him for weeks that they were starting. He loved his daughters and even would endure something he hated for them. By the second hour he really needed a cigarette but he knew it'd be rude with how packed the bleachers were today. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration. He was never so glad when the kids got a half time break. He said, "I need a cigarette, Clara. Tell Lana I'll be back in a bit."

Clara said, "Take Mary with you. She'll just worry anyway."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. She would. Come along, love." He took Mary's hand and slowly made his way to a place far enough from people that he wouldn't bother anyone. While he had his cigarette Mary was wrapped around his waist with her head resting on his belly. In a way Mary's blindness was a disadvantage for him because he couldn't leave her anywhere to be alone because she CAN'T see him. He couldn't just stay in her line of sight so she was attached at his hip. He didn't mind really anymore because he did truly and finally feel loved by someone. He knew Clara and Lulu loved him but Mary's was complete adoration and devotion. He didn't deserve it but he wasn't about to push away the best thing to happen to him in his life. He placed his shaky right hand on her head after he lit the cigarette. 

Mary was listening to her father's breathing and stomach gurgling where he head was against his belly. She usually could hear the gurgling but the slight wheeze in his breathing was not normally there. She asked, "Papa? You ok?"

Malcolm replied, "I'm fine, Mairi. Why?"

Mary whispered, "You're wheezing. I can hear it when you breathe."

Malcolm replied, "Oh. I didn't know that. I donnae feel ill."

Mary clutched his shirt tighter and whispered, "I love you. I......worry about your health, papa."

Malcolm took a last drag on the cigarette and replied, "I know, love. I know. I love ye too. We should probably get back. Yer sister and mam will wonder where we are."

Mary whispered, "When you had the.......stroke. I was so......terrified I was going to lose my ......daddy. I had nightmares about you.....dying all the time you were in the hospital. I don't want to lose you...." By this time she crying and she just couldn't stop.  
Malcolm wrapped his arms around Mary and kissed the top of her head. He said, "It's all right. I'm sorry ye were hurt so much by me having a stroke. I never knew how fucking attached ye truly were ta me until it happened. I'm not going ta die yet. Ye have ta understand something, love. I am 60 fucking years old. That means I'm twice yer mam's age. I should be yer fucking grandda not yer da but I woulnae trade being yer da for anything. Somewhere along the line ye really became MY little girl and that won't fucking change until the day I am pushing up fucking daisies. I know I will die long before yer mam but I'm trying ta stick around as long as I can. I will ALWAYS love ye and be there for ye for as long as I can be, Mairi. I'm here for yer sister too but she has bonded more with her mam. For some reason ye have bonded with me and I'm honored that ye love me that much. I donnae fucking understand why because I donnae fucking deserve it. Ye are my special little girl and I'm not going ta die without a fight not as long as ye need me, hhokay?"

Mary whispered, "Ok, papa." She felt him hug her before leading her back to the noise of the game. She sat close to his side and put her head against his shoulder and clutched his shirt on the curve of his belly. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders. She couldn't understand why he didn't think he was worth being loved. She thought he was the wonderful man in the world because he was HER daddy.

Malcolm never realized that Mary loved him that deeply before he had the stroke. He knew both girls loved him but he didn't know that his stroke was the catalyst that pushed Mary admitting her devotion to him. He had thought she was just worried about him more than Lulu and that he thought was what made them bond. Now he knew that it had always been there and the stroke just pushed them to a tighter bond. If he hadn't had that stroke he might never have known HOW MUCH Mary actually loved him. He doesn't think he deserves her devotion because he wasn't anything but a crippled old corrupt ex-politician. He still didn't remember anything from Downing Street but Clara told him about the trial and that he had admitted to her he had done what they accused him of doing. He couldn't believe it when she told him she lied on the stand to protect him. Mary gave him her devotion freely without conditions. The only thing she wanted was for him to live as long as possible. 

Clara could tell from Mary's puffy eyes and the way she was clinging to Malcolm that the girl had been crying. She had been very surprised at how terrified Mary had been of losing the man she now called daddy. The girl adored him and she had been glad that Malcolm had allowed and cultivated the bond they now had because if he had rejected her devotion.....It would have broken Mary's heart. Mary had nightmares about him dying until he came home from the hospital and still had them sometimes. She had never told Malcolm about them because he didn't need anything else on his head. She had a feeling from the way he was glancing at her that Mary may have told him. She wondered what had triggered Mary's reaction. She watch Malcolm hug and kiss Lulu before she went back out to the field. 

Lulu asked, "Pepper? Why is Mary crying? Are you sick?"

Malcolm replied, "No. I'm fine. She's just sad and worried about me, Lana."

Lulu replied, "She always worries about you because she adores you."

Malcolm replied, "I know, Lana. She'll be all right in a bit."

Lulu replied, "I love you too, Pepper."

Malcolm smiled and replied, "I know ye do. Now go kick their fucking arses, hhokay?" His bad leg was starting to throb and he looked up as Clara handed him his pain meds and a cup of coffee. He sheepishly smiled in thanks and took the pills before munching on two cookies she handed him. He shared a third and fourth with Mary. Two hours later he congratulated Lulu on her team winning the game. He was sitting on the bleachers with the girls while Clara packed the things they brought with them when a little girl who had been on Lulu's team came over.

Mandy Jones saw Lulu sitting with her sister and an ol man that she assumed was her granddad. She held out her hand to the old man and said, "I'm Mandy Jones. Are you Lulu's grandpa?"

Mary growled, "He's our daddy."

Malcolm squeezed her shoulders and said, "It's all right, Mairi. It was an honest mistake. I am old enough."

Mandy was shocked and stammered, "Really? He's your dad?"

Lulu replied, "Yeah. He is our dad. He's the man that adopted us when he moved in with mummy and us. He's also the man raising us."

Mandy replied, "I'm sorry. I just assumed because you look about the same age as my grandpa."

Malcolm replied, "It's fine. I expect people ta assume I'm their grandda."

Mandy replied, "Again sorry but I got to go. Talk to you later, Lulu!"

Mary said, "They shouldn't assume you not out daddy."

Malcolm sighed, "What ye want me ta fucking do, love? Wear a fucking badge that says "I'm the girls da ye fucking cunts" on it?" He smiled when both girls starting laughing hysterically at the thought of him wearing a badge like that because he would too except Clara would fucking neuter him for it. He saw a young woman coming over to them and sighed at the look on her face because he had the feeling she knew who is.

Joanne Hall saw Lulu sitting next to a middle aged man and her sister what was clinging to said man. When he lifted his head she realized it was Malcolm Tucker. She wanted to know what the hell he was doing here and what he was up to with the Oswald girls. She coldly said, "Why you girls go find your mum? You shouldn't be hanging around strangers. Especially the likes of him."

Mary yelled, "Don't you dare say anything mean about him! He's..."

Malcolm gently put a finger to her lips and said, "It's all right, Mairi. Why donnae ye and Lana go get yer man ta clear this up, hhokay?"

Mairi replied, "Lulu can go. I'm staying with you, papa."

Malcolm replied, "Ye might not like what this young lady has ta say ta me or what I have ta say ta her, love."

Mairi replied, "I don't care. I'm not leaving you."

Joanna said, "There should be a law against PEOPLE like you being around children. What did you do to these kids ta get them by you?"

Malcolm coldly replied, "Oh I donnae know...Maybe it has something ta do with the FACT that I fucking LIVE with their mam and them? Or maybe the FACT that I fucking ADOPTED them ye stupid cunt! Maybe ye didn't notice that they carry the name o' Tucker and NOT Oswald ye fucking hoity toity bitch. Therefore they are in fact MY daughters! I have every right ta be around them. My sin was being a politician NOT a pedophile!"

Joanne sneered, "OH really? How do I know you aren't abusing these girls?"

Clara came into the middle of a heated argue and yelled, "Because he doesn't! He loves my girls with every fiber of his being. Just because he was portrayed as a vindictive politician doesn't mean he is a bad father! He has been a very good father to my girls. How about you mind your own bloody business, Joanne! Now leave MY family alone!"

After the woman left Malcolm sighed, "I'm sorry, Clara. I knew coming today was a bad idea. I.."

Clara groaned, "DON'T just don't. It not your fault that some people can't move past something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with them in the first place. Now why don't we all go home?" She got everyone in the car and drove home disgusted with people. He doesn't even remember why they have such animosity toward him. That's not fair to him at all. When they got home she got everyone together for dinner and the girls were watching My Little Pony with Malcolm until it was bed time. When she crawled in bed she curled up on Malcolm's shoulder but could tell he didn't feel like talking. When she felt him fall asleep she finally let herself as well.

Malcolm just felt miserable when he went to bed. He felt bad that Mary had to listen to him fighting with that woman, that said woman thought he was abusing the girls, and that Clara had to get in the middle of it to get the woman to leave them alone. The more he learned the more he was sure his family would have been better off without him. He couldn't do anything about it now because everyone was to emotionally invested in this family but.....He still felt guilty for causing so much pain for them even if he doesn't remember what he actually did.


	17. Tired Malcolm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory gets Malcolm to talk and Malcolm takes an unusually long nap.

A few days later Malcolm was sitting out on the balcony smoking a cigarette when he heard the sliding door open. He knew there was only one person in the house with him and sighed, "Hello, Rory."

Rory had noticed that Malcolm had been rather moody and brooding a lot the last few days. He decided to talk to the man and see if maybe he'd open up. He replied, "Hey. Are you feeling ok, Malcolm?"

Malcolm Replied, "Yep. Why?"

Rory sat in the chair on the other side of the table and replied, "In all honesty...I'm afraid I don't believe you. Frankly you have been brooding more than normally and even moodier than usual."

Malcolm scrubbed a hand over his face and replied, "Fine. I'm fucking miserable."

Rory asked, "Would you like to talk about it?"

Malcolm laughed bitterly, "About what? That I should be called the fuck up fairy? That all I ever manage ta fucking do is fuck up everything? Pfftt. I've fucking fucked up Clara's life and...ye want ta know the pisser? I donae even fucking know HOW! I cannae remember who I fucking was before the stroke or why so many fucking people HATE me! I cannae even go ta my little girl's football match without being treated like a fucking leper. Clara doesnae deserve ta be stuck with a man that SHE has ta defend! Nor do the girls need it." 

Rory replied, "It's not your fault about how people judge you. Mostly you can blame the media for that. They had a field day with what you were accused of."

Malcolm groaned, "See? From bean ta cup.....I FUCK UP!"

Rory sighed, "Look I have no idea what you actually did to cause the media to make a circus out of your life but I can tell you that your family loves you and stands by you regardless of what happens."

Malcolm sighed, "I know. That's what bothers me. I donnae fucking deserve their love or faith in me. From what I've been told I wasnae a nice man. I was a complete fucking cunt! Makes me fucking wonder what Clara ever saw in me because she must have been fucking mental ta get involve with a bastard like me."

Rory replied, "No. I think she just could see past whatever the others saw. She was able to see the real you under all the crap. Look I know I haven't known you as long as Clara and your girls but you seem like a decent man now and...that's the point. Who you used to be doesn't really matter because you can't change the past. It's who you are now that counts more than anything. You are a good father and loving husband and that all that really matters to your family. Ok yeah you can be a cranky bastard at times and stubborn as hell but the man I know now wouldn't do the things the old you were accused of doing. Whether you really did them or not doesn't matter because it can't be changed. This you is kind, loving, caring and gentle. I personally believe this is the real you that was hidden under the mask you used to wear while at Number 10. Maybe you forgot who you were for a reason. Maybe you are better off NOT know who you used to be, Malcolm."

Malcolm replied, "Maybe ye should be a fucking shrink. Ye got the smarts for it."

Rory chuckled, "Nah. I like only having one patient. Besides who would annoy you until you talked about your problems if I left? I can tell you don't tend to trust easily and based on what I know about you I totally understand why. You had to constantly watch for a knife in the back. That is not very good for creating friendships."

Malcolm replied, "Aye ye are right about trust issues. I donnae trust hardly anyone. Only ones I trust completely are Clara and the girls. Ye...I trust ta some extent because I'm usually good at reading people. Ye ever fuck up though I'll never trust ye again."

Rory replied, "I'd totally understand."

Malcolm replied, "Good. Now fuck the fuck off and get me a cup o' coffee."

Rory shook his head and replied, "Yessir." He went and made the older man a cup of coffee and was pretty sure he may have pulled Malcolm out of his funk to some degree. What he had told his charge was the truth. Malcolm was better off not knowing who he used to be if the news was anything to go by. He had done some research and found out that Malcolm had worked at Number 10 for 20 years which is exactly how much of his memory was gone. He had a guess that the older man had blocked it from his memory for a reason and just didn't remember why. The stroke might have been the catalyst that enabled it to be permanently lost rather than just blocked out. It really didn't matter to him because he actually liked this Malcolm Tucker. When he went looking for his charge again he found the older man in his office trying to play solitaire on his PC which was frustrating the older man. He set the coffee down on a coaster and went back to his duties.

Malcolm gave up trying to play solitaire and decided to lie down for a while. He drank his coffee and flopped on his day bed with a groan. He was starting to wonder if he could see if he could play some of the games he let Clara download for Lulu on her tablet he had bought her for Christmas the 2nd year he knew them. Hell maybe it would help him relearn some of the shit he fucking was struggling with now. If he could then maybe he's get one himself but right now he was too tired to think about it.  
Rory checked on Malcolm and found him on the day bed curled up on his left side fast asleep. He gently touched the older man's neck to check his pulse. He found that sometimes he had to check to be sure because the older man slept so still and quiet he looked dead. When he felt a pulse he quietly left Malcolm to sleep. 

Mary ran in the door and right into Rory by the scent. She asked, "Where's papa, Rory?"

Rory replied, "He's in his office sleeping."

Mary ran off to dad's office and lightly felt the bed for her father's long thin frame. She sighed when she felt his long thin fingers unconsciously curl around her hand. She slipped her shoes off and gently laid down next to him. She lightly kissed his nose before resting her head on the other half of the pillow. She loved him so much and wished she could see him just once to know what he really looked like. She felt him start to stir and loop and arm around her waist. she slipped her hand under his jumper to rest flat against his soft round belly.

Malcolm was half asleep when he realized he wasn't alone anymore. He wrapped his arm around the small body next to him and felt a small hand against his belly. He rumbled, "ello, Mairi." He was still trying to go back to sleep but he knew it was her because of her size and that she always slipped her hand under his jumper to lay flat again his bare belly.

Mairi replied, "Hey, papa. You falling back to sleep on me?"

Malcolm just rumbled, "Mmmhhmm. Stay. Tired." He felt a kiss on his nose and she settled back down next to him as he fell back to sleep.

Mairi replied, "Ok. I'll stay with you." She kissed his nose and a few minutes later she could tell by his breathing pattern against her hand he was asleep again. She eventually nodded off herself until her mum came in looking for them.

Rory had kept Lana company while Mary was in with a sleeping Malcolm. He was a bit worried because the older man had been sleeping for hours and usually didn't sleep that long. Usually 2 hours or so around the time the girls got home from school but not right after lunch and still sleeping 4 hours later.

When Clara got home she got the update from Rory and went in to check on Malcolm. He was still sleeping and she noticed Mary stirring and quietly asked, "He all right, Mary?"

Mary replied, "I think so. He said he was tired when I came home. He was still half asleep I think because he went right back to sleep a few minutes later. Why? Something happen?"

Clara replied, "No. Rory just said he's been sleeping for almost 5 hours. He just thought it was a bit unusual but it is possible he's just very tired. I'm going to go start dinner. Take care of him, ok?"

Mary replied, "Always, mum." She would always be with him to take care of him until he died. She never cared what others said about him because she was proud to have a father who loved her as much as Malcolm did. He would always be her hero no matter what people told her about him. He had always been good to her and that's all that matters to her. Sometime later she felt him shift and pull her closer and kiss her forehead.

Malcolm woke up like usual with Mary next to him and pulled her closer. He kissed her forehead and rasped, "I love ye, Mairi."

Mary kissed his cheek and replied, "I love you too, papa. You feel better?"

Malcolm rasped, "I'm not as tired as I was when ye got home. Sorry 'bout falling back ta sleep on ye. I didn't expect ye ta stay here."

Mary replied, "You asked me to, papa."

Malcolm rasped, "I did? I must have been out o' it. Next time if ye want ta go play ye don't have ta stay with me."

Mary replied, "Thanks nut there's no place I'd rather be than with you, papa."

Malcolm replied, "I know, love. It's all right. Just wanted ta give ye the option." He coughed hard a few times. He rolled on his bad side so he wouldn't cough on Mary and felt her leaning over his side grasping his jumper. He croaked, "I'll be fine.....just give me a few minutes." He had started coughing when he woke in the mornings or from a nap if he was lying down. It was an inconvenience but it bothered Mary more than him. It worried her unnecessarily. It just fucking annoyed him. When he had stopped coughing he rolled back towards her and realized she was crying. He pulled her against his chest and let her get it out. He wheezed, "I'm all right, Mairi." 

Mary sniffed, "Ok, papa. It just scares me when it happens because I am so afraid of losing you."

Malcolm replied, "I know, love. Yer old da isnae ready for the bone pile yet, hhokay?"

Mary burrowed as close to him as she could and whispered, "Ok." She worried when his coughing jags were so long and deep. She was afraid he'd stop breathing because of them someday. Every time they happened he would wheeze for quite a while afterwards. When mum came to get them for dinner she helped him get up and going.

Malcolm ate dinner silently and then sat in the living room watching a kids movie with the girls. The movie of the night was Disney's Robin Hood. He knew that was also one of Clara's favorite stories. When the movie was over he got upstairs with Clara's help and managed to read the girls a bedtime story with only some help from Clara when he got stuck. 

Clara curled up next to Malcolm when they went to bed and asked, "Are you feeling all right, Malcolm?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I'm fine. I just was very tired today. Nothing more."

Clara replied, "All right but if you start to feel ill promise me you'll tell me or even Mary."

Malcolm replied, "I promise, eudail. Now go ta sleep, hhokay?"

Clara sighed, "Okay. I love you."

Malcolm kissed the top of her head and replied, "I love ye too, eudail." He drifted off to sleep content for the first time in a long time.


	18. Mary's Bad Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary winds up hurt and Malcolm....Well

A couple of months later Dunkin was walking Mary back to the car and she lost hold of his jacket. He wasn't quite sure how it happen but she was hit by a car. He fell to his knees in the middle of the street and held her in his arms and sobbed, "Yer going ta be all right, Mairi. Remember the promise we made, sweetheart? Just hold on for me." He rode with her in the ambulance and Clara followed in the car. He was sitting in the waiting room when she got there. 

Clara wrapped her arm around Malcolm's back and asked, "What happened?"

Malcolm rasped, "I really donnae fucking know. She let go o' my jacket and before I realized it she was....hit. I'm so sorry, Clara. It's my fault. My god. I've probably fucking killed her. I'm a fucking lousy da and a stupid cunt." He wasn't sure why she had let go but he didn't notice fast enough because of his slowed mind and reflexes. If she died he'd never forgive himself because he was supposed to protect her.

Clara was upset but she knew Malcolm was blaming himself and needed her to be the strong one. She said, "It's not your fault. You were in a crosswalk with her. It was the man who was speeding's fault. I will rip that bastard apart but our first priority is our little girl."

When the doctor came and told them she had been moved to the ICU Malcolm was surprised Clara made him stay with Mary. He sighed, "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Cunt. From Bean ta cup I fucked up. Why me?"

Clara replied, "Because she LOVES you and you will be the first person she cxalls for when she wakes up."

Malcolm did as he was told and stayed with Mary. He read her chart and gasped when he saw she was in critical condition. So critical they didn't know if she would live through the night. She had most of her ribs broken, a broken arm, damaged liver, concussion, internal bleeding, collapsed lung all on the side she was hit on. 

Doctor James said, "She's lost a lot of blood...We don't have any available. We really need a donor. Close family would be best."

Malcolm asked, "What's her blood type?"

Doctor James replied, "AB-. It's very rare and hard to find."

Malcolm replied, "No' that hard ta find. I'm AB-."

Doctor James asked, "You are?"

Malcolm said, "Aye."

Doctor James asked, "Are you a blood relative?"

Malcolm replied, "No. I'm their da. I adopted them a few years ago."

Doctor James replied, "I'm going to need a list of all the medications you are on. You may not be able tto donate because of them but it worth a look. If we are lucky the meds in your system may be low enough. Have you taken any today? The sooner she gets blood the better."

Malcolm replied, "No' since about 7 this morning. I didnae have my evening meds yet."

Doctor James replied, "All right. I'll send a nurse in and get the tests done immediately."

Malcolm was relieved when they let him give her his blood because she needed the blood more than the level of effect his meds would have on her. He sat painfully in the chair next to her bed talking to her. He was hoping she might wake up if he kept trying. Malcolm said, "Ye cannae see with yer eyes. Instead ye see with yer heart. Ye saw something in me that I never knew existed. Until I met ye I was a fucking angry bitter old man. I liked all o' ye and wanted ta be part o' yer family. I just never thought I'd love someone as deeply as I love ye. I'd be fucking lost without ye. I didnae even know it until I had the stroke. Ye ground me and have a calming effect on me that no one else does. I've formed an attachment ta ye that I....cannae bear ta live without. I'm sorry......without ye in my life I'd just give up fighting. I love yer mam and Lulu but...ye are my reason for fighting. Ye cannae leave. Please...." He the3n sobbed himself to sleep.

Mary woke slowly to a long bony hand clasping hers tightly. She knew she hurt badly but couldn't remember what happened. She used her other hand to find a head of curly hair next to her side. She squeaked, "Papa?" She groaned in sympathy as the figure jolted and moaned.

Malcolm shot up so fast he hurt himself but he switched his focus to Mary. He caressed her face with his free hand and replied, "Aye, love. I'm right here. I'm so glad you are awake."

Mary asked, "What happened? Why do I hurt so bad?"

Malcolm rasped, "Ye lost hold o' my coat and....got hit by a speeding car. I'm so sorry. I should have noticed sooner. It's my fault ye got hit."

Mary replied, "No. It's not. I....let go when I got bumped by someone. I should have hollered but I kept getting pushed back until I fell down. Then I stood up and everything went away before I could call to you. I'm sorry, papa."

Malcolm rapsed, "It's no' yer fault. Yer a child. I was the adult minding ye. I'm ta blame for it. I should 'ave fucking noticed sooner but ye were holding on ta my bad side where I donnae feel much other than numbness and pain. I should 'ave had ye hold on ta my good side or my hand. I'm a fucking awful da and I'm sorry, Mairi. Ye should fucking hate me and I should leave before I cause yer family anymore damage."

Mary let go of his hand and followed his sleeve to his chest to pull him toward her. She felt until she found his cheek and replied, "You are a good dad. Everyone makes mistakes. I will never hate you. I love you even with all your faults."

Malcolm whispered, "Ye almost died."

Mary replied, "I didn't so stop blaming yourself. I need my papa to love me and not beat himself up over something that can't be changed. I need my hero. I love you and trust you, papa." She felt tears run down his cheek and wiped them away before tugging to get him close enough to kiss his nose.

Malcolm just cried and was amazed at how much fucking shit he did wrong and she still adored him. He whispered, "I'm not a hero. I'm nothing but a damaged old man."

Mary just let him cry on her shoulder and replied, "You are MY hero. My damaged hero but a hero just the same."

Malcolm whispered, "I'm just a fucking idiot."

Mary ran her small hand through his hair and replied, "Then you are MY idiot, papa. Don't you DARE leave me. I choose you to be my daddy and you're not going anywhere."

Malcolm stammered, "But..."

Mary firmly said, "Do as you are told, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye, Boss. Ye are just like yer mam with me wrapped around yer finger."

Mary replied, "I know. Mum taught me how to get you to listen." She smiled when she heard a tired groan. She eventually slipped back to sleep.

Malcolm never left Mary's side the whole time she was in the hospital. He would only leave long enough to eat and change because both Clara and the girls ganged up on him about it. But he was back as soon as possible. When she was released from the hospital he doted on her until she was healed and able to move around again. He stayed in his office with her all day unless he had to go to the bathroom because she was afraid without him nearby. He stayed with her at night until she fell asleep. He was relieved when she pulled out of the danger without any issues but it triggered him to be over protective of her. He would panic if he didn't know where she was and what she was doing. When she went back to school he was a nervous wreck because he wasn't there to protect her.

Clara didn't blame Malcolm for what happened because it wasn't really his fault. He was used to Mary having a death grip on his jacket and never letting go until he told her it was safe too. He adored Mary and would never hurt her or allow her to get hurt on purpose. She had never seen him so....worried about her once she started going to school again. 

Rory knew Malcolm was blaming himself as well. He sat on the deck with the older man and said, "Look, Malcolm. You didn't purposely loose Mary. It was an awful mistake and maybe you should have been paying more attention but any other time she wouldn't have ever let go of you. You learned from this and thank god she's ok. But it was more the speeding car in the crosswalk that was at fault."

Malcolm took a long drag on his cigarette and sighed, "I could have fucking lost her, Rory! If she had died...I'd be done with this fucking bullshit. I made her a promise that as long as she's alive I will live until my fucking body gives out on me but if she dies......my promise ends."

Rory asked, "What about Clara and Lulu?"

Malcolm sighed, "I love them but I know they'd be all right because they are not as tightly woven into my existence as Mairi is. They have each other because Lana is a mummy's girl. Mari is....da's girl. I am everything ta her. I'm her fucking hero for fuck sake! I don't even know why but I am. I will be here for her because she would fall apart without me. She'd....probably die o' a fucking broken heart. I cannae do that ta her."

Rory sighed, "You are something else, Malcolm. I guess it's a relieve you have something to live for but it's codependency. What will happen to Mary when you eventually do die?"

Malcolm sighed, "I'm hoping she will be an adult and find someone to love other than me."

Rory sighed, "I hope you are right."

When Mary got home she asked Rory where her father was and ran out to the balcony. She followed his voice over to his lounger and crawled in his lap. She sat with her legs across his lap and her head against his shoulder. Her hand slipped under his shirt to rest on his soft round belly. She said, "I love you, papa. I missed you."

Soon as Mary got home he heard the sliding door open and called her over to him. When she was comfortable he lit another cigarette careful not to set her hair on fire. He replied, "I love ye too, lassie. What did ye learn today?"

Mary replied, "More Braille. How to recognize sounds and smells that are different from everyday things. We have a school trip coming up and we need a parent to chaperone. I was wondering....if you'd come with me?"

Malcolm replied, "I donnae know, love. I'd need my own fucking chaperone to be yours because o' my conditions."

Mary replied, "What about Rory?"

Malcolm sighed, "I donnae know if he'd be allowed ta go in that case or if he'd even want ta. Besides Ye may not e able ta take both o' us."

Mary replied, "Why don't you ask Rory and I'll talk to my teacher tomorrow? I can't go without a parent."

Malcolm sighed, "Ye could ask yer mam. She's much better at being a child minder than I am."

Mary replied, "No I want you to come. Besides mum has meetings and stuff around the time the trip is."

Malcolm sighed, "Fin e. I'll talk ta Rory but only after ye find out if ye can bring him and I donnae want here any bullshite. I only want the truth. Got it?"

Mary replied, "Yeah, papa. I got it."

Malcolm kissed the top of her head and replied, "Good." Later that night in bed he asked Clara about it.

Clara replied, "I think it's a lovely idea. I'm sure I can figure out how to get an exception made so Rory can go with you. Especially if he's supposed to be with you anyway. I can also talk to her teacher and explain the situation. She's only a child once, Malcolm. She wants to experience things with you the first time. She is a daddy's girl so it make complete sense that she would want you to go with her."

Malcolm sighed, "All right. I must be losing my fucking mind but I cannae say no ta her anymore than I can ta ye."

Clara just put her head on his shoulder after kissing his cheek. She teased, "You are just learning how to follow orders like a good boy."

Malcolm carded his fingers through her hair and asked, "Did ye really teach Mairi how ta get me ta take orders?"

Clara giggled, "Yep. Someone has ta get you to listen when I'm not home and she's all ready got you wrapped around her finger so I figured...why not?"

Malcolm groaned, "Ye are impossible, eudail."

Clara teased, "That's me. The impossible girl."

Malcolm replied, "Aye that ye are, lassie. That ye are." He kissed the top of her head and they both drifted off to sleep.


	19. The Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well Malcolm Goes with Mary on her school trip.

A few weeks later everything was set up for Malcolm to go on Mary's school trip. He wasn't sure how Clara had managed it but his little girl was happy so he just let it go. Irony was that the trip fell on his 60th birthday. He could think of worse ways to spend his birthday than being with Mary all day long. He wasn't sure what he should wear so he eventually decided on a pair of gray suit pants, a light blue dress shirt with a cream fleece top over it, and a pair of comfortable black Velcro sneakers. He then chose the blue and chrome cane he got for Christmas because it kind of went with his shirt. He got small satchel that he could throw over his head and wear across his body. He got together his seizure shots, his wallet, checkbook, cell phone, a pen, pad, reading glasses, 2 pack of Nicoret gum for when he couldn't have a cigarette, 2 packs of cigarettes, lighter, and his pain meds in the bag. Mary had her My Little Pony backpack with her favorite stuffed owl, snacks for both of them, bottled water and ice tea, and a couple of children's books for him to read to her. Clara drove him and Mary to school where they sat and waited for the bus. He later found out one of the parents was an RN and were willing to help him if he went into a seizure as a favor to Clara.

Mary sat next her daddy with her hand on his knee and could feel him nervously tapping his leg. She asked, "You all right, papa?"

Malcolm sighed, "I'm just terrified o' fucking up and loosing ye again. After the last time....I just think yer mam would have been a better fucking choice than me." It was all he could do to stop himself from lighting a cigarette but he had noticed the sign that said there was smoking on school property. He knew the last thing he needed to do was ruin her trip because he needed a fag. He dug into his satchel until he found the gum he had in it. As the nicotine got in his system some of his nervous jitters calmed down. 

Mary replied, "It'll be fine, papa. I'll hold your hand so you can't lose me. I trust you."

Malcolm sighed, "I know ye do and that's what scares me, lassie." When the bus finally got there he painfully stood up and shuffled to the bus with Mary holding his free hand while he leaned heavily on his cane with the other hand. The steps were fun but he managed and pulled Mary along to a set of seats in the middle of the bus. He sat in the aisle seat so he could stretch out his bad leg to try and keep it from cramping. He was still amazed at how with certain things Mary never asked why he did them. He hissed in pain when he was finally ale to stretch his leg out. He handed Mary his cane which she placed against the wall and wedged it with her backpack so it wouldn't slip to the floor.

Mary curled up with her head against her father's shoulder and a hand on his belly. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders and asked, "You all right?"

Malcolm held her tightly and replied, "Aye. I'll live. My leg is just hurting."

Mary replied, "I'm sorry, papa. You mad you came?"

Malcolm kissed Mary's forehead and replied, "No. There's no one I'd rather spend my birthday with than my little girl."

Mary gasped, "Today's your birthday?"

Malcolm chuckled, "Aye it is."

Mary asked, "How old are you?"

Malcolm sighed, "I'm 60 years old today, Mairi. I'm just a fucking old man now."

Mary replied, "Happy 60th birthday, papa." She had brought her allowance with her and wanted to make sure she bought him a gift.

Malcolm replied, "Thanks, Mairi." He leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes. A few minutes later he found himself wearing his reading glasses and reading The Lion King to Mary very slowly because his brain was mixing up the words again. He eventually had to stop because he was getting a headache. He said, "I'm sorry, Mairi. I need ta stop. I cannae concentrate anymore right now."

Mary took the book and placed it back in her backpack. She replied, "It's all right. Thank you for reading to me. I can tell it's not a good day. I'm sorry." She could tell he was both in pain and struggling to read simple words. She heard some of the kids laughing at him trying to pronounce words that he'd forgotten how to say. 

Malcolm had noticed the kids laughing and mocking him because he was having a hard time reading a children's book. He said, "I'm sorry. I'm only embarrassing ye today."

Mary replied, "No you're not. You are not well. There's a difference. I'm blind but I'm not an embarrassment to you so why should you be one to me? Just because you walk with a cane and your mind is jumbled up? No one has any right to judge you without knowing why you are like you are now."

Malcolm sighed, "Doesnae mean they donnae fucking judge me though or ye because o' me. I come across as a fucking retarded idiot now."

Mary replied, "You were a brilliant man once and a wonderful father. Just because you are confused and have a hard time reading a writing now doesn't make you any less of a daddy. I loved you then and I love you even more now. I don't care what they think. I'm proud you are my daddy." She found his hand and tightly squeezed it.

Malcolm squeezed her hand back and replied, "I love ye too, Mairi. Donnae ever doubt that." She was his whole world and his main reason for fighting himself every day. He was surprised when they stopped in a shopping district near the beach they were going to. Mary insisted on getting him a birthday present that he wanted. He finally found a glass ashtray with the etching of an owl under the bottom so using it wouldn't hurt the design. They were on sale so only cost about 15 pounds for it. He had needed his own ashtray for a while since he had broken his old one in a fit of rage and had to use the one Clara had found stashed away in a cabinet. As they walked he noticed how she matched her pace to his slow limping gait and never let go of his hand. He often had to sit down but she was patient with him. He decided to start teaching her Scotch Gaelic. She was a quick study and could pronounce just about every word he told her after 2 tries. 

Mary sat and repeated whatever her father told her too. She had wanted to learn his native language because she used to wonder what he was saying when he slipped into Gaelic. She asked, "Why are you teaching me Gaelic, papa?"

Malcolm was quiet for a while and wrung his hands together. He finally replied, "I donnae have much o' my personal history ta offer ye. Ye are a very bright girl. I'm a Scotsman and I know ye aren't but ye are by rights my daughter.....I had planned ta teach my children the language o' my ancestors like my mam did ta me. I donnae think yer sister would want ta learn it. If ye donnae want ta learn it...ye donnae have too. I just thought it might be something ta bond us. A part o' me ye'll have even after I'm...gone. Something that when I'm gone ye can say..my da taught me how ta speak Gaelic because I was his daughter. Maybe ye can pass it on ta yer children one day."

Mary replied, "I want to learn it. I just wondered why you suddenly decided to teach me it."

Malcolm replied with awe, "Really? Ye really want ta learn it?"

Mary replied, "Of Course I do. Besides I always wonder what you are saying when you switch to Gaelic."

Malcolm chuckled, "Pretty much just more fucking swearing. I donnae think I'll be teaching ye them for a while. Yer mam would kill me if I taught ye how ta fucking swear in Gaelic before the age o' 10."

Mary laughed, "I guess you are probably right." After a while more of learning Gaelic they started walking again. She felt his steps falter and knew he was tired and hurting. She asked, "You going to be all right, papa?"

Malcolm sat down and replied, "I think I need a fucking pain pill. I'm not used ta fucking walking so much anymore." He suddenly was handed a bottle of water and shook his head in amusement. He pulled out his pills and took one. He lit a cigarette and rubbed his leg trying to stop the cramping. When the pain subsided to a dull throb they started moving again. They eventually made it to the beach in time for Mary's lesson. He found a little stuffed brown owl in a gift shop and bought it for Mary because it reminded him of her. She already had the bigger grey owl to represent him. When her lesson was over he called her over to where he had sat down and handed her the owl. He said, "Now you have a Mary owl ta watch over yer da owl when you are at school."

Mary wrapped her arms around his waist and replied, "Thank you. You know I worry about Mally when I'm not there to take care of him." She knew they were only stuffed animals but it was how she communicated her worry about him when she wasn't there. It had become the norm for them to talk about the owl and she was really talking about him. She had named "his" owl Mally after him.

Malcolm replied, "I know you do. As long as he has Mary to take care of him he'll be fine. You must know that Mary is his whole world now. He adores her more than anything in the world." He went along with the owl reference because he knew it was easier for them to talk about their feelings that way sometimes. He knew she was talking about him and she knew he was talking about her.

Mary looked up when she heard someone running toward them. She clutched her father's fleece top tightly. She felt his arm wrap around her to try and sooth her.

Jimmy Jones was one of the boys in Mary's class and he was only partially blind. He followed Mary to the old man that came with her. He asked, "Your parents didn't want to come with you, Mary? Instead they sent your granddad?"

Mary replied, "This IS my Daddy, Jimmy."

Jimmy replied, "Oh. Sorry. I just thought..."

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. Ye thought I was her grandda based on my age. It isnae nothing I'm not used ta hearing."

Jimmy giggled, "Your dad talks funny."

Mary snapped, "Leave him alone! He's Scottish! It's how he talks!"

Malcolm held her tighter and watched the boy run off before he replied, "It's all right, Mairi. Let it go. The laddie just probably never heard a thick Scottish brogue before. Most o' us Scots tend ta stay in fucking Scotland or London where we can find good jobs. Besides some English still fucking hate Scots. I donae like being called Fucking English either."

Mary whined, "But...It's not right he makes fun of your brogue..Besides I'm English and I love you. So does mummy and Lulu. Besides I like your brogue."

Malcolm sighed, "I know. Ye are my family. Ye chose ta love me. Yer mam has a thing for Scots which I'm very glad about. We better get moving so we donae miss the fucking bus." 

Mary asked, "Papa? Will you take me to Scotland someday?"

Malcolm kissed her forehead and replied, "If I am well enough and ye'd like ta go...and yer mam says ye can then sure. Why do ye want ta go?"

Mary replied, "You're my daddy. You are Scottish. I know you adopted me but I want to know your history because I want to know what makes you who you are. You have raised me as your own daughter so I think that makes me a little Scottish."

Malcolm chuckled, "Ye wonnae get an argument from me. Ye may not be a Scot by blood but it seems ye are by heart. I'm actually rather flattered that you want ta know about Scots just because I am a Scotsman." He could tell his leg was going to plague him for a couple days after this but it was worth it to spend the day with his little girl. They eventually made it back to the bus and he was in a lot of pain. He had a hard time getting on. After he fell twice two other fathers helped him up. He thanked them and limped back to their seat leaning heavily on his cane. He sat next to Mary with a hiss and rubbed his leg while he gritted his teeth.

Mary put her head on his shoulder and grasped his fleece top. She whispered, "I'm sorry, papa." She hadn't realized how much pain he would be in by going with her. She started to cry because she felt guilty.

Malcolm looked down at her and wrapped and arm around her shoulders. He sighed, "Donae cry. It isnea yer fault. I agreed ta go. I knew how much I'd pay for it. I'm just an old fucking masochist. I'll be paying for it for a few days but it was worth it. I chose ta come with ye because I wanted ta spend my birthday with ye. I also wanted ta make ye happy by doing something with ye that ye wanted ta do for a change. Ye are all that matters ta me. If I have ta deal with pain because I did something ye wanted ta do then so be it."

Mary sniffled, "I worry about you, papa."

Malcolm replied, "I know ye do...Donae worry so much. I'll live and be back ta fucking normal in a couple o' days. I have no idea why ye are so attached ta me."

Mary sniffled, "You are the only daddy I've ever had..and you have always been there for me. When you....got sick it terrified me. When you didn't die I decided to take care of you no matter what because you needed someone to help you and I love you."

Malcolm sighed, "That was a lot for ye ta take on...I havenae been easy ta take care o' since then. I've actually be quite the fucking bastard ta everyone. I'm sorry."

Mary replied, "It's all right. It's been hard on you more than us. You had a lot change when you got sick." She eventually felt his breathing slow and realized he had fallen asleep. She was glad for that because maybe he could escape some of the pain he was in for a while. She decided to try and rest with him because it was a long trip home. She woke up when she heard him make a choked gasp. She yelped, "Papa?"

Malcolm woke while a start and realized he had a bad cramp in his leg. It was so bad he couldn't keep the gasp from coming out. He heard Mary but all he could do was hold her while he hissed and gasped. He managed to choke out, "Cramp." He felt her panic go down a notch now that she knew he wasn't having a seizure or stroke. 

Mary calmed down a little when she heard him say cramp because she knew that meant his leg was acting up and he would be all right once it stopped. She slipped her hand under his fleece shirt and rubbed her hand over his belly both to calm herself and try to help sooth him. She wasn't sure how long it took but he started to calm down. She asked, "Papa?"

Malcolm hissed, "It's easing. Still hurts." He was finally able to control his reaction to the pain but wasn't sure how much longer it would stick around. He felt Mary hand rubbing his belly and it did help a little. He wasn't sure why but it was soothing when she did it. After a half hour the pain went back to the dull throb he was used too. He knew it was from walking so much but he wasn't about to tell Mary that. He mumbled, "I'm all right, Mairi. It finally stopped. No. Ye donnae have ta move if ye donnae want ta. It's hhokay." He felt her going to remove her hand but she stopped when he gave her permission to keep rubbing his belly. He felt her settle on his shoulder again and kissed her head.

Mary was quite glad when they got back to the school. When they got into the car she felt her dad grab her hand and she realized he had gotten in the back seat. She curled back up on his shoulder with her hand on his belly. She whispered, "Thank you."

One thing Malcolm had gotten good at was reading Mary's moods. When they got home he knew she needed to be able touch him so he painfully got in the back seat and pulled her in with him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and let her lean on him. When they got home he had some tea and toast so he could take his pills. Then with Clara's help he got upstairs and stripped to his boxers. Not long after Mary crawled in bed with him and he let her curl up on his shoulder. He knew she had chosen to be his keeper and needed to be near him until he was better. He mumbled, "Thank ye for taking care o' me, Mairi."

Clara went into the room she shared with Malcolm and saw Mary curled up on his shoulder with her hand on his round belly. She knew that Malcolm was in a lot of pain which she knew was why Mary was in their bed. Mary needed to be with him when he was like he was now. It was a rare occurrence but she knew it wasn't any use trying to separate them until he was back to normal so she crawled in her daughter's bed. She knew Mary was completely devoted to Malcolm and had decided to take care of him. Because she is blind the easiest way for her to do so is to be able to feel any changes by staying with him and being able to touch him.


	20. Happy Birthday Malcolm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well they decided to have a birthday party

The next morning Malcolm woke up with another leg cramp and groaned as he rolled onto his good side. He felt a small arm wrap around his torso and start rubbing his belly. He then remembered Mary slept with him because she wanted to take care of him. When the cramp passed he rolled on his back and Mary was leaning on her elbow. He gently cupped her face with his hand and rasped, "Morning, Mairi."

Mary replied, "Morning, papa. Are you ok?" He had scared her when she woke up and he was groaning.

Malcolm rasped, "Aye. Was just a cramp. Need my meds. I'm going ta say yer mam slept in yer bed since she isnae here. Guess we should get up." He looked at the time and saw it was 10am. He painfully sat up and got his clothes together. Mary had run off and he assumed she was getting dressed. A while later she came back and helped him get dressed and he very slowly made it downstairs. He was managing to use the stairs alone as long as he went very slowly. He knew he wasn't supposed to but he was a stubborn Scot after all.

Clara looked over to the stairs and ran to help Malcolm. She yelled, "You aren't supposed to be going up and down stairs alone."

Malcolm sighed, "I'm not an invalid yet, Clara. Besides Mairi stayed with me in case I fell." 

Clara yelled, "I love you but you still are a bloody stubborn idiot."

Malcolm just grinned and replied, "I'm a Scotsman. We ARE known for our stubbornness."

Clara groaned, "Come on breakfast is ready. Oh also we are having a small birthday party for you today seeing you weren't home yesterday. Baked you a cake, soufflé, and got you a couple of presents."

Malcolm sighed, "Ye all spoil me. I donae fucking deserve it. I should be the one spoiling ye." He sat at the table and ate his breakfast before he took his pills. After he took his meds he went out on the balcony and sat in the lounge chair. He heard the doors open and said, "I'm over here, love. Oh thank ye for bringing them out." Mary had brought him the ashtray she bought him the day before as well as his cigarettes and lighter. He let her climb on his lap and settle with her legs on either side of his thighs and her head on his chest. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag on it. 

Mary sat there listening to his heart beating and his now normal wheezing when he breathed. She could only hear it when her ear was against his chest. It wasn't a noticeable wheeze any other time. She clutched at his shirt tighter when he coughed a few times but eased her grip when he stopped. 

Sometimes Malcolm regretted getting involved with Clara's family because Mary adores him and she deserves better than a crippled old man for a da. She deserves a da that could go on a trip with her and not be in agony. She deserves a da that would be around a lot longer than he will be because of his age and poor health. He was tired and felt like fucking shit but he knew Mary would never leave his side until he was feeling better. He was glad it was a Saturday because he'd have a hell of a time getting her to go to school with him like this. He ground out his cigarette and sighed, "I think I'm going ta have a lie down, Mairi. You can go play with yer sister if ye like."

Mary got off his lap and replied, "I'd rather stay with you, papa."

Malcolm pulled her close and kissed her cheek. He replied, "If that's what ye want ta do then it's fine. I'm just not feeling well and need ta rest." He limped into his office and laid down on the day bed. After he was comfortable on his good side He watched Mary curl up next to him. He loosely wrapped his arm over her tiny waist before he nodded off to sleep.

Mary gently caressed his face and was surprised when he started mumbling in Gaelic while he slept. She recognized some of the words like, fear, pain, love, her name, and guilty. From the order she heard them she was guessing he was still blaming himself for something about her. She wished he'd stop feeling guilty about things. As far as she was concerned he didn't have anything to feel guilty about. She could feel he had more age lines on his face than he did 3 years ago. She still wished she could even see his face once in her life. She eventually nodded off curled into the safety of his arms.

A few hours later Malcolm woke up with Mary curled tightly against his chest. When they got up he jumped when everyone yelled surprise. He gasped, "Ye trying ta give me a fucking heart attack now?" He saw the guilty looks on their faces because they apparently had not considered that until this moment. He sighed, "Never mind." He saw Rory, Jamie, Clara's gran and da. Linda was mercifully not in attendance. He wouldn't have been able to deal with that bitch today. He fell into the armchair he usually sat in while Clara finished cooking dinner for everyone.

Jamie McDonald said, "How the fuck are ye doing, Malc?"

Malcolm let Mary on his lap and replied, "Fine considering I fucking lost most o' the last 20 years o' my life."

Jamie asked, "Do ye even remember me?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Ye would have made a fucking awful priest. Ye are much better fucking bulldog. That I do remember."

Jamie smiled and replied, "If I were ye I'd be fucking glad I lost the last 20 years. Downing Street wasnae a pretty time ta remember. I'm sorry about how the fucking vultures ripped ye ta fucking shreds. It wasnae right after all the times ye saved their fucking arses. I heard the fucking charges got dropped though."

Malcolm asked, "Aye. Only because I had a stroke and lost the last fucking 20 year o' memories. They found it wrong ta try a man that donae even fucking know what he did. How the fuck did Clara find ye anyway? Didnae ye go back ta Glasgow?"

Jamie laughed, "Aye. Fate is a fucking fickle beastie. I came here for a convention and ran in ta yer missus at a fucking coffee shop. I remembered her from the news but wasn't sure who she fucking was at the time. I took a fucking chance that ye might still be fucking talking. Imagine my fucking surprise ta find out she's yer old lady. She asked me ta come ta yer fucking 60th birthday party. Then I find out ye have two fucking daughters with her."

Malcolm replied, "This one is Mary and that's Lulu. Mary is blind so donae leave shite where she can trip over it."

Mary said, "He swears more than you do, papa."

Malcolm replied, "Aye, love. That he does. He was going ta be priest at one time. Can ye imagine that?" He smiled at the giggle she made at the thought. Eventually they had dinner and he blew out the candles on his cake. He opened his presents and found Clara had given him a gold ring with brown quartz stone to go with her engagement ring he gave her. Lulu gave him a book on Scotland. Dave and Gran gave him a carton of cigarettes while Rory got him a set of owl sheets for his day bed because everyone always compares him to an owl. He got a laugh out of that one. When everyone went home he was relieved because he really didn't like parties. He tried some of Clara Chocolate soufflé later that evening. He said, "Yer getting better at these love. This one actually is very good."

Clara had been impressed with his appetite today. She smiled and kissed the top of his head before taking his finished plate and washing it. She watched him sit in the living room watching My Little Pony with the girls and had to admit he was a good father to them. She was also glad he didn't look as pale as he had earlier in the day because it meant he wasn't in as much pain as before.

Malcolm scrubbed a hand over his face from tiredness. If someone had told him 5 years ago he'd be sitting on a sofa with two daughters leaning on his sides and watching My Little Pony with them almost every night he's have told them they were fucking mental. He just wished he could be a better dad to them than he was now. They deserved a dad that could actually keep up with them but going out and playing with them. Someone who could run and tackle them, wrestle with them, play ball, hide and seek, among other things. Before the stroke he would have been able to do many of those things with them but now.....He was feeling lucky he could walk at all let alone do anything else.

Mary could sense her father's shift in mood almost like telepathy and asked, "You all right, papa?" She worried indecently about him when he got in these moods.

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. Just......sad that I cannae do more energetic things with ye like sports or something. I wish I could but....I'm lucky I can still walk. Even if I cannae do that very well some days. Combine that with my age and health...Fuck." 

Mary replied, "That doesn't matter. We love you no matter what. Besides Lulu gets her fill of sports at school. I'm not inclined to them myself since I am blind."

Malcolm sighed, "I know. I just still feel bad I'm not a proper active da for ye girls." He was too old and sickly to be a father now. Before the stroke he was just old and that wasn't so bad because he was still keeping up with the girls....Now they have to slow down for him to do anything with them....which made him feel even worse. He swore in Gaelic and felt Mary's grip on his shirt tighten in reflex. He kissed the top of her head and sighed.

Lulu said, "I love you too, Pepper. No matter what."

Malcolm kissed the top of his other girls head and replied, "I know ye do, Lana. I love both of ye too. I'm sorry. I'm just in a gloomy mood tonight. It's not yer fault...I'm just not feeling well and that messes with my mood." The minute he said he didn't feel well he knew he should have bit his tongue because Mary tried to bury herself deeper in his side. That much was true...When he didn't feel well he was even more depressed than he usually was on a normal day. Top it off with the fact that he just turned 60 years old....and he really was glum. He wrapped his shaking right arm around her shoulders and rested his chin on her head. She worries so much about him....refusing to go to school if he has the flu and is stuck in bed because she feels he needs her to take care of him. He knew if he let her she would stay home and take care of her instead of having Rory around...All he had to do was ask her too but he knew she needed an education and to be outside the house instead of stuck taking care of her sickly old da all day. He knew after opening his fat gob and admitting he wasn't feeling well she would be crawling in bed with him again tonight.

Mary could feel the tremors in his bad side as he held her and burrowed as close in his side as she could. She had sat on his bad side because she was more aware of what bothered him than Lulu. She constantly was worried about him since he'd had the stroke because he was always in pain or unwell. She may be blind but she could hear him crying when he thought nobody was around, feel the tremors on his right side, She was also the only one who was able to calm him down from an angry rage. She wasn't afraid of his rage unlike everyone else because she knew he would never harm her. She was able to sooth and ground him while everyone else just made him more angry. If anyone tried to tear them apart she would run away and find him somehow.

Eventually Malcolm got Lulu to bed but as he had figured Mary refused to sleep in her own bed. He sighed and gave up arguing with her. He felt her crawl into the bed next to him and curl up on his shoulder. He murmured, "Night, Mairi." He felt her kiss his cheek before fell asleep.


	21. Everybody Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm deals with Mary worrying about him, Lulu asking favors, tells Clara about a part of his past, and has a good night

By time school went back in on Monday Malcolm was able to get Mary to go. He was sitting in his chair in the living room with her on his lap.. He said, "I'll be fine while yer gone. I have Rory ta keep an eye on me. Besides my leg is not hurting as bad as it was before."

Mary replied, "But what if you need me to do something, papa?"

Malcolm kissed his little girl's forehead and replied, "Then it'll have ta wait until ye get home from school. Donnae worry. I give ye my word that I'll be fine, Mairi. Now get going before I chase ye out that door with my cane." He watched Mary take her school bag from her mam and run out the door crying. He knew she was heartbroken that he basically just pushed her away but he was feeling better than he was Friday and she needed to go to school. He sighed because he KNEW in his heart she would never marry while he lived. The sad part was that he needed her as much as she needed him. He would become increasingly more dependent on his family as he got older, sicker, and weaker. Lulu would probably find someone and settle down. Clara would be busy working because of how young she is, leaving the task of taking care of her failing "husband" to Mary. Some women find their calling in God while his Mary finds hers is her utter devotion to taking care of him. He felt it was a shame she is blind because she would probably have made a good nurse someday.

Rory kept an eye on Malcolm because he seemed rather melancholy again today. He knew Mary was everything to the older man in the world. Oh he loved Clara and Lulu but Mary was his baby. Even if Malcolm and Clara had another child he doubted his friend would get as attached to that child like he had to Mary. He could tell that even though their relationship wasn't in any way romantic...Their hearts belonged to each other and would until Malcolm died. Then maybe Mary would feel free to find a person to spend the rest of her life with after that. If he had believed in a soul bond he would say these two have one because one refused to not be close to the other as long as they live. No..... Mary would be by Malcolm's side until his dying breath because that's where she feels in her heart she needs to be. He sometimes wished he had found a bond that deep with someone but he hasn't yet. He knew that he would be watching Malcolm until 6pm because Clara had to stay later at school to meet the parents.

Malcolm was on the balcony smoking a cigarette when the girls got home. It was fucking cold out today and he was leaning against the balcony railing when he felt a pair of arms go around his waist and automatically turned around. He ran his hand over the top of Mary's head when she leaned it on his belly. He finished his cigarette a few minutes later and let her take his hand and drag him back inside where it was warmer. He sat in the chair in the living room and Mary hesitated. He gave her hand a gentle pull and she crawled in his lap. He said, "See? I told ye I'd be fine until ye got back home, love." He felt her grasp his shirt tightly in her small hand and kissed her head. 

Mary whispered, "I'm sorry. I just worry because you are not well, papa. I'm scared of losing you."

Malcolm lifted her chin and noticed she was crying again. He wiped her tears away with his thumb and replied, "Oh, Mairi. I'm not going ta die while ye are at school, lass. I may not be well but I donnae plan on leaving ye for a long time yet. I'll make ye a deal. When it's my time if I know it's going to happen in a short time ye can stay until I'm gone, hhokay?"

Mary whispered, "You promise?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye, lass. I promise. If I have any warning I will not fight ye about staying with me. There's no one I'd rather be with for the last few hours o' my life. Ye have made my life happier than I have ever imagined. I'd like ye, yer mam and sister here when my time comes."

Mary whispered, "OK, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "I want ye to understand I'll never push ye away. I'll never shun ye or lie ta ye. Ye mean to much ta me ta die with ye hating me. I donnae really understand it but I'm....lost without ye, lass. We are bound ta each other....Our lives are entwined with each other. Ye have a piece o' my heart no one else can ever fill, Mairi. If I lost ye....that piece o' me would die with ye. I will always love ye no matter what happens in our future, hhokay?" He knew one of her biggest fears was losing his love for whatever reason.

Mary whispered, "Yes, papa."

Malcolm kissed her cheek and hugged her close. He replied, "That's my wee lassie." He would be lost without her. Even more than he would be without Clara. His bond with Mary was stronger than the one he has with Clara. With Clara it's romantic and sexual but Mary...is familial, spiritual, and devotional. She is the one person who could do anything even betray him and he'd forgive her in an instant if she asked him too. He adored her beyond anyone and would do anything just to keep her happy. He grabbed a tangerine from the bowl on his side table and was having a hard time peeling it. 

Mary took the tangerine and peeled it before splitting it up and playful shoving a piece in her father's mouth. She giggled and ate a piece before sharing 3 more with him after she peeled them.

Ordinarily Malcolm would have complained about having the pieces shoved in his mouth but he let it go because Mary was smiling and laughing while she did it. He'd rather see her happy than glum again. Yeah, he would do anything for her even let her playfully shove food in his mouth if it cheered her up. He held up his hand when he'd had enough of the fruit. He said, "Thank ye, Mairi. That was plenty."

Mary replied, "Ok, papa. Be right back." She ran into the kitchen and asked Rory for a cup of coffee for her father and took it back out prepared exactly how he liked it. She placed it on his table before crawling back in his lap closer to his good side so he could drink his coffee. He was surprised when Lulu came over and asked him if she could paint his finger nails. He sighed and let her paint them royal blue. He suddenly remembered doing it when he was in his 20's himself. He had to admit she was accurate so instead of removing the color he left it on ignoring the look of surprised look from Rory. He said, "Wut? So I let Lana paint my nails blue. It's no' like they are pink or some other feminine color. Besides I used ta look fucking beautiful in a dress." He heard Mary snicker on his lap and grinned a feral grin at Rory who just rolled his eyes. He knew Clara would have a good laugh as well but he actually liked the color. Hell when he was younger he used to paint his nails because it annoyed his coworkers. Hell for Halloween a couple of years when he was a lot younger he dressed like a woman and looked pretty fucking good too. Even the fucking drag queens and gays were hitting on him telling him he was beautiful. He even dated one or two of them at the time.  
Clara was surprised when she got home to find Malcolm had blue nails and just smirked when he told her about Lana painting them. She teased, "Careful...She'll be doing your hair and putting makeup on you next."

Malcolm just chuckled, "I donnae mind if it helps her learn how ta use the stuff. Wouldnae be the first time I did it. When I was young I used ta look beautiful painted and dressed like a lassie. Even got me a few dates with men."

Clara gasped, "Did they know you were a guy?"

Malcolm chuckled, "Aye. They were gay. Almost settled down with one o' them. He was a nice laddie. Was always making me dinner and bringing me flowers. He was a hopeless romantic."

Clara replied, "Oh. Why didn't you?"

Malcolm replied, "I...preferred women and my life got too busy for him ta stick around. He wanted more o' my time than I could give. I started in politics and couldn't do the things I used to do with Johnny anymore. I....couldn't go ta gay bars, dress like a lassie, or even hold hands with him anymore without a tabloid chasing us."

Clara kissed his cheek and said, "I'm sorry."

Malcolm sighed, "Doesnae matter anymore. I have ye and the girls and I'm happy." After they got the girls to bed he was surprised when Clara stripped him naked and proceeded to arouse the hell out of him. He thought she was so beautiful especially naked when he could reach up and lightly squeeze her pert breasts. Since he had been cleared for sex after his stroke she had gotten very good at riding him like a bucking bronco. He loved to just watch her riding him until she came. He wanted her to be satisfied first before he even concentrated on her movements on his cock. It was hard to do but he managed.

Clara knew he loved to watch her please herself and come before he would allow himself t even enjoy what they were doing. She was amazed he could do that because it was like a switch. Once she had an orgasm she saw his resolve fall apart as she moved faster and harder until she felt him gripping her legs and going rigid as he came with a gasp of her name. She felt him release deep inside of her and go limp under her. She stayed on top of him and caressed his cheeks and temples until he stopped panting. She knew sex exhausted him anymore but they had both agreed it was worth it. She asked, "Malcolm?"

Malcolm rasped, "I'm all right, Clara. Just need ta rest now. Sorry.."

Clara kissed his lips to stop his apology before rolling to snuggle into his side and replied, "Don't you ever be sorry. It's ok if you're tired. I love you and am happy just sleeping next to you. This...is extra and wonderful but even if you couldn't make love anymore I still would be here."

Malcolm coughed a raspy cough a few times and replied, "I love ye too. Thank ye. I couldn't ask for a better lassie as a wife." He coughed a few more times before rolling onto his good side to face Clara. He caressed the side of her face before moving his hand to rest on her naked waist and closing his eyes. He mumbled, "Ye are so fucking beautiful, eudail. So ...fucking...beautiful.."

Clara realized he had fallen asleep while talking. She moved closer and angled herself so his head rested on the pillow of her breasts as he slept. She knew he liked to sleep on her breasts. They both wanted to make love more often but he was so exhausted from it that they decided not to do it very often. She held him close against her and kissed the top of his curly gray head. She eventually nodded off herself holding him close in case he needed her in the night..


	22. Ann

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm's sister comes calling

One weekend a few weeks later Malcolm was sitting in the living room when their doorbell rang. He painfully got up and went to answer it with Mary clinging to his jumper as she followed him. He opened and got the shock of his life. There standing in front of him was his sister and her son and daughter. He groaned, "Hello, Ann. What the fuck do ye want?"

Ann asked, "Why do I want anything?"

Malcolm bitterly laughed, "Ye haven't bothered with me for over 30 years...I surprised ye even found me. No fucking calls or visits. Why the fuck else would ye be stopping by?" He turned around and slowly made his way back to the living room leaving the door open.

Ann watched he older brother limp heavily away while leaning on a cane. Then she noticed the child holding tightly onto his jumper as he moved. She followed him into the living room where he heavily sat in an armchair. The child crawled into his lap and then another came running from another room.

Lulu stopped short at the sight of a woman with dark hair and two children about her and Mary's age. She attentively asked, "Who are they, Pepper?"

Malcolm replied, "Lulu and Mary meet your aunt Ann and her two children John and Susan." He purposely said their proper names so Ann wouldn't try to call them what he called them.

Mary asked, "Your sister, papa?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. My younger sister, love. We donnae get along very well."

Clara walked in the room and saw a woman with black hair starting to gray who was a bit older than her. She then saw the 2 children and asked, "Malcolm?"

Ann held her hand out and said, "I'm Ann Jamison. I am Malcolm's younger sister. These are my children John and Susan."

Clara replied, "Clara Oswald. You've met Mary and Lulu."

Ann asked, "Are you his nurse?"

Malcolm growled, "Clara is my wife."

Ann replied, "Oh. Forgive me.. I didn't expect him to have chosen a wife nor one so young. I rather expected him to never be with a woman really."

Clara had been a bit surprised when he insisted she was his wife even though she was in everything but name. She could feel the tension between them so let Malcolm say what he wished. 

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. That's why ye have practically ignored I existed for 30 years now. Why did ye fucking come here? Or did ye just want ta rub salt in an old wound?"

Ann replied, "I'm sorry I handled you're...relationship with that boy badly but I'm still not comfortable with...those people. By the same token...I do not wish for us to die hating each other."

Malcolm sighed, "I didnae fucking hate ye....Just how ye treated me. Ye told me ta stay away from ye so I did as ye asked."

Ann replied, "I was wrong to push you away. I am sorry. You should be able to truly know my children other than snippets or the odd letter."

Clara gasped, "Johnny? You pushed him away because of Johnny?"

Malcolm saw Ann's surprised look and replied, "Aye. It was over him. Wut? Ye think I wouldn't eventually tell Clara about him? I'm no' the one that was ashamed, Ann. I loved him once and I love her now. Love is love even if ye donnae agree with my feeling on the matter."

Ann asked, "These children? Are they yours?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. As far as ye are concerned they are. I adopted and gave them my name. I love them and if ye do ANYTHING ta hurt them or our relationship ye will be very sorry."

Ann replied, "I understand. I have no intention of hurting your family."

Malcolm suffered through a few hours catching up with Ann while the children played together in the girls room.

Ann asked, "The eldest girl? She seems a bit clumsy and distracted."

Malcolm scrubbed a hand over his face and said, "She is blind. She is only clumsy when something is in her way that shouldnae be."

Ann asked, "You are unwell?"

Malcolm replied, "I had a stroke 4 years ago. I am no' a well man but I donnae plan on fucking dropping dead for some time yet. I have mostly recovered from it with the exception o' pain, uncoord....ination and sluggish....ness in my right side."  
Ann stated, "Speaking as well apparently."

Malcolm growled, "Aye and my old mind is muddled as well. Not that it is any concern o' yers." He was very glad when she finally left because he wanted to choke her and her snobbish air. He found out she had married a rich man that owned a bunch of stores and warehouses. He really didn't give a fuck who she married except that he had turned his sister into a stuck up snob that looked down at her brother and his family as if they were beneath her even though he had done well for himself until he had the stroke. He wasn't rich but he had enough money that his family was able to live comfortably even without Clara working. He was on the balcony having a cigarette when Mary came out and tugged on his jumper where he was standing by the railing.  
Mary said, "I'm sorry, papa. I don't like her."

Malcolm laughed so hard he started coughing. He finally managed to rasped, "I donnae like her either, love. She's no' the woman that was my sister 30 years ago. I'm willing ta repair what we can o' our relationship but it will never be the same."

Mary asked, "Who was Johnny?"

Malcolm sat on the lounge chair and let Mary sit on his lap. He said, "Johnny was....papa's boyfriend MANY years ago. He's the wedge that caused me and Ann ta become distant. I know some would be upset with me for talking about this but Johnny was.....what yer mam is now ta me."

Mary asked, "Did you love him? Were you married?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I did love him...We planned ta marry but my job got in the way...We grew apart until he found another that was a better match for him."

Mary asked, "If you loved him why did aunt Ann not like him?"

Malcolm replied, "Because we were both men. We were raised ta believe....a romantic relationship between two o' the same gender was wrong and against God. So she shunned me for 30 years with only very basic information about her life."

Mary said, "Some of my friends have 2 mommies or 2 daddies. I don't understand her problem."

Malcolm kissed her forehead and replied, "That's because yer mam and da raised ye ta accept everyone no matter who they sleep with at night. Ye have ta remember I'm an old man and come from a completely different time than ye do. People are not as hateful o' differences anymore. There are exceptions ta that of course but more and more people are accepting things they cannae understand."

Mary asked, "What if I want a wife instead of a husband when I grow up, papa?"

Malcolm hugged her tightly and replied, "Then I will love ye just as much as I do now. Ye are always going ta be my little girl. That isnae going ta fucking change whether ye fall in love with a man or a woman. I want ye ta be happy and if that happens ta be with a woman then I'll be more than happy ta welcome her as a daughter in law, hookay?"

Mary burrowed into her father's chest and replied, "Ok, papa."

Malcolm lit another cigarette and wrapped his free arm around Mary. He had told her the truth. If she wanted to marry a woman instead of a man he would stand beside her decision. He would not let a thing like his daughter possibly being gay tear them apart. If it happened then he loved her no matter what or who she married. He did wonder if Mary might have a crush on a girl and she decided to ask him about it because he had been with Johnny. She was old enough to start having a crush even if she may not understand anything else about it. Eventually he finished the cigarette and they went inside. He managed to read the girls a story before going to bed himself. He felt Clara crawl in beside him shortly before he fell asleep.


	23. Lulu's Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm goes to Lulu's play, meets and old friend and gives someone a bollocking.

Malcolm was drug out to Lulu's school play a few days later even though he was tired and cranky about it. He loved his daughters but there were times when he just didn't want to leave the house. He obediently sat and watched the drama club put on Mary Poppins. He had to admit for a bunch of 7-9 year olds they did well. His Lulu was one of the kids but he couldn't remember the name of the girl. He mumbled, "Christ. My mind is awful." He felt Clara clasp his hand and squeeze it. After the play was over they had to stay for the get together. He had just gotten out of the auditorium with Mary clinging to his good hand when Lulu ran to him.

Lulu wrapped her arms around her father's waist and hugged him. She said, "Thank you for coming, Pepper."

He let go of Mary long enough to fluff Lulu's hair and replied, "Aye. Yer welcome, Lana. Ye did really well. I'm proud o' ye, lassie." He felt bad for not wanting to come now. He had made her so happy and he wanted to see both his girls happy.

Mary said, "Yeah, Lulu. Good job."

Lulu moved over and hugged her sister. She said, "Thanks both of you. I love you. I'm going to go see if I can find mummy."

Mary felt her father move to start walking. She asked, "Papa?"

Malcolm replied, "Hmm. Oh sorry, love. I need a fucking cigarette." He felt her take his hand and entwine their fingers. He led her outside and a ways away from the doors before lighting a cigarette. He didn't see any no smoking signs so he hoped he wouldn't get in trouble for one at any rate. After he finished the cigarette they went back inside and he got the both some punch and found a corner for them to sit in so they were out of the way. He was dressed in a suit and tie although his dress shirts were tighter than they used to be seeing he had a bit of a pot belly now. They still fit but they weren't loose anymore. He left his suit jackets unbuttoned because when he sat they were pulling too much. He leaned back and let Mary lean on his shoulder and wrapped his bad arm around her.

Mary sat with her father and placed her one hand on his rounded belly under his tie and her head on his shoulder. She asked, "Are you all right, papa?"

Malcolm stretched out his bad leg rubbing it and sighed, "Aye. I think my pills are fucking wearing off."

Mary asked, "Your leg?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye."

Mary asked, "Does mummy have any of your pills?"

Malcolm sighed, "No. I donnae think so, love."

Mary whispered, "Oh, papa."

Malcolm turned and kissed the side of her head. He replied, "It's all right. I'll live. Donnae worry about me so fucking much. I've dealt with worse fucking pain."

Mary whispered, "I'm always going to worry about you."

Malcolm sighed, "I know ye do even if I donnae fucking deserve it. I'm just a fucking useless old cunt."

Mary tighter her grasp on his shirt and cried, "No you're not, papa. You are a good father and my best friend."

Malcolm sighed, "Why in the fuck ye picked me for yer best friend I'll never know."

Mary cried, "Because I LOVE you!" She smacked his soft belly and heard him grunt.

Malcolm grunted in surprise at the hard smack Mary gave him on his soft belly. He sighed, "All right, Mairi, love. No need ta beat me up. I'm sorry. I'm just in a fucking morbid mood."

Mary replied, "You're depressed again."

Malcolm grunted, "Aye."

Mary asked, "Why do you hate yourself so much?"

Malcolm asked, "Why do ye think I fucking hate myself?"

Mary sighed, "No offense but I'm blind not stupid, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "Yer right, love. I'm sorry. I forget how perceptive ye are o' my moods and thoughts. Yer right. I do fucking hate myself. Ye and Rory are the only two that fucking know that. That's a downfall o' us being so close I'm guessing. I'd hate ta see if ye weren't blind. Ye'd probably have fucking x-ray vision and see right the fuck through me."

Mary replied, "I learned how to take care of you by reading you. For starter when you are self loathing your tone of voice is angry and you start berating yourself. You also need me to hold you and pull you out of it because you crave my presence. You also don't want anyone else around you when you are in that mood."

Malcolm hugged her and replied, "Aye. Ye know me to fucking well. I.." He stopped talking when he saw a pretty woman with short brown hair that was about his height walking toward them He was sure he knew her from somewhere but couldn't place it.  
Sam was surprised to see Malcolm of all people at a school with a 10 year old girl curled up against him. She saw the confused look on his face and held out her hand. She said, "Malcolm It's been a while. You look well. It's Sam. I was your PA at Number 10."

Malcolm shook her hand and replied, "Sorry, lassie. I cannae remember the last 20 years even though I did get the feeling I should know who ye are. We were friends I take it?"

Sam laughed, "Yeah. I was one of the only real friends you had. The other being Jaime."

Malcolm replied, "Ah. The foul mouthed priest dropout. Aye he was at my birthday party a while back. As for being well...no I'm no' well. A lot o' nerve and brain damage from the stroke. I have a lot o' pain and a fucking shitty useless mind."

Sam replied, "Oh. I'm sorry. I was going to see you but I didn't know where you live now. I do have some presents I bought for you out of habit."

Malcolm replied, "It's no' a cunt cake is it?"

Sam asked, "How did you...?"

Malcolm shrugged, "I get bits and pieces now and then. Just not enough ta really put it together. I'm living with Clara and the girls now. Which reminds me...This is Mary. Our eldest daughter. Here comes Clara and our youngest Lulu. Twas Lulu in the play tonight."

Sam said, "Well I never thought I'd see the day Malcolm Tucker is a father. I'm happy for you. You seem less stressed and content. I think being a father is a good thing for you. Clara would you mind if I dropped by to visit Malcolm sometime? I got him a birthday present every year since I last saw him."

Clara replied, "No. Here's our address. You were the only one to stand by him until the end and I can't forget that you are a true friend to him."

Sam replied, "I...love Malcolm like a brother and hated what they did to him. I left politics after the Goulding Inquiry. He was doing his job and they...nailed him to the wall as a scapegoat for everything. Well I should go find my kids. I'll see you soon."

Malcolm replied, "Nice seeing ye again, Sam." He saw her wave at him and sighed.

Mary asked, "Mummy? Do you have any of papa's pain pills?"

Clara replied, "No. I'm sorry. I forgot to grab them."

Malcolm replied, "It's all right."

Clara said, "Will you be able to last another hour?"

Malcolm sighed, "I'll manage. Go on. I got my little nurse here after all." He watched Clara and Lulu go off to mingle some more and lean back closing his eyes. He wasn't surprised by the animosity in the woman's voice that he heard directed at him. He groaned, "Wut do ye want?"

Sandy Daws sneered, "Well if it isn't Malcolm "The Liar" Tucker. What are YOU doing here? Stalking little girls like that one?"

Malcolm groaned, "I fucking came ta watch my youngest daughter in the fucking play if ye donnae mind. This is my eldest child."

Sandy laughed, "YOU? Have children? I rather doubt that. No one in their right mind would date a demon like you let alone have your evil spawn."

Malcolm stood up and snapped, "Ye better be very careful or this fucking DEMON may just eat ye for dinner. Actually I am feeling a bit peckish right about now. Do ye happen ta taste like fucking chicken by chance? Oh it doesnae matter. I can fucking slather ye in gravy and ye'll taste fine, ye patronizing stuck up fucking CUNT." He leered at her and watched her run off in shock. He sat back down and realized Mary was giggling.

Mary giggled, "THAT's my papa. Swears and threats on autopilot. I bet she'll leave us alone."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I hope so, love. She's the one that fucking accused me o' being a demon. I just used it ta my advantage. People need ta fucking learn NEVER ta fucking bait me." Eventually they finally went home. He put the girls to bed, read them a story, took his pills and went to bed himself. He hated people with very few exceptions. He kissed Clara a couple of times before he settled down to sleep.


	24. Malcolm is an idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm being stubborn again

Malcolm had the girls home with him one day while Clara was having a teacher in-service day at the school. Mary played with Lulu as long as he was with them. The minute he was gone for longer than 10 minutes she would come looking for him. It all he could stand to have Rory and Mary and later Lulu chasing after him all day long. He would go out for a cigarette and Mary was sitting on his lap in the lounge chair. A few minutes later he had Lulu sitting down next to him so he moved his legs enough for her to fit. He grumbled, "I'm no' going ta die if ye donnae watch me, lassies."

Lulu replied, "I don't get to spend much time with you, Pepper. Mary takes all your time usually. I'm not mad..I just want to spend time with you too. Unless you don't want me around."

Malcolm took a drag on his cigarette and sighed, "For fucks sake, Lana. It's no' that. Ye just usually stay with yer mam."

Lulu replied, "I tend to stay with mummy because Mary is....possessive of you and your time. I'm not as demanding of your time but would like some time with you. You...are my daddy too."

Malcolm sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm no' a very obser--vant man anymore. Com're. Just be careful o' my bad leg, yeah?" He let her climb on the opposite side of him. He watched her careful adjust so she could lean against his side but keeping as much pressure as she could off of his bad leg. So here he was on the lounge chair with his 2 girls sitting on either side of him. He was tired and closed his eyes.

Lulu asked, "Do you love me, Pepper?"

Malcolm tiredly replied, "Aye. O' course I do, Lana. Our relationship is just different than Mairi's is with me. Doesnae mean I donnae love ye. Yer sister and me are just closer ta each other."

Lulu said, "I love you, daddy."

Malcolm cracked an eye open in surprise. Lulu never calls him anything but Pepper unless she was scared or worried. He wrapped his arm around his youngest and replied, "I know ye do, Lana. I'm going ta tell ye something RIGHT NOW. I'm always going ta be yer da. I made that promise the day ye took my name and allowed me ta adopt ye. I never thought I'd get ta be a da but ye both made me a very happy man when ye chose ta give the honor o' being yer da. Donnae EVER doubt that, lassie."

Lulu replied, "I'm sorry. I just worry that you would rather Mary than me."

Malcolm sighed, "I'm no' going ta lie ta ye. Mairi and I have a code--pendent relationship. We NEED each other. Ye donnae really need me. Ye have Mairi and yer mam. I love both o' ye but yer sister and I have a special bond that ye and I donnae have. Even so that doesnae mean that I donnae love ye or would push ye away but it does mean if ye want my attention ye'll have ta fucking tell me. I'm fucking thick with children and need ta be hit over the head with shite. Mairi always wants me so I donnae need ta figure it out. Hhokay?"

Lulu kissed his cheek and replied, "OK. I'll hit you with my dollie or something when I want your attention."

Malcolm chuckled, "That's my wee lassie. Ye'll make a wonderful Tucker someday. Violent and agg--ressive."

Lulu teased, "I thought you just swore and threw threats around."

Malcolm poked her and replied, "Cheeky little Tucker ye are. Ye'll go far."

Lulu replied, "I'm learning from the best after all. I'm proud to be a Tucker. I'm also proud to be your daughter."

Malcolm rasped, "I'm proud ta have ye both for daughters. Ye have no idea how much..joy ye bring me." He kissed the top of both their heads and hissed as he shifted. When Lulu went to move he said, "Yer no' hurting me, Lana. My leg is just acting up. No' yer fault. Ye can stay with us."

Lulu asked, "Is it time for your meds, Pepper?"

Malcolm looked at his watch and sighed, "No. I still have 3 more hours before I can take anything else." His leg really was giving him a hard time today. He had a hell of a time getting out of bed and just walking before he had taken his pills. After they went inside again he decided he was going for a walk. He yelled, "I'm away for a walk!"

Rory asked, "Are you sure that's a good idea to without someone?"

Lulu said, "We'll go with him. If we need you Mary will stay with him and I'll come back for you." She gave Malcolm a look that said don't even argue and he shut his mouth without a peep.

Mary clutched at her father's hand while they walked to the park where they used to come before he was so ill. She sat with him while Lulu went and played on the swings. 

Malcolm decided to stop at the park because it had been a long time since they were able to go there. He watched Lulu on the swings and knew she was still watching him and Mary on the bench he they were sitting on. He lit a cigarette and puffed on it until he saw a man walk over to Lulu. Then he watched as the man tried to drag her away. He limped over and said, "What do ye want with a little girl?"

Owen Mason was one of those men that liked to try and pick up children. He had grabbed the arm of a 7 year old and was trying to drag her away. He looked at the middle aged cripple in front of him and asked, "What's it to you, old man?"

Malcolm growled, "It's my daughter ye are manhandling ye fucking bastard." He then decked the man square in the jaw hard as hell. He wound up getting in a few more punches before someone ran to get help. He was shaking his hand out when a cop came over and broke it up. Irony was that HE was the one that went to jail. He wound up having to call Rory to come get the girls until Clara could come get him out. Mary didn't want to leave him. He sighed, "Ye need ta go with Rory, love. I'll be all right until I can get out o' here. Yer mam will be coming ta see me when she gets out o' work. Hopefully it will be cleared up by then. I love both o' ye. I'll be home soon." He then kissed both of them on the head and Rory took them home.

Clara got a phone call about Malcolm in Jail. When she got there she asked, "What the hell did you do?"

Malcolm replied, "Some fucking cunt was trying ta steal our Lana in the park. I decked him and hit him a few more times for good measure."

Clara groaned, "Why were you in the bloody park anyway?"

Malcolm sighed, "I needed a fucking walk so I took the girls ta the park."

Clara groaned, "You are bloody impossible! Why didn't you take Rory?"

Malcolm replied, "I didnae want ta take him. I didnae want ta take the girls for a fucking walk either but they wouldnae let me go alone."

Clara yelled, "Jesus, Malcolm. What if you had a seizure?"

Malcolm yelled, "Then Mary would have stayed with me and Lana would have gone ta get Rory. I donnae need a fucking keeper!"

Clara yelled, " You know bloody well you can't be left alone!"

Malcolm yelled, "I'm fucking tire o' being treated like a fucking child that needs a fucking baby sitter!

Clara yelled, "Then stop acting like one!" 

Malcolm yelled, "Fuck the fuck off, Clara!"

Clara yelled, " You're an idiot!" She was so angry at him she just left him there to stew while she tried to clear the charges up against him. She wanted to bitch slap him so hard it was all she could do to not leave him there over night.

Malcolm hadn't even realized how angry he was about having someone constantly invading his privacy until Clara had started yelling at him. He knew she was right but he was too proud to admit he was wrong. That night he slept alone in bed because Clara decided to sleep on the sofa. He hated himself and again wished he had just died when he had the stroke because Clara could be with another man right now that wasn't ill and could make her happy if he had died.

Clara loved Malcolm so much but at times he truly acted like a child. She knew part of it was the brain damage from the stroke but it was so infuriating when he suddenly became impossible to reason with over things he knew she was right about. She decided to sleep on the sofa because she couldn't deal with him tonight.

Mary couldn't understand why her parents weren't talking or sleeping together. She was afraid she did something wrong. She crawled into bed with her father. She felt Lulu crawl in as well. She found his side and placed her hand there. She asked, "Papa? Did we do something wrong?"

Malcolm rolled over to his back and replied, "Fuck no, love. Why did ye think that?"

Lulu answered, "You and mummy aren't sleeping together. Does it have ta do with you defending me?"

Malcolm sighed, "No. It has nothing ta do with either o' ye. Yer mam and da just had a bad fight. It wasnae anything about ye. Yer da is a fucking idiot again."

Mary asked, "Can we sleep with you if mummy isn't?"

Malcolm moved so Lulu could move to the other side of the bed and rolled on to his good side facing Mary. He felt Lulu curl up against his back and wrap an arm around his belly. He rumbled, "Better?"

Mary replied, "Thank you, papa."

Malcolm mumbled, "Aye. Night." He for some reason felt very safe with them flanking him as he finally fell asleep.


	25. Oh Malcolm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm does something stupid *sigh*

It took 2 days before Clara would talk to Malcolm. She had no idea what she would be coming home to the second day.

Rory had noticed that Malcolm was severely depressed and that Clara wasn't talking to the older man. He never expected for the older man to lock himself in the bathroom. He wound up beating down the door to find the older man unconscious on the floor not breathing. He had to perform CPR and then called 999. He found an empty bottle from sleeping pills and a glass under the tub. He kept an eye on the older man until the ambulance got there and went with the older man to the hospital. He said, "God, Malcolm." He was very relieved when they said the older man would make it. 

Malcolm woke up to Rory's worried face and realized he was in the hospital. He groaned, "Why didn't ye just let me die?"

Rory replied, "Because my job is to make sure you live. What in the hell possessed you to...to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills!"

Malcolm rasped, "I donnae want ta live! Clara hates me and I'm nothing but a fuck up! Everyone's better off without me!"

Rory yelled, "Clara doesn't hate you. What about the promise you made to Mary?"

Malcolm had completely forgotten about that in his depression. He rasped, "Jesus Christ. She's going ta fucking have a fit. Fucking fuck me!"

Rory replied, "She's going to be angry, hurt and disappointed that you broke your promise, Malcolm."

Malcolm sighed, "I guess there isnae any way I can get ye ta fucking not tell her is there?"

Rory scolded, "Then YOU'D be lying to her as well as me. You swore to never lie to either of the girls."

Malcolm glared at Rory and groaned, "Jesus fucking Christ! What are ye the fucking good angel on my shoulder now?"

Rory replied, "Apparently someone has to be because you listen to that little devil too much. I know you hate who you are now but you have 3 other people to consider when you do something stupid like this."

Malcolm swore, "Fuck the fuck off, ye twat!" He wasn't sure where he got the energy after almost dying but threw a cup of ice chips at the younger man in anger. When Rory finally left him alone he broke down, curled up in a ball and sobbed. 

Rory threw his hands in the air and walked out of the older man's room. It was lucky he really cared about Malcolm and had a LOT of patience. He saw Clara coming to the room an few minutes later and said, "I need to tell you something before you go in there. He has been extremely depressed the last couple of days since you stopped talking to him. Also he made a pact with Mary a long time ago that as long as she was alive he wouldn't take his own life. He broke that promise today. I'd suggest the doctors change his anti-depressant because this one doesn't seem to be working. He has been very depressed before but he has never tried to take his own life."

Clara sighed, "I don't know what to do with him, Rory. I love him but he's acting like an obnoxious brat and I don't really know why he suddenly hates having someone with him 24/7. I have to pick up the girls from school and I don't know what to tell them. Lulu will be upset but Mary.....We can barely get her to go to school as it is and to find out her father tried to kill himself while she was not home....It will devastate her."

Rory sighed, "Yeah. He'll regret doing this because of how badly it will effect Mary. I know she will be terrified to leave him alone again even with me because it happened on my watch. I am truly sorry and I should have realized sooner but he had never acted on how he felt. He's never tried this before even though he's talked about wanting to die. "

Clara sighed, "It's not really your fault...Just talking about wishing he was dead doesn't always mean someone's going to kill themselves...especially not as long as Malcolm talked about it. Besides I think it's my fault because fight I had with him 2 days ago. I think he may have just snapped when I yelled at him for going for a walk without you. Then I haven't slept in the same bed or even talked to him since that night. I'm just thankful you got to him before..." She stopped talking because she was trying not to cry. She straightened her resolve and walked into Malcolm's room where she sat next to his bed. She took hold of his hand thinking he was asleep but saw his eyes flutter open. She ran the fingers of her other hand through his fluffy, curly, gray hair. She saw uncertainty in his eyes and waited for him to speak.

Malcolm whispered, "I'm sorry, eudail. I just cannae bear living with ye hating me. I'm not young, pretty or well."

Clara replied, "You, idiot. I've never been interested in pretty young men. I wouldn't be with you if I did. As for me hating you.. I could never hate you. I still love you even if I'm angry at you. You are just so...bloody stubborn at times. I hadn't realized my anger would drive you to.....this and I'm sorry. I didn't know you would react like this. When we used to fight...before your stroke we would just give each other space before talking about it. Granted you were usually the one to storm off and not talk to me. This wasn't any different....It was just a fight and I needed time to cool off before I could move on to talking."

Malcolm whispered, "I'm sorry. I just....cannae remember us ever truly fighting. I think those memories are deleted as well." He entwined his thin fingers with Clara smaller ones when she kissed his cheek.

Clara replied, "It all right just don't EVER do this again. That will make me angry. Christ, Malcolm. Mary is going to be a basket case. I may wind up having to home school her because of this. She will be attached to your hip for a very long time now."

Malcolm sighed, "I know. I made her a promise not to do this as long we had each other. That is how I got her to go to school after I almost died from the stroke.. Now I broke it. She wonnae trust my word again no' that I donnae deserve it."

Clara replied, "We could tell the girls it was a bad reaction to the meds you take."

Malcolm sighed, "No. I cannae lie ta Mairi. If she finds out we both lied she'd not trust either o' us."

Clara sighed, "Mary needs to believe you kept your promise, Malcolm. She needs her faith in you. She needs you more than me so if she ever finds out the truth...I'm willing to take the blame for it."

Malcolm sighed, "Ye are her fucking mam. I'm just some fucking twat that adopted them."

Clara snapped, "No! You are not! You are their FATHER. You mean the world to both of them. You may not have sired them but they are YOUR children. I know for a fact if we ever parted ways Mary would choose you over me and I could bear to take her away from you. She ADORES you. Lulu would probably wish to go with you as well but might stay with me. Honestly...YOU are the best thing that ever happened to my girls." A while later she had to go pick the girls up at their schools and bring them to see Malcolm.

Mary held her mum's hand until the got to a bed. She felt around until she found her father's hand. She asked, "Papa?"

Malcolm opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his and replied, "Aye, Mairi. I'm here."

Mary asked, "Why are you in the hospital?"

Clara replied, "He had a bad reaction to one of his meds, sweetheart. Nothing to worry about. They stopped giving him the med that made him sick." She saw the glare he gave her but knew he wouldn't contradict what she said and made a note to tell Rory not to say anything either.

Mary asked, "When can you come home, papa?"

Malcolm coughed a couple times and replied, "They want ta keep me a couple o' days ta make sure the drug is out o' my system."

Mary asked, "Are you all right?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I'm just tired and weak right now, love." When they all reluctantly went home he cried himself to sleep. A few days later he was released in the afternoon so the girls could come with Clara to pick him up. He had to lean on Mary's shoulder to get out of the wheelchair and into the car because they forgot his cane. He let Lulu run and get it for him when they got home. When he was sitting on the sofa in the living room he was flanked by both girls. He automatically wrapped around their shoulders and let then lean against him.

Mary didn't really believe her mum about him having a bad reaction to a med but she wasn't going to push it because if he had tried to kill himself...... That would mean he had broken his promise and she'd rather not know. He wasn't the one that would have lied about it but it would still hurt. She said, "I love you, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "I know ye do, love. I love ye too. Both o' ye. Donnae EVER forget that." Eventually he nodded of and woke with a start when Clara called them.

When Clara came out to tell them dinner was ready se smiled and got her camera. Malcolm was fast asleep sitting on the sofa with his legs stretched out under the coffee table, head on the back cushion, and each arm wrapped around one of the girls. Both girls had their heads down on his shoulder and had slipped a hand under his jumper to rest on his rounded belly. She was very glad she had been able to get him to put on some weight because he really had been too thin and gaunt looking when she met him from not eating or sleeping. He looks much healthier now with his little round pot belly. She snapped the picture before waking them up. She had to giggle at the surprised snort he made as he shot awake. She went over and kissed the top of his curly gray head. She said, "Come on sleepy head. Time for dinner."

Malcolm scrubbed a hand over his face after Lulu got up and rasped, "Coming, eudail." He let Mary help him stand up and hand him his cane. He then wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she matched her steps to his limping gait as they made their way to the kitchen. When he was seated he watched her take the seat to his right like she usually did. Mary grabbed his bad hand and wouldn't let go and he never asked her too. he just ate with his left hand knowing she needed the physical contact as much as he did. He was still weak and his hands shook when he tried to eat or drink. He wasn't really hungry but he knew if he refused to eat he'd never get any peace until he did because Clara was a nag about it. After dinner he shakily got up and went out on the balcony for a cigarette. 

Mary realized her father was going out on the balcony and went to his office to grab the jacket off the back of his office chair and her own before following him outside. She said, "You're going to get cold without this, papa."  
Malcolm looked at the jacket Mary was holding before placing the cigarette between his lips to let her help him put his coat on. He mumbled around the cigarette as she helped him, "Thank ye, Mairi. Ye are always taking care o' me." He had given up telling her she didn't have to do these things because she just told him that he needs to be taken care of and she wants to do it. He went back to leaning on the balcony smoking his cigarette and felt Mary's arms wrap around his rounded belly and her head just below his shoulder blades on his back.

Mary leaned against his back and listened to the wheeze in his breathing that she could only hear when her head was on his back or chest. It still worried her but she didn't say anything since it didn't seem to be bothering him. She felt him shift his weight and hiss in pain. She said, "Maybe we should go back in now, papa. I can tell you need to rest your leg."

Malcolm took one last drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out. He replied, "Aye. Yer right." He limped back into the living room and sat in his chair and stretched out his bad leg. When he finally got to bed he grabbed Clara's hand before she left the room and begged, "Stay? Please?" He watched her go change into her nightgown before crawling into bed with him and put her head on his shoulder. He sighed, "Thank ye."

Clara kissed his cheek and said, "Sleep, Malcolm."

Malcolm yawned, "Aye, lassie." He drifted off content.


	26. Dark Lord Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Chapter. Another will be up shortly. Malcolm winds up getting involved with Mary's school.

A couple weeks later Malcolm wound up having to go to Mary's parent teacher night at her school because Clara had to be at Lulu's school for the same thing that night. So with Rory in tow he went to Mary's school because his little girl begged him to go. He wore a suit without the tie in gray. He held on to her hand and slowly limped through the halls leaning heavily on his cane as he followed the signs to the room being used. He had to stop and lean against the wall to try and take his weight off his bad leg.

Mary noticed her father's heavy limping and when he stopped she asked, "Are you all right, papa?"

Malcolm tugged her hand and wrapped her in a hug against his chest. He felt her head over his heart and sighed, "Aye. My leg is just fucking acting up again. Just need a minute."

Mary stood with her head against his chest listening to his heartbeat until he could move again. When they finally got to the gym she heard her friends come over to talk to her. She said, "Papa? These are my friends Sara and Jenny. They are blind as well."

Malcolm replied, "Nice ta meet ye ladies." After a few minutes they were to meet with the teachers. He sat in a chair while Mary stood behind him with her arms protectively around his shoulders. He clasped her hands with one of his as he said, "I'm Malcolm Tucker, Mairi's da."

Mrs. Stewart said, "Your Daughter is doing very well but she has a hard time making friends among her classmates. She even gets into fights with a few."

Malcolm asked, "Why is that, love?"

Mary replied, "Well...They make fun of you. They call you a retarded gimp and the Dark Lord of Downing Street. I'm sorry but I'm not going to let them make fun of you, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "Oh, Mairi....Ye cannae go around getting in ta fights over me. I know ye donnae like what people say about me but I donnae want ye ta get in ta anymore fight over me."

Mary replied, "I love you and will always defend you."

Malcolm sighed, "I know ye think ye need ta protect me, Mairi. I just donnae want ye ta be causing or getting in ta trouble over it. Do ye understand?"

Mary sighed, "Yes, papa."

Malcolm replied, "That's my lassie."

Mrs. Stewart said, "We have been trying to get the parents more involved with the schooling of their children. We've also been toying with the idea of creating a drama club but have had a hard time finding an adult to lead it. The group would meet Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after school."

Malcolm asked, "Isn't it usually a teacher that leads it? Also how would that work with blind children?"

Mrs. Stewart replied, "I can get scripts for plays in Braille from a special company. I have a couple of teachers willing to help with costume designs, advertising and props but none that want to lead the group. The leader will have to take care of directing, teaching them where to walk, and helping them with lines."

Malcolm groaned, "Why the fuck are ye telling me all o' this?"

Mrs. Stewart replied, "Mary here suggested you to lead the drama club with her being 2nd in command."

Malcolm looked at Mary and groaned, "Fucking fuck me. Why on earth did ye do that?"

Mary replied, "I thought you would be good at it. I also think you need to get out more. Besides it would be something we can do together. Please?"

Malcolm wasn't to sure if he could stand having to deal with a bunch of blind 10 year olds 3 nights a week but knew he couldn't disappoint Mary either. He reluctantly sighed, "All right. I'll give it a try for ye, love. Rory's going ta be getting overtime because he's coming with me to help."

Mary kissed his cheek and chirped, "Thank you, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "Yer welcome." So that's how Malcolm Tucker became the leader of a drama club called "Dark Lord Drama" and he groaned at the name. Mary chose it as a pun because she wanted everyone to know she loves him and was proud to be his daughter no matter what he had done in his past. Because the club was to be run by The Dark Lord of Downing street and his daughter the school agreed with the option to change the name when Mary graduated and he left as leader. He knew he was nuts to accept the position but he knew he'd do anything as long as it made his little girl happy.


	27. Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm finally tells Mary the truth and falls apart.

When they finally got home Malcolm went and laid down on his day bed and Mary curled up facing him. He hissed when he shifted. 

Mary caressed the side of his face and replied, "I'm sorry you hurt so much, papa."

Malcolm grasped her arm with his hand and firmly said, "Ye donnae got anything ta be sorry for, Mairi. How I feel and hurt isnae yer fault. I'm the one that fucking got sick, love. Ye are the most wonderful daughter I could ever fucking ask for. Ye are patient with me and love me even if I am being a fucking bastard. I donnae deserve someone like ye." He kissed her forehead and gently pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her in a hug.

Mary whispered, "I'm exactly what you deserve, papa. I'm just as stubborn as you are. I also know when you are lying to me."

Malcolm chuckled, "Aye, lassie. That is very true. Ye are too fucking bright at times. That's why I gave up trying ta lie ta ye a long time ago."

Mary asked, "Why did mummy lie to me about why you were in the hospital? Don't bother denying it. I could tell by the way you acted and the hesitation in your words. She lied and you covered for her. Why? Did she hurt you?"

Malcolm rasped, "No. Yer mam didnae hurt me. She....was protecting you from being hurt and angry with me."

Mary asked, "Why?"

Malcolm sighed, "She was worried how ye would react ta why I was really there. She knew ye'd not want ta leave me alone again. I....broke my promise ta ye."

Mary whispered, "You tried to kill yourself." She didn't ask it as a question because she somehow KNEW that was why he was in the hospital.

Malcolm whispered, "Aye, Mairi...I'm sorry. I'm a bad da. I cannae even keep a fucking promise ta my wee bairn."

Mary cupped his cheek with her hand. She felt the tears and wiped them away with her fingers. She kissed the tip of his nose and replied, "Don't cry, papa. You're not a bad father. You are lonely and miserable. I'm very hurt you broke your promise but I still love you."

Malcolm croaked, "Ye deserve better than a fucked up broken down old man for a da Mairi. I'm fucking old and useless. I'm in so much fucking pain I can barely walk, my mind donnae work right anymore, and I'm fucking frustrated whenever I try ta even read a fucking children's book. I'm fucking retarded! I donnae even know why I agreed ta be the drama club leader. Now I'm going ta fucking embarrass the shite out o' ye because o' my fucking retarded mind. From bean ta cup I FUCK up! I'm a fucking useless cunt! I'm so sorry." His voice cracked and he whispered the last sentence before he started to sob openly not caring if his beautiful Mary thought he was weak. He vaguely registered her pulling him closer to her and wrapping her arms around his back while he sobbed on her chest. He was tightly clutching her to him like a life line because she was his anchor.

Mary had been waiting for him to break down because she knew he needed it. She held him while he sobbed and sobbed until he ran out of tears. She knew he was the only one he could be weak with because she would and has never judged him because he cried or fell apart in front of her. She had seen him cry very few times in her life. She had only seen him truly happy 2 times. The day they agreed to be his daughters and when mummy told him he was going to be a father again. It broke everyone's hearts when mummy lost the baby but he was devastated and cried for months after the blank look went away. She would just hold him and comfort him as much as she could when they were alone. After he got ill he started to open up to her and cry over being useless and lost. He threw fits and got angry but for some reason he would calm down when she was around but when they were alone he broke down in her arms sobbing. He was terrified of what he was dealing with because neither his mind or body was working right anymore. He needed someone he could trust to keep this side of him a secret because he had been raised that men don't cry so they became each other's secret keeper. She would tell him and ask him things she would never tell anyone else while he felt safe to be the terrified little boy he felt like with her. Their bond got even stronger because she was the only one he truly let see him fall apart. Nobody could understand the bond they had because she was his reason for living and he needed her more than anyone else in his life to be by his side to take care of him. For her he was her father, confidant, best friend and the only person she would do anything for. He also made her feel loved, needed and treated her like a normal little girl instead of a blind person.

Malcolm eventually ran out of tears and croaked, "I'm sorry. Ye must think I'm fucking pathetic." He felt her lips press against his forehead and sighed. Mary never judged him and that was why he trusted her with who he really was inside that he had to hide from the world. He even his most of himself from Clara, Lulu and Rory. He would talk to them about how he felt at times but he never fell apart in front of them. Clara didn't need a whiny lover, Lulu wouldn't know what to do if he suddenly started sobbing in front of her and Rory.....Well Rory was the gayest straight man he had ever met but he was still a man. He had spent his life hiding his true self behind a wall of anger and disdain. 

Mary replied, "You are not pathetic, papa. You are just in pain and angry because you are different now. I know what it's like to be different because of being blind. You were not born with how you are now..That makes it much harder to adjust too than if you were born with it like I was. There are days I hate being blind."

Malcolm croaked, "I just want ta be normal again."

Mary sighed, "You want to know my greatest wish, papa? I wish I could see your face just once in my life. I want to know what my best friend and the man who adopted a blind girl looks like more than anything."

Malcolm had no idea how badly she wanted to actually see what he looks like. He sighed, "I'm really no' much ta look at, love. I'm just a tired gray haired old man. Tall and thin except for the round belly ye lassies are so drawn ta now. I have age and frown lines all over my face from a stressful life and pain."

Mary ran her fingers over his features and said, "You feel handsome to me, papa."

Malcolm chuckled, "Thank ye, lassie but ye have a rather biased opinion. Ye'd probably love me even if I was a fucking gargoyle."

Mary kissed the bump on his nose and replied, "So? Why wouldn't I? You're my father."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. I am. I couldn't be prouder o' anything than being yer da. Ye are beautiful, bright, loving, and loyal. I just wish I wanae such an embarrassment ta ye. It's true. Ye may not think so but I know how the kids pick on ye and laugh at ye because o' me."

Mary said, "Papa...I don't care. I only am bothered because it is aimed at you. I don't care what they think of me. You are a good father to us and they have no right to judge you like they do when they don't even know you. No one should be ridiculed and laughed at because they are different because of illness or being born that way."

Malcolm rolled back a bit and pulled her against his chest. He sighed, "I'm a retarded cripple, Mairi. I wasnae born this way but I 'ave ta live with it."

Mairi replied, "Yes you are a cripple and your mind isn't the same but I am not embarrassed because you are. I accepted it after you came home from the hospital that you weren't the same as when you adopted us. That doesn't make you any less a man or father than you were before. You just need more help and time to do certain things. If anything has changed then it's that I love and admire you more because you are still fighting."

Malcolm held her tightly against his chest and rasped, "I'd be so lost without ye in my life, Mairi. Ye are my glue that holds me together. I'm ashamed that I need ye so badly ta keep living but I know without ye I'd be dead. I'm sorry."

Mairi replied, "Don't be sorry. I love you and will always be by your side. I promised that a long time ago."

Malcolm whispered, "I know. God forgive me but I'm holding ye ta that promise." He felt himself falling asleep and let it happen.

Mary felt his breathing even out with sleep and kissed his cheek before settling down against him to take a nap as well. She was woken some time later when she felt him thrashing about moaning in terror in his sleep. He was moaning 'No. Not my Mairi. Do' take my Mairi. Please take me instead.' She gently shook him and called, "Papa? Papa, wake up. I'm right here. It's a bad dream."

Malcolm wound up in a scene where Mary was dying after she was hit by the car and he was begging for someone to save her. Everyone who passed by told him he deserved it and that he was a terrible father and he should have been the one hit by the car instead. He was sobbing over his dying little girl begging God to take him instead. This was his worst nightmare. He woke with a start to a terrified little girl shaking him. As his brain woke up he realized he was having a nightmare and Mary was the girl shaking him. He wrapped his arms around her and rasped, "Thank God. Just a dream. I'm awake, Mairi."

Mary lifted a hand to his face and noticed he was cold and clammy. He was sweating and shaking. She asked, "What was it about, papa?"

Malcolm swallowed and rasped, "Ye were..... dying in my arms. No one would help me. Said I should have died instead and I deserved ta loose ye."

Mary asked, "It started after I was hit by the car didn't it?"

Malcolm rasped, "Aye but it's been a while since I had it."

Mary kissed his nose and replied, "It looks like you were more scared by it than I was at the time. Did you ever tell mummy how you felt?"

Malcolm replied, "Fuck no. She has enough on her fucking plate all ready. She doesnae need my fucking fear o' loosing ye as well. She had enough o' me when I thought I was going ta lose ye after ye were hit by the car."  
Mary sighed, "You don't trust mummy that much do you?"

Malcolm sighed, "It's no' that. I just cannae talk about my....feelings. I'm no' even sure why I can with ye except that I know ye donnae get mad or judge me for falling apart. Clara...is to wrapped up in work and taking care o' me ta bother with my....feelings. Besides she gets fucking pissed off at me when I try ta tell her how I feel. I sometime wonder if she is getting fucking tired o' me. I'm a cranky retarded old man with a fucking seizure problem. Not ta mention being a cripple in pain all o' the fucking time."

Mary sighed, "Mummy loves you, papa. She wouldn't be with you if she didn't."

Malcolm sighed, "I guess yer right. I just donnae want her ta stay with me if I make her unhappy. She deserved much fucking better than me. Ye all do."

Mary replied, "Even if mummy left I'm never going to leave you. Wherever you go so will I until the day you die."

Malcolm replied, "I know. That's what worries me about ye. What if I live ta be a hundred? Ye'll never have a life or a family o' yer own."

Mary replied, "I'm NOT leaving you! Besides if I find the right person I will be able to do both. You are part of the package. If someone wants me they have to accept that we will always live together and I will take care of you, papa."

Malcolm sighed, "Sadly life isnae that fucking easy, love. Now a days parents are thrown in fucking old age homes so their children donnae have ta take care o' them."

Mary replied, "That's not going to happen. I will NOT do that nor will I let anyone else do it. Got it?"

Malcolm chuckled, "Aye, lassie. Ye should 'ave been born a Tucker. Ye are stubborn enough ta have been one. I think yer fucking mental but I trust ye."

Mary kissed his cheek and replied, "Good because you are stuck with me."

Malcolm replied, "Thank ye. I wouldn't want it any other way, love." Eventually he got up and found Clara in the living room watching TV and sat on the sofa with her. Mary curled against his other side. When it was bed time he forced himself to read a bedtime story to the girls before curling up with Clara in his own bed and falling immediately to sleep.


	28. Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...here come the play

A week later Malcolm found himself at Mary's school trying to figure out how to teach about 10 blind teenagers how to act out a play without falling off the stage and running into shit. He was so fucking glad they didn't ask him to create a band or choir. He was very glad he had no musical talents. He was surprised when Rory offered to ask his sister to help them so here he was with his glasses on his nose with Amelia and Rory reading through Cinderella making notes on staging and positioning. When his mind started jumbling things he would beat the script against his legs in frustration. He growled, "I cannae fucking do this! I cannae even fucking read it right! Tinker, tailor, soldier, cunt! Stupid retard! Fucking retarded old man!"

Amy Pond had been surprised to meet the middle aged man that Rory took care of every day of the week and the occasional weekend. She had been warned about the swearing but was very surprised when he started throwing a temper tantrum like a child when he got frustrated. This was nothing like the Malcolm Tucker who had been plastered all over the news a few years ago. In short he was crippled and simple minded. She felt sorry for him because he had been a very bright and quick witted man from what she had heard. She wondered why they were even here until she saw Rory bring a little girl about 10 over to the distraught man. She was surprised when the girl wrapped her arms around Malcolm and hugged him while he cursed himself.

Mary said, "It's all right, papa. Maybe you are pushing yourself too hard and just need a break. When you get tired you start mixing words up."

Malcolm replied, "Maybe...a break would help. I'm sorry, love."

Mary pulled back and lightly kissed his cheek and replied, "It's all right. You just need to go slower. Rory? would you mind getting papa a cup of coffee?" She sat in the chair next to him and took his hand tightly in her own. She felt him squeeze back before Rory came over with a cup of coffee. She took the glass of Juice the she was offered as well. She said, "Thank you, Rory."

Amy caught her boyfriend's arm and asked, "He's her father?"

Rory replied, "Yeah. She's his eldest and she has him wrapped around her finger. He'd jump off a cliff if she asked. She asked him to help her start a drama club so here he is. He needs me with him whenever Clara isn't around so here I am. Besides I don't mind. I'm quite fond of him." He had never told anyone but he was attracted to the cranky man he took care of although it didn't interfere with his job.

Amy saw the blush on Rory's face and gasped, "You have a crush on him and he's oblivious. Oh Rory. I'm sorry."

Rory whispered, "Shhhh. I never told him I was gay....Don't want to lose my job."

Amy replied, "Don't worry. I'm not going to tell him even if I don't see why you like him so much."

Malcolm yelled, "Rory! I need to show you something." When Rory came back over to him he showed him the idea he had of putting a short fence around the stage to keep the kids from walking off the stage. Then he had Rory go get the caretaker to see if it could be done. When the kids were brought in he had Amelia hand out the Braille scripts to them. 

Mary followed through her script and could always tell when her father was getting frustrated and would take over reading lines with the other kids. She let him concentrate mostly on directing because it required less reading and he was good at it. They made a very good team and with Rory and Amy's help they were great. She didn't play a role as she needed to work with her father getting the play ready to be presented. 

Malcolm was very tired after every read through and rehearsal. As the weeks progressed he was surprised that the kids did well and followed his instructions. He noticed that Mary would follow along in her script as each of the kids read their lines. He had little patience for goofballs and gave smart asses a bollocking more than once. He swore like a sailor after the same kid fucked up their lines more than 3 times. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was covering his ass when he couldn't focus anymore. He felt bad but he couldn't do anything when his mind started jumbling words because he was to tired or not feeling well. As for the directing part he did very well at that because he didn't have to read much. He just had to tell the kids where they needed to walk or stand for each scene. Amelia and Rory would walk them around until they had memorized their staging positions and they all recited their lines well enough. After 6 months they were finally ready to present the play. 

On opening night Mary could tell her father was more nervous than the kids were. She decided to do the presentation to ease his nerves some. She said, "Well. It's taken us 6 months of trial and error but we are finally ready to present the school drama club's first play. All of us worked very hard on this play. We also had a little help from Rory and his sister Amelia with staging and placements. I also couldn't have done it without my wonderful father's help. Without further ado we would like to give you Dark Lord Drama's presentation of Cinderella." She was led to the seats where her family was sitting. She took her father's hand as she sat down and felt him tightly squeeze it. 

Clara watched the play and was amazed at how well Malcolm had pulled it off. You wouldn't know any of the children were actually blind if they weren't in a school for the blind. She squeezed his arm and said, "You've done a very good job with these kids, Malcolm. You wouldn't know they are blind with how well they are doing."

Malcolm replied, "Thanks, eudail. Not sure how much anyone else thinks we did though." When the play was over he was amazed they got a standing ovation. He felt proud for the first time in a very long time of something. He was even more surprised when the parents were saying they wanted to meet the teacher in charge of the wonderfully performed play. He was pulled up by Mary and tugged to the stage. He finally gave in and managed the stairs with Mary's help. He slowly limped to the center of the stage with Mary's hand on his back. He said, "Well...I'm Malcolm. I'm no' a teacher but I am the director o' the play. My daughter and me jointly are leaders o' the club. She did most o' the read thru while I concentrated on staging and directing. All o' ye kids did wonderful tonight. Thank ye for the honor o' being a part o' this play. I couldnae have had a better group o' kids ta work with."

A Parent asked, "Why did you call the group Dark Lord Drama?"

Another parent asked, "Don't you know who he is? That's Malcolm Tucker. The Iago with a blackberry."

Malcolm replied, "The name of the group was...chosen by my daughter."

Mary said, "It was a pun on one of his nicknames everyone used to call him. I chose it because I love my father no matter what he used to do. I respected him then and I respect him now. The name is my way of showing that I am proud to be Malcolm Tucker's daughter." She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. 

Malcolm wrapped his free arm around her and kissed the top of her head. He whispered, "Thank ye, Mairi. I'm very proud o' ye." There was a chocolate cake with vanilla butter crème frosting on it which was his favorite type of cake. He ate 2 pieces of it and had a cup of coffee. He blushed when Clara wiped the icing off the corner of his mouth with her tongue. A few hours later they went home and he fell into bed exhausted but Mary crawled in with him for a while until Clara came to bed.

Mary slipped her hand under his night shirt to rub his belly and placed her head on his shoulder. She said, "Thank you, papa."

Malcolm asked, "For Wut?"

Mary replied, "For making me happy by helping with the play and just being there for me."

Malcolm kissed the top of her head and replied, "I'm trying ta be. I may have broke my promise ta ye but it doesnae mean I don' want ta watch ye grow up. I will always be proud o' ye and love ye even when I'm at my lowest. Ye are my north star, Mairi. Donnae ever fucking doubt how important ye are ta me."

Mary kissed his cheek and replied, "I'll try not to as long as you remember how much I love you and need you to stick around."

Malcolm whispered, "Hhokay. I'll do my best ta stick around. Ye may have ta remind me from time ta time why I am." He coughed a few times and rolled on to his side facing her. He felt her adjust her hand to rest on the curve of his belly and her head on his arm. He carded his fingers through her hair and rasped, "Ye are growing up ta be beautiful, Mairi. Someday I'll be beating the suitors off with my cane."

Mary giggled, "Oh, papa. You are silly." She kissed the bump on his nose and just enjoyed their time together. She could feel the shaking in his bad hand as he carded fingers through her hair but she didn't mind. She was so content that she fell asleep.  
Malcolm realized she had fallen asleep and kissed her forehead. He noticed Clara smile at him before she left the room after changing. He knew she would be sleeping in Mary's bed instead of making Mary move. He appreciated Clara's acceptance of his connection with Mary even as unusual as it was to most people. He eventually settled down and fell asleep holding his little girl safely in his arms.

Clara didn't really understand the bond that had formed between Malcolm and her daughter. At first she didn't approve of it because it was strange but as she realized it wasn't anything improper she got used to it. She had noticed he was much more tactile and affectionate with Mary but then the girl couldn't see the adoration shining in his eyes. She had realized that he had adjusted his usual standoffish ways to accommodate Mary's lack of sight by being more physically affection with her daughter. Unlike with her or Lulu he hugged, held, kissed and caressed Mary affectionately. He never touched Mary in any way that was inappropriate and for that she was relieved. Now she still didn't truly understand it but she knew it was essential to both their well being and health. She knew Mary was his confidante and secret keeper. She was also aware that Mary was his only reason for living because of their strange devoted bond. As the years went by she realized that she couldn't separate them without losing both because they were in a symbiotic like relationship. One would not exist without the other at least not as happy as they are now. Mary she knew would go on but she'd never be the same because it would destroy her to lose him and Malcolm.....His life depended on having Mary by his side. Without her he'd wither and die if he didn't kill himself first. She knew a lot of Malcolm's feeling and secrets because she can read him. She also knows he only trusts Mary to talk to about his feelings. While she would like Malcolm to talk to her more she's just glad he has someone he will talk to about anything. She fell asleep on Mary's bed knowing that Malcolm was in good hands.


	29. Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm gets ill and he and Clara have a chat

Before Malcolm knew it he realized he had been with his family for 6 years. He also suddenly realized that Mary would be 12 years old this year in a couple of months and he had no idea what to get her as a present. He had been running the drama club at Mary's school for 2 years and starting to finally feel useful and proud of something again. He was still miserable and in pain but he at least had something to keep him busy for part of the year. He apparently was doing so good a job at Mary's school he got conned into doing it for Lulu's school as well for a year. He told them if they wanted him to do it then it couldn't clash with Mary's drama club schedule. He would be at Mary's school Monday, Wednesday and Friday while at Lulu's Tues and Thursday. The week of the plays He was presenting Aladdin with Mary on Saturday and Mary Poppins with Lulu on Sunday. If it wasn't for Mary helping him he would have confused the two all the time. He had managed to get a copy of Mary Poppins in Braille so she could help with the read thru at Lulu's school. He was beyond exhausted and knew something had to change. He collapsed on stage unconscious during a few rehearsals. Eventually he wound up combining the two drama clubs into one big one that performed the same play at both schools. The fun part was getting a bunch of blind kids and fucking "normal" kids to get along and work together but he did it and the next year his new combined Dark Lord Drama troop presented Bedknobs and Broomsticks. He was very glad that he had succeeded because he was very tired and not feeling well.

Mary could tell something was wrong with her father because he was stumbling and weak. He was also coughing a lot more than usual. She knew he was tired and run down from the drama club but she didn't realize it affected this badly. There were days when she would come home and he still be sleeping on his day bed. She talked to mummy and Rory. Rory finally took him to the doctor.

Malcolm just wanted to sleep. He didn't want to eat, drink, get up or go to a fucking doctor but he knew if he didn't Mary would badger him until he did. He found out he had walking pneumonia from pushing himself too hard the last few weeks and finally got to stay in bed and sleep. Although he had pills and cough syrup shoved down his throat with food when he was awake. He thought how lucky Rory was that he was too sick to give a shit or fight back. He knew Mary was with him and would be surprised if she refused to go to school until he was well. He was too sick to fight her as he was afraid to be alone. He was having nightmares the whole time he was sick only calming down when he knew Mary was there to "protect" him from them. He would feel her fingers carding through his curly hair and hear her talking until he fell asleep again soothed by her presence. As long as she was there he knew he had to get better because he couldn't desert his wee bairn.

Mary refused to leave her father except for necessities like eating, changing, washing, or potty breaks. She refused to go to school or anything else and after a while mummy stopped fighting her because it was obvious that he needed her there. He had a very high fever and was having nightmares that left him thrashing about until she managed to wake him up. She would talk to him and run her fingers through his hair to calm him down. He would whimper as if in pain or distress but unconsciously rub his head against her hand trying to get closer. He would also mutter to himself in Gaelic. She could pick up a few words here and there from his teaching her basic words and phrases. He would repeat words like "alone" "lost" "mind" and her name. Mummy told her papa had been sick 2 weeks in and out of delirium. Her father had rarely been sick as long as she's known him. Ever since he fell ill in the courtroom he had always been unwell but he had never been SICK more than maybe 4 times in 6 years but when he did fall ill he fell hard and it took weeks for him to pull out of it. Finally at the start of the 3rd week the fever broke and he started to be more lucid. After that he spent most of the next week and a half sleeping and very weak when he was awake.

Malcolm opened his eyes to see Mary sitting next to him on the bed reading one of her books in Braille. He reached out with his hand until it found her ankle to get her attention. He rasped, "Mairi?" He winced at his voice being so hoarse and no more that a whisper. The combination got her attention anyway.

Mary felt long fingers gently wrap around her ankle before she heard her father so quietly say her name she would have missed it if he hadn't grasped her ankle. She turn thinking at first he was having another nightmare and seeking assurance she was there. She set her book aside and felt with her hand until she found his hair and replied, "I'm here, papa. You're safe." When she felt his hand move from her ankle to hers resting on his belly and entwine their fingers she realized he was awake. She asked, "Papa?"

Malcolm rasped, "I 'm awake, love. No need ta chase away the demons this time." He soon was pinned to the bed with Mary half on top of him as she tried to hug him. Then he noticed her start to shake and sob. He placed his free hand against the back of her head to weak to do anything else and rasped, "It's all right. Go ahead and cry. I'm sorry."

Mary sobbed, "You were delirious for 2 weeks, papa. I was so worried. You were so sick I thought..."

Malcolm rasped, "That ye were going ta loose me? Ye want ta know what made me fight? Ye did. I cannae leave ye like that. Someday I wonnae be able ta fight anymore but I will always try as long as I have ye to guide me back, hhokay?"

Mary nodded and whispered, "I love you, papa."

Malcolm rasped, "I know ye do, lassie. I love ye too." He just held her until he felt himself being pulled under again. He mumbled, "I'm falling asleep again, love. Stay." He had closed his eyes and felt her change positions slightly and start carding fingers through his hair again. 

Mary replied, "Sleep, papa, I'll be right here." She had their hands still entwined on his belly and felt when his breathing went into the even sleeping pattern she was used to with him. His grip on her hand never loosened even in sleep so she didn't even try to remove it. She was so relieved he was getting better that she curled up on his shoulder and was out like a light herself. 

A few hours later Malcolm woke up to Rory pestering him and obediently took his meds before letting the younger man feed him some soup because he was too weak to do it himself. This went on for about the next week until he finally had enough strength to feed himself again. He was only allowed out o bed to go to the bathroom until the end of the week when Rory started getting him to walk around again to regain his strength in his legs to walk again without falling. A month after he had gotten ill he was still tired but able to wander around the house and do most of the things he could before on his own again. Mary still followed him everywhere including the bathroom just in case he fell but things were starting to return to normal again. He was at least able to convince her to go back to school by the end of the 3rd week once she was sure he wasn't going to die on her while she was gone.

Mary was so relieved when her father was not going to die on her if she left him alone but she still didn't like leaving him to go back to school. She argued with him for an hour. She said, "But you are not well yet."

Malcolm was getting tired of being molly coddled and followed constantly. He finally snapped, "I'm no' going ta die while ye at school. Ye are like a fucking obsessed mother hen! I need a break from it!" When he saw the crushed look on her face he instantly regretted what he said. He watched her run out of the room crying and cursed his bluntness as he forced himself out of his chair to follow her. He found her curled up in the corner of the sofa in the living room and sat next to her.

Mary felt her heart break when her father told her he basically was tired of her. She ran out and curled on the sofa to cry. She felt a weight settle next to her and a pair of arms pull her against a firm chest. She recognized her father scent and just sobbed.

Malcolm carded his fingers through her hair and sighed, "I'm sorry, Mairi. I shouldnae said that. I'm just tired o' being treated like fucking glass and everyone walking around on fucking eggshells. It's no' ye...It's the whole fucking molly coddling everyone is doing. I hate it. I know ye are just worried about me but I'm no' going ta break or die if I'm left alone for a while. I appreciate that ye took care o' me and worry about me but I'm fine now, lassie. Can ye forgive a stubborn fucked up old man?"

Mary whispered, "I love you. I'll always forgive you."

Malcolm kissed her temple and replied, "God knows I donnae deserve it but thank ye, love." He just sat there holding her while she cried.

Mary whispered, "I was so scared I was going to lose you, papa."

Malcolm held her tightly and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He now realized her obsession with taking care of him was how she was hiding her fear and pain over him getting so ill. 'Way to go and fuck up again.' When she finally stopped crying he sat and watched My Little Pony with her until Lulu came home from school. Eventually he went out and had a cigarette with Mary clutching to his fleece jacket as she has since the day he was able to walk around the house again. 

Clara got settled in bed next to Malcolm that night and asked, "Do you want me to find something for Mary's birthday?"

Malcolm looked at Clara and groan, "Fucking fuck me. I forgot. When is it?"

Clara replied, "Next Saturday. I've been trying to get her to let us throw a party but she's worried about you not feeling well by then."

Malcolm sighed, "I'll talk ta her. She hasnae had a party since I had the stroke."

Clara replied, "She is very protective of you and how you feel. She'd rather not have a party than have you sick on the day it is on because her birthday isn't anything without you being there to celebrate it with her even if it means no party."

Malcolm sighed, "I know, eudail. She should spend more time with her friends rather than me but...I donnae want ta be separated from her either."

Clara replied, "I'm not even going to pretend to understand the two of you and your relationship but I have learned to accept you two need each other. I know better than to interfere with the "bond" you two share because all it would do is cause more grief than necessary. Her life revolves around you and that is not likely to change. You on the other hand worship her like a goddess practically."

Malcolm replied, "She is my reason for living, Clara. I didn't plan to be so dependent on her love and devotion but it happened and because of it I am still breathing. My spirit....It thrives off o' hers."

Clara replied, "Like I said. I don't understand it but I accept that your bond is important to both your well being so I do not fight it's existence. As long as it remains paternal or spiritual I will not have a problem with it. If it ever starts to go toward romantic or sexual I WILL stop it. Are we clear?"

Malcolm gasped, "Jesus Christ, Clara. I'm not a fucking pedophile! I'd never do that ta my daughter whether bio--logically mine or not. I'd leave if I ever noticed that type of interest starting. I'd probably fucking kill myself for fuck sake. I love her and thrive off o' her love but I have no interest in .....mating with her. She is my daughter and that is all. Our bond is....strange but it isnae like that at all."

Clara replied, "I understand, Malcolm. I never thought you were. I just wanted to make my position as clear as possible so there are no doubts about MY feelings. I will not interfere unless I think I have too."

Malcolm sighed, "Fine. I can live with that."

Clara smiled and said, "Good. Now that I got that off my chest back to her birthday."

Malcolm replied, "I'll try ta get her ta have a party and I'll need ta find her a present. I'd rather do it myself because it is important ta me that I do. May need Rory ta take me out while ye are all gone for the day."

Clara kissed his cheek and replied, "All right. I'll talk to Rory about it tomorrow morning before I go to work."

Malcolm sighed, "Thank ye." He soon drifted off to sleep trying to think of what he could get Mary for her birthday.


	30. Mary's Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm Throws Mary a 12th Birthday party.

The next afternoon Malcolm sat Mary down with him on the sofa and asked, "Why did ye no' want a birthday party?"

Mary replied, "I just want to spend my birthday with you, papa. I don't need a party."

Malcolm replied, "Mairi, ye are turning 12. Ye haven't had a party since I've been like this. Last party ye had was what when ye were 7? Surly ye want to share your special day with yer friends instead o' yer grumpy old crippled da."

Mary whispered, "No. I want to spend it with you."

Malcolm scrubbed a hand over his face and leaned back against the sofa cushions. He sighed, "I'll make ye a deal. If ye let me throw ye a party for ye and yer friends on Saturday...I'm all yers on Sunday..I'll do whatever ye want ta do."

Mary asked, "Anything? All day?"

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Anything for the whole day." 

Mary replied, "Even taking me shopping or to the zoo?"

Malcolm laughed, "Aye..Even that. If that makes ye happy then it's what we'll do." He wouldn't refuse her anything and she knew it. He felt her take hold of his hand and twine their fingers together where it sat on his thigh and then lean against his arm. He separated their hands to wrap his arm around her shoulders and she leaned against his shoulder. He kissed her temple and gave her his other hand to hold on to.

Mary said, "Ok..But I want you as part of my party as well."

Malcolm asked, "Wouldnae it be embar-rassing having yer daddy as a part o' yer party instead o' just a chaperone?"

Mary replied, "No. Not when I want you there. I don't really care what my friends think. They all ready know how I feel about you. It should be expected that you'll be there too."

Malcolm sighed, "All right, Lassie. If ye want me ta parti-cipate then I'll be there."

Mary said, "Thank you, papa."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. Yer welcome, love." A few days later he managed to get Rory to take him shopping for a present for Mary. He picked a good sized heart shaped locket in gold with a rose gold heart etched in the front and had "You will always be my little girl" engraved on the back. He also got her a gold charm holder because Mary still wore the Fluttershy pendant he had bought her when she was 6 simply because he gave it to her. This way she could wear both if she wanted too. When the day of her party came he was sitting on the end of his bed waiting for Clara to finish fixing Mary's hair. He cleared his throat after Clara left then alone and said, "I bought ye something...I'd rather give it to ye now. I...It's a personal thing. I donnae like giving gift in front o' others..No' when the person is special ta me."

Mary found her way over to her father and sat on the bed next to him. She replied, "It's all right, papa. I don't mind." She took the little box he handed her and opened it. She felt inside and smiled. She said, "A Heart? A symbol of yours perhaps?"

Malcolm replied, "Ye will always have my heart. Ye know that. It's a locket. Ye can put pictures o' those ye love in it. On the back it says 'ye will always be my little girl' and the front has a rose on it. I also got you a charm holder so you could wear both it and yer friendly pony one with it if ye want. "

Mary replied, "Thank you. I love it. Could you put it together and on for me?" She felt him take the old chain off and a few minutes later she felt him latch it again. She felt her chest with her hand and there was the charm holder and both of her pendants on it. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

Malcolm hugged her back and said, "Happy birthday, Mairi."

Mary kissed his lips lightly and replied, "Thank you, papa. You coming?"

Malcolm shooed her and replied, "Aye I'll be down in a few minutes, lassie." He almost wondering if she'd notice if he wasn't there...He sighed realizing he'd be the only one she noticed was missing. That girl had Malcolm radar or some shit and if he wasn't there she'd come find him. So he slowly made his way downstairs amazingly without falling thank you very fucking much. He was almost knocked off his feet by the chaos of kids running past him. He lost his balance and had to grab the stairwell railing to stop from falling. He grabbed one of the kids that pushed him and yelled, "Watch where yer fucking going, eh? Not every fucking person in this house is as fucking sure footed as ye are. I fall because o' yer fucking shenanigans and ye'll have hell ta pay. Got it, laddie?"

The boy with red hair looked up and stammered, "Sorry, Mr. Tucker."

Malcolm asked, "What's yer name, laddie?"

The boy stammered, "John...McDonald."

Malcolm said, "Jamie McDonald's boy?"

The boy stammered, "Yes, Mr. Tucker."

Malcolm replied, "Say hi ta yer da for me would ye? Now run along but be polite and careful in the house, yeah?" He watched the boy scamper of and leaned heavily against the railing and gasped when a spasm shot through his bad leg. He almost fell if Mary hadn't suddenly appeared at his side to help him to his chair in the living room to sit down. There was that damn Malcolm radar. He asked, "How in the hell did ye find me in all o' these people?"

Mary teased, "I just had to follow your colorful yelling like I always have."

Malcolm replied, "Oh. Was I that loud, love?" 

Mary replied, "Maybe a little." She kissed his cheek before she sat on the arm of his chair and leaned slightly against his shoulder.

Malcolm said, "I'm fine here. Why donnae ye go cause chaos with yer friends?" He watched her go play games with her friends but he could tell she was always listening for him. He laughed when she managed to actually play pin the tail on the donkey better than the kids that could see. 

Mary heard them start singing happy birthday and went to stand next to papa's chair. She asked, "What's on my cake, papa?"

Malcolm replied, "That animal loving pony ye like. It says happy birthday Mairi Love mam and da."

Mary giggled, "Fluttershy. The pony's name is Fluttershy, papa."

Malcolm replied, "Aye. That's the one. Now make a wish and blow out yer candles, love."

Mary said, "I wish for papa to stay well. I love you, papa." She blew out the candles and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Malcolm was completely speechless. He wished it were as simple as a child's wish but he knew better. She could have wished for anything in the world yet her wish was for him. His little girl never ceased to amaze him in her love and devotion. He hugged her back and whispered, "I love you too, sweetheart. Why donnae let yer mam give everyone a piece o' cake?" He was crying for fuck sake in front of a bunch of teenagers. He knew Mary was the best thing and the worst thing to ever happen to him in his life. The best because she loved him regardless of who he used to be or what he has done. The worst because if he ever lost her he'd fall into a million pieces that no one else would be able to pick up again. She had become the glue holding him together when she was always there for him after his stroke. He had formed a bond with her that was indescribable but necessary to him in order to keep living.

Lulu went over to her father and asked, "You all right, Pepper?"

Malcolm wiped his tears away and looked at his younger daughter. He replied, "Yeah. I'm fine. Just tired, Lana. You go play."

Lulu replied, "Ok. Love you."

Malcolm replied, "Love you too, lassie." He watched his youngest run off to play twister with some of the other kids. Mary had gone off to play trivial pursuit with some of her friends while Clara bustled around getting cake to all the kids. He painfully managed to get up and walk over to the balcony. He decided to have a cigarette while Mary was occupied. He was glad she had some friends at her school. He sat on the lounge chair and lit a cigarette. A few minutes later he heard the sliding door open. He said, "I'm over here, love." When she came over he automatically adjusted so she could sit in her usual spot.

Mary went over to his chair to find it empty but automatically went to the balcony because that was likely where he'd be with a bunch of noisy kids in the house. He did promise not to disappear after all but he always could be found out there smoking. She opened the door and sure enough he was there. She followed his voice until she came to his chair. She could smell the smoke from his cigarette as she sat between his legs on the lounge chair being careful not to hurt him and leaned back against his chest. She felt his free arm wrap around her waist. She just loved to sit with him and cuddle.

Malcolm finished his cigarette and kissed Mary's temple. He leaned back and closed his eyes. He rested both his hands on her small arms. Before Mary he used to loath people invading his personal space. Even Clara and Lulu only pushed his boundaries so far but Mary was very persistent. Now he craved it as much as she did but she was the only one allowed to invade his space whenever she wished. He was soothed by her presence and she by his. She was the only one able to calm him down when he went into a tantrum or panic attack. Even his doctor had said it would worse for them to be separated than together even if their dependence on each other was a bit detrimental to their lives. The pros in their case outweighed the cons. They were yin and yang. Separating them would devastate them both while right now they were able to function in society fairly normally as long as they have each other. Eventually he said, "Come on. Time ta go back in before yer friends think ye deserted them." 

Mary got up and replied, "Ok. But you are coming with me." She took his hand and helped him up. She got him back to his living room chair before going back to play.

Malcolm just smiled as she ran off and was surprised to be handed a piece of cake. He laughed, "Clara, Ye calling me a horse's arse?" She had given him a piece of the pony's ass.

Clara laughed, "Not really. You are one often enough but this time it was just all that is left is the backside of the pony."

Malcolm chuckled, "I know ye just saved it for me."

Clara laughed, "All right. Have it your way. I saved it just for you."

Malcolm took a bite of the chocolate cake with butter crème icing and replied, "This is a fucking tasty piece o' arse but...not as tasty as yer arse, my Clara."

Clara chuckled, "You and your sweet tooth. Behave. There are children here. MANY children."

Malcolm laughed but went back to eating his cake. He was glad he had managed to be able to eat with minimal embarrassment at the moment in a room full of kids. His right hand still shook but he had learned how to hold his plate with it resting against the arm of the chair while he ate with his left hand. It at least worked for cake and snacks anyway. He was surprised when Mary came over, managed to grab his fork and eat of piece of his cake. He laughed, "That's yer da's piece o' arse, lassie."

Mary teased, "It is good isn't? I thought it was anyway."

Malcolm chuckled, "Anyone ever tell ye that ye are a cheeky girl?"

Mary replied, "I take after you I suppose." Then she left to play with her friends again. One thing she enjoying doing was teasing her father when he was in a fairly good mood.

Malcolm yelled, "Fucking Cheeky!" He just finished his cake and admitted that yeah she was taking after him. She spent so much time with him as her primary role model it was impossible for him not to rub off on her. He was glad she wasn't swearing yet though at least. Around 4 pm the kids parents started stopping by to pick up their kids. The house was a fucking disaster but Mary had fun so he could deal with helping clean up the mess. He got up and started gathering up the various paper plates left all over the random surfaces in the living room. He then gathered the empty paper cups he could find while Lulu grabbed the ones that had something in them. He saw there was a good chunk of the cake left so he cut it up and placed it on a cake dish with a dome over it. He didn't dare carry the dish to the other counter though. He left that for Clara when she got done sending off the kids. He got the broom and with Lulu's help swept up most of the streamers and mess from the party in the living room and kitchen. He finally had to sit down and rest so he collapsed on the sofa next to Mary. He felt Mary reaching for his hand and gave it to her. 

Mary was surprised when her father practically fell onto the sofa. She asked, "You all right, papa?" She reached out her hand and was glad when he gave her his hand.

Malcolm sighed, "Aye. Just worn out, lassie. I'm finding that I cannae even fucking pick up from my little girl's party without getting fucking weak and tired. I barely did anything and I'm fucking exhausted. I'm fucking useless."

Mary replied, "It's all right, papa. You aren't useless. You just aren't as energetic and healthy as you used to be before. I still think you are a wonderful daddy."

Malcolm replied, "O' course ye do. I'm the only da ye ever had."

Mary replied, "I've met the daddies of some of my friends. They are nice and fun but they are not MY papa. They are not you. I don't care if you can't do everything they can do. I still think you are wonderful."

Malcolm replied, "And I still think ye are fucking mental. In any case I'm not going ta argue with ye. I wouldn't change being yer da for the world." He let Mary drag him to his office and they took a nap before dinner. After he let her drag him in to watch a new My Little Pony DVD with them. He knew sooner or later both girls would outgrow that cartoon but he would be an even older man watching it by himself simply because of the fond memories it gives him. He really was turning into a fucking sap in his old age. When he finally went to bed he was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillows.


End file.
